The Quotes Show Its Stupid: Toward a Secret Sky by Heather Maclean

Shortly after 17-year-old Maren Hamilton is orphaned and sent to live with grandparents she’s never met in Scotland, she receives an encrypted journal from her dead mother that makes her and everyone around her a target. It confirms that her parents were employed by a secret, international organization that’s now intent on recruiting her. As Maren works to unravel the clues left behind by her mother, a murderous madness sweeps through the local population, terrorizing her small town. Maren must decide if she’ll continue her parents’ fight or stay behind to save her friends.

With the help of Gavin, an otherworldly mercenary she’s not supposed to fall in love with, and Graham, a charming aristocrat who is entranced with her, Maren races against the clock and around the country from palatial estates with twisted labyrinths to famous cathedrals with booby-trapped subterranean crypts to stay ahead of the enemy and find a cure. Along the way, she discovers the great truth of love: that laying down your life for another isn’t as hard as watching them sacrifice everything for you.

Source: GoodReads

I know I’ve ranted about YA fantasy being eerily the same.  Well, YA paranormal also falls under the same rut.  The only thing is, I was hoping since this genre has sort of disappeared in the past five or so years, that when there was a YA paranormal released-like Toward A Secret Sky– it would be something different.

 

Only thing is, this book is probably as cliche as the books that were being released in the heyday of this genre.

Usually I’m not one for using quotes in my review, but I think this is one DNF where quotes sill exemplify why I didn’t finish this book.

Exhibit One:

My mother was totally beautiful-a former Miss Springfield-and I  looked nothing like her.  While she had olive skin and shiny black hair.  I got my Scottish father’s pale white coloring, light green eyes, and cray, thick, curly blonde hair.  The kind of hair that once made a hairdresser cry because the haircut came with a free blow-dry, and she counted on the whole process taking three hours.  Of course, it wasn’t California blonde or even all-the-same-color blonde.  It was someone once told me, “dishwater blonde.”  Just what my self-esteem needed: hair that reminded people of dirty water. (9-10)

Of course, this is our description of our MC who is described as being “Plain” because she has dirty blonde hair that’s curly.  I should mention later on when she starts attending school in Scotland, everyone is envious over said hair.  Furthermore, being a dirty blonde myself, I always find it insulting when people talk this way.

Exhibit Two:

I was kissing the hottest guy ever.  He was so hot, even his hair was red.  We were logging in the long grass, kissing deeply, like it was our new way of breathing.

It was hot outside, and the kissing was making me even hotter.  Everywhere he touched me, my skin burned.  I never kissed anyone before, and certainly like this.

(13)

Do I even need to say anything about this?

Exhibit Three:

Even the “normal” food in Scotland wasn’t normal.  French fries, which were called “chips”, looked like the fries back home, but instead of being crispy and yummy, they were soggy and not.  Chips were called “crisps”, which was a true description, but they didn’t have any fun flavors like ranch or hickory barbecue.  In fact, they didn’t have barbecue anything at all.  They’d never heard of brownies or cornbread (“Why would you put corn in bread?” my grandmother asked).

(14)

Disinterested teen,  who insults the area the area that she’s in.  I’ve been to Ireland-I know different country than Scotland, BUT we the area I was staying at had a Tesco (the same store this ingrate went to) and the store was fairly large, though not Super Walmart size, and they pretty much had anything you wanted.  Also, having had chips/fries in both the US and Ireland, I can tell you there really is not that much different.   So, I’m guessing that Scotland’s version isn’t that different either.

Anyway, a pet peeve of mine in any YA book is when the character will trash the area they just moved to.  Especially if its a foreign country.  America’s reputation has pretty much been shot by Donald Trump, we don’t  need little fictional ingrates like Maren to ruin it further.

Exhibit 4:

Hew as the most breathtaking guy I had ever seen and-thank you, God!-seemed to be about my age.  His wavy chestnut-colored hair fell over his forehoead, but not enough to hide his dark blue eyes.  He was tall and broad shouldered, but had a thin waist.  he carried his bulging frame like he  was wearing football shoulder  pads, but I could see from where his white tunic shirt hung open at his chest that he was all bare skin and muscle.

(30)

Do I need to say more?

Exhibit 5:

I could tell by Jo’s flat tone that Elsie was not her favorite person.  I’d have to remember to cheer her up later by letting her know “Elsie” was mainly a name for cows in America.

(44)

Wrong.  Elsie is the name of a very cute diminutive Corgi  (AKA Wonder Corgi) who is upset that she is being compared to a cow.  She says she is going keep barking  into  Maclean’s ear until this is rectified.

Wonder Corgi not Wonder Woman, but close enough.

