Poison Princess: Kresley Cole

What good does  an evening gown do  in the middle of an apocalypse? 
 

I blame my love for awful disaster movies for this book.  I wouldn’t have read it if I didn’t like laughing at the absolute ridiculousness of 2012 or Independence Day.  But here’s the thing at least in the movies you have the bad special affects and acting to keep your interest (and sometimes if you’re lucky, some fantastic abs too), but in books…not so much.  It also doesn’t help, well, let’s talk about it.  Shall we:

General Summary: Evie just got released from Arkham Asylum and is trying to live life as a Mean Girl again, but is getting apocalyptic delusions.  A weird Cajun boy (another Remy Lebeau wannabe), Jackson (who will be referred in this review as Dickwad), comes into contact with her and bad insta love hate  explodes between them.  Before the book decides to get all Roland Emmerich.

Review:

Oh, God.

This is going to be brutal.  I’m in the same state of mind I was when I read Halo and that’s never a good thing.  The thing is I had hopes for this one.  Such high hopes, but after reading some credible reviews I decided that maybe it was best I’d try this one out at the library first.  And I am so glad I did.

I should’ve known when I saw PC Cast did a blurb this book that this was going to be bad.  I don’t like The House of Night books and that essentially should’ve  signaled a kiss of death to me.  But I continued on and by the time it was over (or halfway over since I couldn’t stomach finishing this one), I have lost faith in humanity.

Being associated with this series in general is a sign that eyes are going to bleed.

There are so many issues I want to discuss, but I know if I talked about every single thing that would bother me you’d probably would be doing something better with your time like playing Temple Run or whatever.  So, I will try to make this short and sweet.

First of all, there’s the characters themselves.  All of them are atrocious.  Never mind that half of them after the first hundred pages, so the whole set up for an obnoxious love triangle is moot.  The main character is the definition of a Mary Sue.   We’re introduced to her with her pointing out what she’s wearing to school.  And she describes every piece of her outfit telling us what brand it is and how she’s wearing it .  Even after the apocalypse we still hear about her freaking Coach glasses.  I kid you not.

She might be a shallow self absorbed idiot, but she’s not as bad as that goon of a boyfriend of hers.  Jackson (better known to me as dickwad), makes Edward Cullen look dashing.  This guy is bad news.  And not in the oh he’s a bad boy I want to screw him sort of way.  No, he’s bad news in the I’m a future rapist and I think it’s funny sort of way.  I kid you not.  The way he talks to Evie throughout the book is awful.  He even has a talk with one of his friends about bringing  her down a peg and tells her to stop crying the day that her mom dies (and yes he knows her mom is dead and didn’t even tell her she was dying so that she could say he freaking good byes to her or let her bury her).  That’s how awful this goon face is and we’re suppose to root for him. Excuse me, while I go punch something…

Okay, I’m alright now.  I guess another problem I had with dickwad and with the book was how it generalized Cajuns. I don’t live in Louisiana, but I have been there.  I know people from there.  My sister works there.  And the Cajun culture is prominent there, but it’s not like what you see on Swamp People.  Meaning, it’s not that big of a culture divide as the book makes it seem.  And seriously, Catholics being so different from Protestants?  Really?  Really?  Because I’m Catholic, I’ve been to plenty of protestant churches and a lot of the principles are the same.  I really don’t feel that out of place.  And my protestant friends who attend mass with me don’t seem that out of place as well.

Also, something that bothered me was that Evie went to Atlanta of all places to receive mental care.  Louisiana isn’t in the backwoods.  New Orleans is a large city.  And even if she didn’t go to New Orleans, getting to Houston (a larger city than Atalanta with one of the best medical care centers in the world) is closer than Atlanta.

Yeah….logic fail there.

