MJ: Ah, insta love. It’s the sort of love every girl wants in YA. But why? Surely, there’s more to it than just looking into your soul mates eyes and knowing. Right? Well, today I’ve decided to chat with three girls who have found that special someone in their life in five minutes or less. So let’s get started with the show shall we (cue the intro a fancy logo with “What Were You Thinking” flashes and crappy music is heard). Okay, folks let’s introduce our guests. First up, we have Tess from Claudia Gray’s Fateful (a.k.a. that Titanic book with the werewolves). In addition to Tess, we have Grace Brisbane from Maggie Stiefavater’s Wolves of Mercy Falls series. And finally we have Helen Hamilton from Josephine Angelini’s Starcrossed because you know I just love talking about Helen and well I didn’t want to bring Bethany Church back to this show just yet.
(Production Notes: Theme music for each of the guests are heard. “My Heart Will Go On” for Tess, “Hungry Like a Wolf” for Grace, and “Pretty Woman” for Helen).
Grace: You said that there would be puppies.
Grace: You said there would be wolf hybrid puppies. That’s the only reason I even decided to appear on this show. Where are the puppies?
MJ: Um, there are no puppies. At least not here. And definitely not wolf hybrids. Haven’t you heard that…
Grace: I’m just going to leave then.
MJ: No, wait. We have some important things to talk about.
Grace: Like what…seriously, I’d rather be watching New Moon right now than this. And those are digitally created wolves.
MJ : I was going to ask you about Sam. How you fell in love with him?
Grace: He was my wolf it’s not that difficult to comprehend.
MJ: Actually it is? You fell in love with him because he was your wolf?
Grace: Yes. He was my wolf.
MJ: You do realize that wolves are wild animals, right?
Grace: (Shrugs) The heart can’t be tamed.
MJ (Takes a deep breath): So, you didn’t fall in love with Sam when you found out he was human?
Grace: Well, I suppose we got to know each other more. It was nice he could talk, I guess. But I really bonded with him when he was a wolf.
MJ: Uh, huh. Tess, Alec’s a werewolf too, right? Did you fall in love with him when he was in wolf form.
Tess (Wrinkles nose): Of course not, I was almost killed by a wolf. I hate them, save for well Alec.
Grace: How can you hate wolves?
Tess: Correction. I don’t hate wolves. I hate werewolves.
Grace: Still though. Wolves.
Tess: Still though. Death. Honestly, MJ, I think what attracted me to Alec more than anything else was that we always ran into each other and he was just so handsome. It was fate.
MJ: Or plot pointing.
Tess: God, why can’t you be a romantic. I know that you get weepy eyed in that James Cameron movie.
MJ: I haven’t watched that movie since I was about twelve and Leonardo diCaprio was no longer considered hot stuff. Though, I’ll concede that there are lots of pretty dresses in it.
Tess: I only got to wear pretty dresses one or two times in my book.
MJ: I know. Your fashion choices took up several pages. I think in effort to make up for the historical inaccuracies. Like for instance, your relationship with Alec. A few things about it don’t…
Tess: Still it’s a good story.
MJ: It’s alright. I mean, I found it to be an enjoyable enough read but…
Tess: It’s better than the Titanic movie with the rapping dog.
MJ: Clearly. But I’m not talking about that movie. I’m talking about the ridiculousness of your book and your relationship with Alec.
Tess: Oh, please. It’s fiction. Besides, my relationship with Alec is sweet and romantic how can you not like it?
MJ: But it’s based on shallow principles. You liked Alec because he was rich and hot. And you were forced together….
Tess: Isn’t that how all love stories work?
MJ: Well, no. There are actually some good YA book where…
Tess: But those aren’t the popular ones, right?
MJ (Sigh): Let’s move on. Shall we? So to sum up what we have so far. Insta love is based off of obsession and there are supposed romantic undertones to it that really are based on shallowness.
MJ: Just stating the facts. Now, let’s move on to Helen. And just for everyone to know in order to interview Helen I had to be halfway drunk.
Helen: Hi, MJ! Why do you have to be drunk?
MJ: Why do you have to exist? Oh, perfect one.
Helen (Blushes): Oh, please. I’m hardly perfect. I might look like a super model and have all these super powers, but I never wanted it. And the guy I love just happens to be my cousin.
MJ (Yawns): You know, you can marry your first cousin in a lot of jurisdictions in the world.
Helen: Still, it’s gross. We’ll have a baby with like three heads or something.
MJ: Helen, did you know cousin marriages were a pretty common occurrence in the not so long ago past.
MJ: Yeah, people wanted to keep property rights in the family. It happened lots of times. In fact, there are a lot of famous cousin marriages…
Helen: (Dramatically sighs) Still, we can’t be.
MJ: But you were willing to get with Lucas when it was going to what…destroy the world?
Helen: That’s different we weren’t related then. Well, we were but we didn’t know it. And I can survive anything including the apocalypse.
MJ: You know the apocalypse means the end of the world, right?
Helen (Shrugs): I can survive anything as long as I have my magic girdle on.
MJ: Magic girdle. Is that like better than spanx? Don’t answer that. We’re sort of getting off topic here. I want to know what attracted you to Lucas.
Helen: Well, I really wasn’t attracted to him at first. I wanted to kill him, but that was because of an evil curse.
Helen: Seriously. I didn’t want to kill him. I just had too.
MJ: Ever heard of impulse control?
Helen: It doesn’t matter now anyway. We broke the curse and…
MJ: I know, I know. I read the book. I want to get down to the attraction factor. So once you and Lucas broke the curse you fell in love. But why? It’s not like you actually had a conversation or tried to do things the old fashion way. I mean, one minute your trying to kill someone. The next minute you two are sharing beds like Bella and Edward.
Helen: Hey! I am not like Bella Swan.
MJ: Really, do we need to go into this again.
Helen: It’s really off topic. You wanted me to talk about why I fell in love with Lucas so fast.
MJ: Yeah, I sort of did. But you kept avoiding the topic. So I had to touch on the elephant in the room.
Helen: Elephant in the room?
MJ: God for someone who claims they’re so smart….
Helen: Well, there are no elephants…
MJ: It’s an expression Helen. Just like the fact that I believe you have no brain. Anatomically that’s impossible but…
Helen: Hey, I have a brain.
MJ: I see we’re getting nowhere. Just answer the question, what attracted you to Lucas?
Helen: Well, he was hot and after we stopped hating each other that’s all I could think of how hot he was until I realized he was my cousin…
MJ: Alright, just one more question. What’s Lucas’s favorite color?
Helen: I…I don’t know.
MJ: Exactly, which proves my point that insta love is just superficial.
*Note: I do not own Grace Brisbane, Tess, or Helen Hamilton. They belong to their respected authors whose books I have mentioned in the text above. The characters are merely being used to illustrate the concept of insta love. A trope in YA that I can not stand.