These quotes are pretty much why I quit the book.  I could find more, but honestly I don’t want to.  Like I said, usually I avoid doing quote reviews, but I think in this book’s case the quotes exemplify why I didn’t want to continue.

Overall Rating: DNF.  Avoid.

All Unhappy Readers Are Different: Tash Hearts Tolstoy by

After a shout-out from one of the Internet’s superstar vloggers, Natasha “Tash” Zelenka finds herself and her obscure, amateur web series, Unhappy Families, thrust into the limelight: She’s gone viral.

Her show is a modern adaptation of Anna Karenina—written by Tash’s literary love Count Lev Nikolayevich “Leo” Tolstoy. Tash is a fan of the forty thousand new subscribers, their gushing tweets, and flashy Tumblr GIFs. Not so much the pressure to deliver the best web series ever.

And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a Golden Tuba award, Tash’s cyber-flirtation with Thom Causer, a fellow award nominee, suddenly has the potential to become something IRL—if she can figure out how to tell said crush that she’s romantic asexual.

Tash wants to enjoy her newfound fame, but will she lose her friends in her rise to the top? What would Tolstoy do?

Source: GoodReads

I was really excited about this book since it was suppose to feature an asexual protagonist.  And God knows, there’s hardly any rep of that in YA.  The thing is Tash Hearts Tolstoy didn’t really work for me.  And no, it wasn’t a representation issue.

Though, it’s not even mentioned that the character is asexual until about a hundred or so pages in the book, but that’s besides the point.

Why did I quit this book?  Well, to put it bluntly I did not like the main character and more or less the book was another contemporary taking of the trend of 2017 (social media break out star).

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew going in it was going to feature this trope.  But there was something just noxious to me about it, I think because it was more or less the cliche of fame going to your head…or at least that’s what the author was trying to go with, but really from what I saw the MC’s friend was really an asshole a la Lily Moscovitz from The Princess Diaries books,  though to be fair though the MC, Tash, is also annoying.  And not annoying in an endearing way like Mia Thermpolis.

No.  She was just so, so, annoying.

In part, because this book has major shades of pandering in it.  I mentioned pandering in my review of Queen of Geeks a few months.  One thing I will give Tash Hearts Tolstoy is at least the MC’s TV web episodes weren’t immediately successful.  They had to get noticed first, but still the whole going viral bit was a bit unexplained.  And, well, boring.  Getting that many views, you’d think there would be more fall out than there was.

And maybe, if I kept reading the book I could’ve seen more of it.  But again, I read a little over a hundred pages and was completely underwhelmed with the whole thing.

I skimmed through the end to see if things picked up, from what I saw the book took the cliche route and really I did not have enough time to read that sort of shit.  My reading time is tight enough as it is, and with Tash being so obnoxious I didn’t want to waste my time with her or her story.

Which is a shame, because like I said I was interested in reading a book with an asexual main character.

But instead, I got whiney Tash who just seems to go in her room, talk about how she’s going to get into freaking Vanderbilt because she works at Old Navy, and complains about how evil her sister is for looking like Scarlett Johansson and occasionally mentions something interesting about her Czech heritage-alas, there is a lack of kolaches in the part of the book I read.  Being of Czech heritage myself that is so, so wrong.

Man, writing this makes me wish that I could find a good gluten free recipe for kolaches. I miss kolaches. Especially the poppy seed ones.  Poppy seed kolaches are the best.

I’m not kidding you about the character’s activities.  Given the synopsis of the book, I thought that the characters sexuality would play more of a role in the book than it did.  And maybe it did further on in the book, but it really was only merely thrown out there.  And in a way I think that might’ve been how it should be, but given how it was presented even though it was so sudden…you could tell it was going to be a plot that was further developed.

Sigh.

So yeah, me and this book just did not connect.  I wouldn’t say it was exactly a horrible book, but Tash and I just did not get a long and I didn’t see us ever getting along.  Add the fact that the plot was going the cliche route, I really wasn’t interested in staying around and seeing how things played out.

Overall Rating: DNF.

Cringe Drama: I Believe in a Thing Called Love by Maureen Goo

Desi Lee believes anything is possible if you have a plan. That’s how she became student body president. Varsity soccer star. And it’s how she’ll get into Stanford. But—she’s never had a boyfriend. In fact, she’s a disaster in romance, a clumsy, stammering humiliation magnet whose botched attempts at flirting have become legendary with her friends. So when the hottest human specimen to have ever lived walks into her life one day, Desi decides to tackle her flirting failures with the same zest she’s applied to everything else in her life. She finds guidance in the Korean dramas her father has been obsessively watching for years—where the hapless heroine always seems to end up in the arms of her true love by episode ten. It’s a simple formula, and Desi is a quick study. Armed with her “K Drama Steps to True Love,” Desi goes after the moody, elusive artist Luca Drakos—and boat rescues, love triangles, and staged car crashes ensue. But when the fun and games turn to true feels, Desi finds out that real love is about way more than just drama.

