The good thing though is that I’m on Spring Break and had nothing to do this weekend other than babysit my father (long story short he decided to climb up a tree to rescued his crashed RC airplane and ended up breaking his foot). Which meant reading and snarking at the second House of Night book was a way to alleviate my stress of being forced to make coconut praline smoothies every other second. So without further ado let’s start drinking to Betrayed by PC and Kristin Cast.
Like with the first book a lot of the same drinking rules apply. You can drink every time the Casts embarrass themselves or humanity (that’s about every sentence), offend humanity in general (once again every sentence), or go on a spill about how Zoey farts rainbows and poops glitter turds (again, every sentence). I don’t like being monotonous and I feel like if I continue with the same format for this drinking game you guys will get bored. So, today I’m going to focus on how to make the most of your drinking (which parts of the book are the most worth getting drunk over).
1) Any Time You Want Sexual Harassment Panda to Make an Appearance:
Remember Sexual harassment panda from South Park? Well, he needs to make an appearance here. The teachers and students at House of Night really know nothing about proper behavior. I could not stand Loren despite the fact he’s supposedly some “hottie”. All I was reminded of was one of those pervy guys who seduces girls with poetry and should be on To Catch a Predator. Seriously, if your under eighteen and he’s older don’t go there. You may think he’s mysterious and hot and age doesn’t matter when it comes to romance, but the fact that he’s legal and your not has lots of ramifications. Plus, don’t you think if he was that great of a catch he’s already have a girlfriend his age already? So yeah, Loren he might be described as looking like a model but I bet the character really isn’t that hot.
2) Every Time the Casts make an ass of themselves involving LGBTs (this originally involved all humanity in general, but they really did a number to LGBTs in this book that they get their own drinking category):
The Casts offend lots of people: Christians, conservatives, blondes, Native Americans, vampires (if they count as people), anyone who has a brain…but I have to say LBGTs got it the worst in this book. I really feel sorry for the character Damien he’s a token character if there ever was one. I literally drank a sip of my chocolate chai every time he appeared because the Casts would make some comment about his sexuality. That he smiled gayly, or that he looked gayer than usual, that he looks like one of those old gay movie stars (Rock Hudson I’m presuming) or that he falls in love with the first gay kid that comes to school, or that he wears pink pajamas. Enough already. Damien is gay. Yes. But that doesn’t mean he needs to be a walking stereotype. Write him like you’d write any character except that he dates guys not girls. It’s not that difficult.
3) Every time you just roll your eyes at the “romance” in this book.
Yes, I know it’s YA and romance in YA can be flimsy at best but I have to say the romance in the House of Series makes Twilight look like the best love story ever told. There’s hardly any interaction between Zoey and the boys who are all in love with her. Out of all of them I probably like Erik the best and that’s only because he’s hardly appears and when he does I just see my Disney crush (Prince Eric) so that makes him okay (though he is ruining that cartoon crush and that isn’t okay). As for Heath, well, he deserves his own drinking game (see 6) an Loren just makes me want to bathe in bleach (see 1). Really, all the romance that’s in this book is Zoey trying to figure out who she loves the best and I could care less who she ends up with.
4) Every time you swear that this series is a rework of that epically challenged fan fic, My Immortal:
Last time, I jokingly mentioned that I thought this series could be based off of a rather infamous fan fic. Now, I’m starting to really wonder. Let’s talk about My Immortal for a minute. Once again, I’ve provided a link to its Wikia page but unless you’ve actually experienced the eye bleeding that this fan fic causes and then read The House of Night you’re not going to notice the similarities. Honestly, a lot of this story reads as a clean up version of the fan fic: the romance is as senseless at the story, there’s a lot of talk about coffins, Count Chocola, about the snow making the character feel depressed, evil and pervy teachers, and a super powered Mary Sue. Heck, there’s even the same generalizations about LGBTS made. Considering that the author, Tera Gillespie is reportedly from Dubai and that the Casts are from Oklahoma maybe it’s just a coincidence. But you never know….
5) Anytime the Casts talk about poetry or try to teach any sort of English lesson whatsoever:
Look, I get that Cast Senior is a teacher in real life (though if my kid got in her class and I read these books, I’d be getting them transferred quicker than you can say Zoey Redbird), but I can guarantee you kids don’t read the House of Night series to learn. Or at least I would hope not. I have not learned a single thing from these books except for the lows that humanity can stoop to.
6) Heath pimping:
Okay, so this sort of goes with category three, but I think it sort of deserves it’s own category. Heath is just unlikeable. The Casts can do nothing to make him likable. I could care less if he smokes or drinks. His addiction issues weren’t what makes him a deplorable character. He’s immature and stupid. And honestly I think this quote says just about everything you need to know about him:
“Erik wasn’t like that at all, and I couldn’t help but compare him to Heath, who would probably have been freaked that he had to room with a gay kid. Not that Heath was hateful or anything like that, but he was a typical teenage Okie boy, which tended to mean narrow minded homophobe.” (Casts 186).
Um, so was that quote suppose to make me like Heath because it doesn’t? In fact, it pretty much seals my feelings for him. Obnoxious tool who just happens to be a homophobe.
And so ends another chapter of The Unofficial House of Night Drinking Game brought to you by MJ’s liver. I’ll probably be reading another one of these books, Chosen, in the next month (or whenever it shows up in my reserve box). What will happen next? Will Zoey find out that she’s the Nyx’s long lost more powerful daughter? Will Grandma Redbird embezzle from the Cherokee bingo parlor’s funds to feed her Etsy habit? Will Heath write a sad country song called “Imprinting Why It’s Not a Legitimate Excuse for Statutory Rape”–oh wait, that’s the wrong type of imprinting? Or will they all go flying in a Mercedes with the license plate 666 (if it’s truly based on My Immortal that could actually happen)?