Logic failure.  That occurred a lot through this POS of a book.  The world building was awful.  The first hundred pages were pretty useless, I thought.  And then once the flash occurs all this stuff is thrown at you.  Instead of focusing on high school melodrama with characters that are dead, maybe some world building that could give the audience an understanding about how the world could get messed up in such a short period of time would be relevant.  Also, I know this is fiction but can be please have a semi logical explanation why the world has ended.  Even Roland Emmerich movies make more sense and that’s just sort of insulting.

Best Feature: Great Premises.  It seems that lately all the books with really good premisses seem to suck.  Unfortunately, this is not an exception.

Worst Feature: I honestly, didn’t know what to put as the worst feature, there were so many things that bothered me.  So I’m just going to say general offensiveness.  That’s right this book managed to offend me on so many levels that instead of focusing on one particular trait of its offensiveness, I’m giving it the general offensiveness award.   How does it offend me?  Well, let’s see it’s offensive to people from Louisiana by using stereotypes.  It’s offensive to those of the Roman Catholic faith by making generalizations about their religion that aren’t true.  It’s offensive to women by having demeaning attitude towards what women can do in society and what sort of relationship is healthy.  It’s demeaning to men portraying them as over hormonal assholes who can’t control themselves.  Must I go on?

Appropriateness:  Hell no.  This book should not be labeled YA.  I am usually very loose with this requirement, but this is not a book for teens.  First of all, I cuss like a sailor and even this book had me wanting to censor it.  The word bitch was used every other page, I swear.  And then there’s the depiction of women and relationships.  Dickwad is not what girls should aspire to have in a boyfriend and then there’s the little fact that apparently all anyone wants to do after the apocalypse is going on a rape rampage.  Really?  Really?  At least Roland Emmerich never went down that route.  Though he did stereotype like this book. But his stereotypes weren’t near as offensive.  As a Roman Catholic woman, I was offended with how my religion and sex were portrayed.  I don’t even think Cole knew anything about Catholicism.  No, we don’t worship the Virgin Mary.  Yes, she’s important to our religion because she’s Christ’s mother, but that doesn’t mean we see her as a deity.  Furthermore, your precious little protestant religion originated from Catholicism and a lot of the principles are the same.  Oh, and then there’s some graphic imagery about maggot infested bodies and bodies that have been experimented on (i.e. mutation).  Do I really need to continue with how disturbing this one is…

Blockbuster Worthy: No.  Just no.  Knowing my luck it probably will be made into a movie though.  And the Jackson/Evie relationship will be pimped even more.  The only good thing is that it would be a good movie to get drunk on.

Evie:AnnaSophia Robb.  I admit it, I’m watching The Carrie Diaries these days.  So she sort of got stuck in my head for this part.  Though Carrie Bradshaw is a far superior character than Evie.

Jackson: Jay Paul from Swamp People.  Actually, he’s too nice and smart to play this role.  But that’s who I pictured Jackson looking like.  Especially since he’s part Houma Native American.

Overall Rating: One out of ten crowns.  This one is bad.  And I really had high hopes for it.  It was just offensive to me on some many levels that I felt a a huge burden lifted from my shoulders when I finished it.  I would’ve given it a zero since there some remarks regarding the Catholic religion that left a bad taste in my mouth, but since it’s decently written except when it goes on it’s acid trips.  I’m giving it one point for that.

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4 thoughts on “Poison Princess: Kresley Cole

  1. Well, I respect your opinion, but I absolutely loved it. I could not put it down. No story is perfect, but I liked Evie and Jackson. The setting was creepy and chilling. I loved the banter between the characters too, and the ending was awesome! And listen, I understand completely if you decided the novel wasn’t for you. Reading and reviewing is subjective. I've read books that my friends have raved about, but I thought were just "okay".

  2. Thanks for commenting. From what I read it's an either love or hate book. I happened to fall into the hate group and I really wish I didn't. There were just a lot of things that bothered me about it but whatever. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

  3. It's okay. The first two episodes were pretty good, but the last one was only so so. I really like the fact that it takes place in the 1980's reminds me of all those John Hughes movies, so I'll probably keep watching it at least for now.

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