Source: GoodReads

I have mixed feelings about this book.  It’s very cringe worthy, but at the same time I think it’s suppose to be cringe worthy.  Honestly, I probably could’ve read it in one big swoop, but because I didn’t want to throw it against the wall (I didn’t).  Oh, yes, I had great self control.

Again, it’s not a bad book but the premises is cringe worthy.  And there were things in it that happened that wanted me to shake the main character.

Like that thing with her college interview, I wanted someone to snap at her harder than they did.  And really, it left a real sour taste in my mouth how that plot point played out but I digress…

K-dramas are something I’m always wanting to try out, but never get around to a actually watching for various reasons (I think the main thing is that usually when I want to watch TV I’m too tired to read subtitles, which is a shame because they are they seem to have a crack soap opera  like quality about them that I would like to watch).  That being said, I was excited for this book and while I do think it did a good job exploring the K-Drama angle I did think at times the book was a little formulaic and Desi was more than a little annoying.

If you’re seen Election Reese Witherspoon’s character is pretty much Desi, except Desi isn’t near as psychotic.  Though that thing with the boat and the car comes pretty close.

Sorry, Desi but that was crazy.

Honestly, I wasn’t crazy about the ship.  This is one time, I would’ve been happier if Desi would’ve gotten together with her friend.  Luca seemed blasé to me, and I really felt like Desi had to compromise parts of herself to be with him.  Also, again the whole college subplot towards the end really grated under my skin.

I know it probably wasn’t Goo’s intention, but it really annoyed me that the MC’s dreams were essentially squashed because of a boy.  And yeah I know, Desi still ends up going to a good school and its closure to said boy.

But GMAFB.

Maybe it’s because I’m older than the intended audience who probably found the ending perfect, but I was not satisfied with this ending at all.

Anyway, I can see younger readers and less cynical readers liking this more than me.  If you can’t stand cringe worthy moments, I recommend staying far, far away.  I knew going in that this could be a problem so I took the proper precautions (short reading periods, with lots and lots of breaks).

Overall Rating: Um, a B-.  I could see it maybe being a B, but honestly Desi had psychotic tendencies and the college subplot drove me insane.

Need Movie Now: When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

A laugh-out-loud, heartfelt YA romantic comedy, told in alternating perspectives, about two Indian-American teens whose parents have arranged for them to be married.

Dimple Shah has it all figured out. With graduation behind her, she’s more than ready for a break from her family, from Mamma’s inexplicable obsession with her finding the “Ideal Indian Husband.” Ugh. Dimple knows they must respect her principles on some level, though. If they truly believed she needed a husband right now, they wouldn’t have paid for her to attend a summer program for aspiring web developers…right?

Rishi Patel is a hopeless romantic. So when his parents tell him that his future wife will be attending the same summer program as him—wherein he’ll have to woo her—he’s totally on board. Because as silly as it sounds to most people in his life, Rishi wants to be arranged, believes in the power of tradition, stability, and being a part of something much bigger than himself.

The Shahs and Patels didn’t mean to start turning the wheels on this “suggested arrangement” so early in their children’s lives, but when they noticed them both gravitate toward the same summer program, they figured, Why not?

Dimple and Rishi may think they have each other figured out. But when opposites clash, love works hard to prove itself in the most unexpected ways.

Source: GoodReads

When I heard about When Dimple Met Rishi it was on my TBR list pretty automatically, but I’ll admit it, I was a little skeptical about the whole arrange marriage angle.

Okay, a lot of skeptical.

I think part of it is a culture thing.  In the US, arranged marriages aren’t really seen much.  I also took a course in law school on human trafficking, so I know how these marriages can go when they go wrong. And then I read that one book a few years back with a disastrous arranged marriage.  And finally, I know of someone who keeps avoiding being put in an arrange relationship by her mother so…it’s really hard to romanticize something like that.

Good thing is that Menon really doesn’t force the marriage angle at all.  In fact, Dimple’s reaction to the whole thing was so on point.

Oh, God, I love Dimple.  She is everything I want and more in a YA protagonist.   First of all, she’s direct to the point and bad ass.  Also, she’s interested in STEM which is highly unusual for a protagonist  in a YA book.  And it’s a genuine interest too, not some pandering interest ( a la that dumb ass Codes and Clues game in the Nancy Drew series).  I wish there would’ve been more discussion about her app, because it sounded really cool, but I did enjoy the parts that did focus on her and what a woman who is interested in STEM might potentially face.

I also enjoyed Rishi.  He was adorable.  At first I was kind of annoyed by him, because he did come off as slightly creepy in the opening pages of the book.  But it’s quickly revealed that that creepiness is really nervousness, and he really does develop as a character throughout the book.   Though, he still deserved that coffee in his face at the beginning of the book.

And oh yeah, the cover.  Totally fits the book.  I hardly ever can say that about covers, but this one fits.  And the cover models were actually how I pictured the characters.

The plot, is your pretty standard falling in love at a summer camp sort of thing with both Dimple and Rishi coming to realizations about themselves.  Menon makes the characters come alive, and I really like the infusion of Indian culture in the book.  It’s not done in a hammy way, but for readers who aren’t familiar with this culture will find it interesting.

The one  thing I did not like about this book was the side plot involving the Aberzombies.  I think it was in part suppose to be comedy relief, but all these characters came off as annoying and the whole bathing suit thing came off as borderline offensive and stupid.  It was the only thing that made me think about lowering this book from five stars to four.  However, I didn’t though.

Overall, if you want something cute and frothy to get your mind off of things, read this.  It’s a jut kiss already book  and it will take your mind off of things, while making you think about some other things.  Is it perfect, no.  But overall the faults it had, did not take away from the enjoyment (that much).

Overall Rating: An A.  A- if I want to be ultra picky.

Noteworthy by Riley Redgate

A cappella just got a makeover.

Jordan Sun is embarking on her junior year at the Kensington-Blaine Boarding School for the Performing Arts, hopeful that this will be her time: the year she finally gets cast in the school musical. But when her low Alto 2 voice gets her shut out for the third straight year—threatening her future at Kensington-Blaine and jeopardizing her college applications—she’s forced to consider nontraditional options.

In Jordan’s case, really nontraditional. A spot has opened up in the Sharpshooters, Kensington’s elite a cappella octet. Worshipped…revered…all male. Desperate to prove herself, Jordan auditions in her most convincing drag, and it turns out that Jordan Sun, Tenor 1, is exactly what the Sharps are looking for.

Jordan finds herself enmeshed in a precarious juggling act: making friends, alienating friends, crushing on a guy, crushing on a girl, and navigating decades-old rivalries. With her secret growing heavier every day, Jordan pushes beyond gender norms to confront what it means to be a girl (and a guy) in a male-dominated society, and—most importantly—what it means to be herself.

Source: GoodReads

Good news guys, I finished my reading goal for 2017.  Fifty books.  Grant it, I did DNF a few of them but I still technically read fifty books.

Anyway, Noteworthy was the book that pushed me over the top.  I had mixed feelings about this book.  Overall, I’m giving it a sold B rating but there were some things that didn’t work for me.

What worked.  The setting.  From what I could tell it was pretty spot on.  My sister went to a performing arts boarding school, and it was pretty much like Kensington-Blaine (grant it, her focus was in playing the oboe, not singing or theater, but still same sort of deal).  I also really liked the way that Redgate explored how economically disadvantaged kids fare at such schools.

To be blunt about it, my sister experienced hell when she was at her fancy pants performing arts high school mainly becuase she was a scholarship student.  Grant it, my family was pretty solid middle class-my parents own their home and we never were on any benefits like Jordan and her family-but without a scholarship there would’ve been no way that she could’ve gone to that school and it was the first time she really had to deal with classism.

My mom actually had more of a home life like Jordan-her dad was in a wheelchair and even though her parents worked they survived in part because of Social Security and ate pretty much a staple diet of dried beans for a lot of her childhood.  Reading Jordan’s narrative, reminded me of a lot of the issues my mom described that she faced growing up, so those two parts of the book were very relatable to me even though I had not directly experienced either of them.

So those two parts of the book-the handling of the setting and poverty were at least really well done from what I have experienced.  I also loved how diverse this book is.  There are a variety of different character from different backgrounds and the boarding school really leads to a great setting for them to interact.

Jordan was also an entertaining narrator and sort of atypical.  She is actually one of the few YA character who gender bends who I think realistically could pull it off-at least from a physical perspective.

She’s actually described as looking androgynous, which I know shocking as this may sound doesn’t happen a lot with this trope.

The gender bend storyline didn’t drive me that crazy either.  I did think before reading it, that Jordan would question her gender identity, but really that’s not a factor in this book. I am glad that some discussion was made about the difference between cross dressing and being transgender.

The relationships between the singing group were also nice.  The dynamics make it perfectly acceptable for a companion sequel-just saying-and I felt like there was a lot to explore here.

The romance also didn’t bother me, though I don’t really know if it was needed.  I was satisfied enough with the character development for Jordan and the platonic relationships she developed with the rest of the team.

What didn’t work?

The pacing.

Oh, the pacing.

It dragged so freaking much in parts.  I felt like if the book could’ve cut down a little bit of the page count it would’ve been better off for it.

Also, the sheet ludicrousness of Jordan’s gender bending experience made me roll my eyes.  You would’ve thought that the faculty sponsor would’ve at least looked to see if Julian existed for the pure purpose of checking his eligibility to see if whether or not his grades allowed him to compete in the group.

But…

Stephenie Meyer excuse, it’s fiction.

Still, it’s hard to let something like that go when you’re reading, especially if you are the super neurotic reader like yours truly.

Overall, I do recommend Noteworthy.  It does have some really good bits to it, but there were some issues.  If you can handle the slowish pacing and can suspend logic then you might should give this one a try.

Overall Rating: A solid B.

The Egypt Book I Wanted: In a Perfect World by Trish Doller

Caroline Kelly is excited to be spending her summer vacation working at the local amusement park with her best friend, exploring weird Ohio with her boyfriend, and attending soccer camp with the hope she’ll be her team’s captain in the fall.

But when Caroline’s mother is hired to open an eye clinic in Cairo, Egypt, Caroline’s plans are upended. Caroline is now expected to spend her summer and her senior year in a foreign country, away from her friends, her home, and everything she’s ever known.

With this move, Caroline predicts she’ll spend her time navigating crowded streets, eating unfamiliar food, and having terrible bouts of homesickness. But when she finds instead is a culture that surprises her, a city that astounds her, and a charming, unpredictable boy who challenges everything she thought she knew about life, love, and privilege.

Source: GoodReads

I love books about travel.  I love emerging myself into other country’s history and culture.  If done right a book about traveling will very easily end up on my favorites lists since I’ll feel like I’m emerging into a whole new world.  If done wrong, it will have me raging so hard.

Luckily, for Trish Doller In a Perfect World had me smiling throughout the entire book.  Was it perfect, no there were some parts that were a little unbelievable, but I think overall the general feel of the novel worked.

Full disclosure I have never been to Egypt or anywhere near that area of the world, but from what I read it did seem like Doller did her research.  Or at the very least, she did a better job than Colleen Houck did with that God awful mummy book of hers, which isn’t exactly a high bar.  And it did address the geopolitical issues in the area that many other books that take place in the area often overlook.

The Egypt that Doller depicts is multi-dimension you see the good and bad bits of it, and above else it feels real.  I think the fact that the location itself is a character, its much the same way where I felt that Paris and San Fransisco were a character in themselves in Stephanie Perkins books.

The plot of this book isn’t really there that much.  Sure, there is a love story and sure the character grows, but it’s not that plot heavy.  And maybe that’s why I didn’t really like what happened to the eye clinic at the end of the book.  It just seemed too random and out of place more than anything else.  Merely a way to end the story sooner rather than later.

And while I understand why Doller chose this plot point, it still came off a little cheap.  Just like the end of the book.  Don’t get me wrong, the romantic part of me liked the ending but the more realistic part of my brain was crying foul since I know that the situation would be a lot more complicated than Doller made it seem though.

That aside though, I really did like this book a lot.  It’s the perfect summer book for escapism.  The characters were depicted and their parents were more than just merely there because-hey, seventeen year olds need parents.

The main character’s parents, in particular, are well drawn out and felt like real people.  I particularly liked the father’s relationship with Caroline throughout the book.

I also liked the romance for the most part too.  The relationship builds up realistically and it does address the problems that the two characters are going to face.  Again though, not such a big fan of the ending even though it was cute.

If you can’t get away this summer and want something that can transport you to another location if only for a few hours.  This is your book.

Overall Rating: A-

I Gave Up: The Truth About Happily Ever After by Karole Cozzo

Chin up, Princess, or the crown will slip.

A theme park princess must put her life back together after her happily ever after falls apart in this contemporary YA romance from Karole Cozzo, author of How to Keep Rolling After a Fall and How to Say I Love You Out Loud.

Everything was supposed to be perfect. Alyssa has a job she loves, working as Cinderella at her favorite theme park; a fantastic group of friends; and a boyfriend who will no longer be long distance. But as the summer progresses, her prince becomes less charming and more distant, and Alyssa’s perfect summer falls apart.

Forced to acknowledge that life is not always a fairy tale, Alyssa starts working to pull her herself back together. Fortunately, she doesn’t have to do it alone. With her friend Miller’s support, she’s determined to prove that she’s more than just a pretty princess. And with his help, maybe she’s finally ready for something better than dreams. Maybe she’s ready for something real.

Source: GoodReads

I will give myself this after nearly five  years of consistent blogging (six if you count the sporadic first year) I know when to DNF something.  I decided that The Truth About Happily Ever After wasn’t for me after thirty pages.

To be fair, it’s not horrible if  you like super saccharine books that you can pretty much figure out the entire plot from the blurb.

In a lot of ways this book reminds me of a Hallmark movie, it’s not going to be anything special but it will entertain you if you’re in the right sort of mood.

I wasn’t in the mood.

To be frank about it, it actually reminded me of one of those Simon Pulse Romantic Comedies I read when I was a teen.  Unpredictable fluff that is kind of cornball and cheesy.

So yeah…I gave up.

To be fair, going in I knew it was either going to be hit or miss.  With books like this, in order to be successful the voice needs to be great or there needs to be some sort of twist that makes the otherwise mundane story interesting.

With this book there was none.  I guess the biggest twist was that the obvious love interest wasn’t classically handsome, BUT honestly that’s not much of a twist if you look at all of the various sitcoms out there where the slightly chubby and average looking guy gets the supermodel wife.

Oh, and the theme park that was pretending it wasn’t Disney World but so obviously was.

But honestly, there are a lot of YA books that take place at various theme parks and I haven’t really found any of them THAT interesting.

Overall Rating: DNF.  I only read thirty pages, so I don’t really feel like giving this one a rating.  Just know that this one was not for me and unless you like cliche, it’s probably not for you either.

Just Because You Gender Bend Doesn’t Mean You’re Mulan: Flame in the Midst by Renee Ahdieh

The only daughter of a prominent samurai, Mariko has always known she’d been raised for one purpose and one purpose only: to marry. Never mind her cunning, which rivals that of her twin brother, Kenshin, or her skills as an accomplished alchemist. Since Mariko was not born a boy, her fate was sealed the moment she drew her first breath.

So, at just seventeen years old, Mariko is sent to the imperial palace to meet her betrothed, a man she did not choose, for the very first time. But the journey is cut short when Mariko’s convoy is viciously attacked by the Black Clan, a dangerous group of bandits who’ve been hired to kill Mariko before she reaches the palace.

The lone survivor, Mariko narrowly escapes to the woods, where she plots her revenge. Dressed as a peasant boy, she sets out to infiltrate the Black Clan and hunt down those responsible for the target on her back. Once she’s within their ranks, though, Mariko finds for the first time she’s appreciated for her intellect and abilities. She even finds herself falling in love—a love that will force her to question everything she’s ever known about her family, her purpose, and her deepest desires.

Source: GoodReads

It’s time to be a Debbie Downer, while there have been lots of positive reviews for this book this review isn’t going to be one of them.  Instead, it’s going to be me being extremely grumpy about said book that I gave up on about 90 pages from the end because NOTHING interesting had happened and I didn’t understand what Mariko was trying to do.

First of all, the Mulan retelling bit?  Other than gender bending and hanging out with a group of guys, don’t see it.

Oh, and this book takes place in feudal Japan NOT China.  Big difference there, publishers.  I know that both countries are in Asia.  BUT they are different countries with severally different histories and cultures.  For example, did you know Japan is where the novel originated (thank you, Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego PC Game that I beat about 40K times during my childhood).  I bet unless you played that game or studied Japanese history you didn’t know that.   Also, if you only watched the Disney movie you probably don’t know that Mulan actually was not an original Disney project-shocking, not, since Disney usually adapts various folklores and stories rather than having original projects.  The origins of the story, obviously, are from China.

So…yeah, I don’t necessary know if calling this a Mulan retelling is a good idea, but I guess I could see where marketing was going with this one…

Anyway, the initial set up is an interesting one.  The MC escapes for her life because bandits are trying to kill her and then decides to infiltrate the bandits to find out why they killed her.

And that’s when the book flops because the character does every stupid thing possible when with the bandits, while being depicted as clever.

Look, I get it, you need to have some moments of stupidity to fuel the story but when the character keeps acting stupid and doesn’t do anything to further her plan except make stupid mistake after stupid mistake with to add to another stupid plot point which results with her making out with a guy who probably tried to kill her…

Yeah, I’m not a happy reader.

In Ahdieh’s first series she used a love/hate relationship too and that worked because it was a Scheherazade retelling and you know…kind of happens in that story.  Here though, it annoyed me.  I didn’t like any of these bandits.  I didn’t care for them.  I didn’t care for the lead, or any one else.

I pretty much hated everyone and wanted to tell them they were fucking stupid.

Which isn’t how the jacket described the book at all.  Like, Mariko was described as being this clever character.  Yet, everyone and I mean EVERYONE can figure out her motivations.  Which is ridiculous beyond words.

I am not going to even start on how abusive and annoying I found the love interest.

In the end though, what drove me to DNF this book was the extremely slow pacing of this book.  The fact that I had gotten so far in the book and it seemed like nothing had happened, was enough for me to DNF it.  That and the random make out scene that came out of nowhere.

If you really like the gender bend trope, you might want to give this one a try.  But for me it didn’t work.  I think if anything it made me long to write that book where a boy has to pretend to be a girl in order to save his life/spy on the evil rulers or what not and falls in love with the MC who is all powerful and shit and deals while the guy who is a gal in disguise has to deal with the unfortunate shit that comes with being female-i.e. sexism.   And yeah, I sort of feel pumped to write that now.

Overall Rating: A DNF.  I think this might’ve been a bit of a more subjective than objective DNF though.  The writing is decent, but man did I get annoyed with the characters and the snail pacing of this one.

Eight Steps to Write a Cliche YA Fantasy: Frostblood by Elly Blake

The frost king will burn.

Seventeen-year-old Ruby is a Fireblood who has concealed her powers of heat and flame from the cruel Frostblood ruling class her entire life. But when her mother is killed trying to protect her, and rebel Frostbloods demand her help to overthrow their bloodthirsty king, she agrees to come out of hiding, desperate to have her revenge.

Despite her unpredictable abilities, Ruby trains with the rebels and the infuriating—yet irresistible—Arcus, who seems to think of her as nothing more than a weapon. But before they can take action, Ruby is captured and forced to compete in the king’s tournaments that pit Fireblood prisoners against Frostblood champions. Now she has only one chance to destroy the maniacal ruler who has taken everything from her—and from the icy young man she has come to love.

Source: GoodReads

I remember when I read Red Queent that I commented that it was pretty much standard cliche YA fantasy.  However, I’ll give Red Queen credit for being mildly entertaining and attempting to try something because after reading Frost Blood it seems like its not trying one fucking bit.

 I know, I already wrote a recipe for cliche YA fantasy with with Red Queen, but hey, since YA fantasy isn’t being original why should I be that original with my reviews.  For those of you who want the Red Queen derivative of the recipe you can click here.  So, without further ado here’ s how you can make your very standard very cliche YA Fantasy using these ten eight easy steps with  Frost Blood as a guidepost :

Step One You Must Have a  MC with a Special Power or Some Sort of Specialness.  

In this case, we have Ruby and her power is the power of fire.  Get it, ’cause her name is Ruby.  I should’ve added that her name has some symbolism shit involved in it, but I’m not.  Her power is like forbidden in this fantasy dystopian world that makes her ultra special, especially since everyone is killing fire bloods off.

Step 2 The MC’s Family Gets Killed or Put into Dangerous Peril Which Gets MC in Some Dicey Situation

Check. Check. Check.  Ruby’s mom gets killed within the span of fifteen pages and she’s thrown into jail accordingly.

Step 3 MC is Rescued by Mysterious Rebel Group

Yep, by two hooded figures one’s an old  monk and the other’s a grumpy guy that has a tragic backstory.  You can totally tell that the old monk’s going to be the love interest, right?

That’s sarcasm by the way.

Of course, the old monk’s not the love interest its the rude broody guy who keeps his face covered-we later learn becuase he’s disfigured.  But still has breathtaking eyes-’cause you know this is YA and these books have to be a little bit shallow.

Step 4 MC Has “Problems” Controlling Her Power But Essentially Solves Them in a Book Montage

Because we need a montage…..every book’s got to have a montage…but without a catchy theme song unfortunately.  No just boring passing of time scenarios where the MC does boring shit for a few pages and we are told she has control over her powers with not really any progress shown save for maybe the occasional scene of verbal banter.  She just needs  that to get good enough to deal with the ridiculous tournament/competition that happens in these books because said tournament in Hunger Games, Throne of Glass,  etc. (though I digress about Throne of Glass, but people disagree with me so…)

Step 5 The Ridiculously Hard Tournament/Gladiator-ish Competition that Our MC Defies the Odds

‘Cause we have to show the MC is bad ass.  Of course, she’ll struggle a bit but you know she’ll survive when no one else does…  Also, again Huger Games and Throne of Glass did it so we should do it too.

Step 6 Someone in the book has a secret royalty

Big spoiler twist it’s not the MC, but there’s always the second book.  And considering little was said about daddy dearest I’m sure that bombshell is a coming.

Step 7 Standard Fantasy Prophecy Made about Saving the World

Enough said.

Step 8 Obligatory Sequel Even Though Book is Resolved

Uh, duh. $$$$

Okay, I tried to think of two more steps but totally failed at that. The OCD part of me is annoyed though because I wanted a whole ten steps of cliches, but considering this book has two more installments coming out I think there’s plenty of room for it to fit more cliches in here.

The thing is even though Frost Blood is extraordinary cliche, the writings not half bad.  I was able to get through it pretty fast-grant it, after about page 200 I started skimming pretty hard.  Mainly, because the book was so bland.  There were no interesting characters, they were all pretty much your typical archetypes of a YA fantasy.  And honestly, after I finished reading Frost Blood  I just felt a mixture of sadness and anger.

Has the trend on YA fantasy gotten to the point where anything that’s halfway decently written with the requisite tropes tends to get published?

With Frost Blood it would seem that way.

And honestly, I shouldn’t be that surprised.  The same thing happened when YA paranormal got oversaturated, the YA dystopia, and New Adult.  So, it really shouldn’t surprise me that the fantasy shared the same fate.

The thing is, it just seems more glaring obvious to me with high fantasy than those other genres. I think maybe it’s because the sky’s sort of the limit with this genre.  And YA tends to take it in only one direction. Does that mean, I don’t expect to see tropes?

No.

I get it that tropes are going to be a part of most things, but its how you utilize them and make them your own.  And unfortunately, it seems with YA fantasy that’s not the case.

Overall Rating: A C- hardly original but it’s not the worst thing I ever read.

Creepy: Cure for the Common Universe by Christian McKay Hedicker

Sixteen-year-old Jaxon is being committed to video game rehab . . .

ten minutes after he met a girl. A living, breathing girl named Serena, who not only laughed at his jokes but actually kinda sorta seemed excited when she agreed to go out with him.

Jaxon’s first date. Ever.

In rehab, he can’t blast his way through galaxies to reach her. He can’t slash through armies to kiss her sweet lips. Instead, he has just four days to earn one million points by learning real-life skills. And he’ll do whatever it takes—lie, cheat, steal, even learn how to cross-stitch—in order to make it to his date.

If all else fails, Jaxon will have to bare his soul to the other teens in treatment, confront his mother’s absence, and maybe admit that it’s more than video games that stand in the way of a real connection.

Prepare to be cured.

Source: GoodReads

I DNF’d this sucker in less than 50 pages.  Full disclosure, I’ve noticed lately after I binge a series there’s a higher rate for me to DNF and unfortunately for this book I finished it after I binged on A Court of Thorns and Roses and the Travis book series respectfully.

It stood no chance.  But it probably would’ve helped had the book actually been good-I’m just saying.

Second disclosure, I’m not really much of a gamer.  The only gaming system I ever owned was the old NES system that my dad bought and eventually got tired of and gave to my sister and I,  and my mom was ridiculously strict about not letting us play on it and hid it from me  and my sister, and then lost it when she hid it and refused to get any other gaming system for us, so most of the gaming I’ve done besides the old old versions of Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Brothers 2, and that crappy Where’s Waldo game,  oh and Tetris, has been  primarily  PC games.  Mostly the Nancy Drew games.  I found that my mom couldn’t pick up a desktop and take it a way, so those games made a lot more sense to me.  Plus, she could never complain about Nancy Drew.  She though they were educational (and she was right to some degree, but not really).

As an adult, I don’t have a gaming system either because of budget reasons and again, I’m more prone to play something on my computer.  Though, I am more than a little pissed off at Her Interactive these days for not releasing any credible update on Midnight in Salem (it has been 2 years, Her, and don’t give me that bull-shitty excuse that you’re changing engines even Miss Freaking Clue has been able to produce and update its games faster than you…)

Digressing aren’t I?

Guess that happens when you’re trying to talk about a book you only read 50 pages on.  Hell, I thought awhile before even drafting a review of this like if it would even be worthwhile pointing out what bothers me about it.  Well, I decided it would.  But this is going to be a bullet point review:

• We didn’t really see the character at rock bottom: I mean, yeah he was in his room all the time gaming.  But the MC pointed out he has a 4.0 at school and it’s not like he does drugs or anything.  It seemed more like his dad and stepmom were concerned he wasn’t going to get laid.
• Creepy Parents: Really, you want proof that your son/stepson is talking to a girl and demand to know her number or Facebook page and if the MC would’ve showed you this you would’ve let him out of rehab…priorities.  Also, stepmom is extremely young and it adds to the creepiness.
• Creepy Rehab Center: Rehab does serve a purpose sometimes, but something about this place rubbed me the wrong way.  Maybe because I didn’t think the character’s problem was severe enough to warrant rehab.  Yes, 125 hours playing games in a month is a lot.  But honestly, if you think about it, its probably not that much in hindsight.  And honestly, if the MC is still functional (which he is) I don’t see the fucking point.
• Creepy Counselor Cliche: Enough said.
• Random hot chick  having instant connection with doofus MC.  Check.  At least she wasn’t a total MPDG but she was only in the book for about two pages so she might’ve actually been for all I know.

So, by looking at my bullet points I think I didn’t like the  book because there was just an overall a creepy book or it comes off creepy to me.

Overall Rating: DNF