The Unofficial House of Night Drinking Game: Untamed

Honestly, this cover….I have no words for it’s horribleness. 

What is almost annoying as House of Night….did you say High School Musical?  Well, if you did, then you’re right.  Now imagine if the two of them were combined

House of Night Musical: The Drinking Game!
Honestly, I decided that this particular installment (Untamed) needed a musical review because the whole book read like it was in desperate need of a montage.
Yes, this would so help the book.  Especially I could avoid 200 pages of Zoey’s rants.
So without further ado let’s get this musical on (and oh, yeah, it’s a drinking musical so obviously get out the mixed drinks and disco balls or whatever).
1) “What Makes You Different Makes You Beautiful“-The Backestreet Boys
Better known as the Zoey Redbird theme.  Anytime Zoey talks about how wonderful and special she is you almost want to cue the music.  Though I honestly, don’t know how that would work if Untamed or any of the other House of Night books were turned into musicals.  Wouldn’t Zoey notice she had a boy band behind her?  I guess, if you kept drinking every time Zoey says how special she is from the first line of page one to the last line of the book.  You’d be drunk enough not to care.


2) “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun“- Cyndi Lauper
God, the whole first five chapters could’ve just been a montage with this song. Seriously, this book had way too much girl talk.  I get that we want to show bonding and all that jazz.  But the plot needs to move a little bit.  And God, really, Aphrodite and Zoey doing the female bonding.  No.  Just no.  You know, it’s moments like these that I wish this book was translated to film or TV so I could just press the flash-forward button.  Really, I drank about two glasses of Glitter and Gold tea during these chapters just because I was so bored.  And well, Glitter and Gold tea is really good.
3) “Iron Man“-Black Sabbath
There’s  a new boyfriend to add in Zoey’s harem and his name is Stark-I think the Casts watched Iron Man before writing this book.  I have to admit I get the Robert Downey JR thing, but seriously.  Can we be a little more than obvious?  And this guy, if you think he has some sort of a personality.  Nope.  Just as lame as the rest especially since he declares his undying love for Zoey before he croaks.  Oh, and he has a dog named Duchess.  And that really bothers me because one of the dogs I adopted used to be named Duchess and her former owners neglected her to the point she had to get heartworm treatment and had a liver infection and…well, I guess I’m basing that more on a personal issue than anything else.  But that aside, yeah Stark is lame and this song is too good for him.  But hey, since we’re ripping off Iron Man might as well rip off the song.
The dog formerly known as Duchess.
4) “The Power of Love“-Sailor Moon
Don’t you know everything can be solved with the power of love?  At least that’s what Zoey says before Stark dies.  Yeah, I spoiled this bit for you, but it happens fairly early in the book so I don’t feel like it’s that big of a spoiler.  I just think having this song in here at that moment where she wills him on and he croaks is rather hilarious.
5) “Every Breath You Take“-The Police
Although, Loren is dead that still doesn’t mean that creepy student teacher relationships has ended at The House of Night.  Several times throughout the book Zoey’s dalliance with Loren is mentioned to the point that even Neferet shares with her superior the fact that Zoey slept with a teacher.  Does anyone care that Zoey has essentially been raped?  Nope.  Instead, this is used to imply that she’s a slut. Oh, and did I mention that Prince Eric is now a teacher too and Zoey has the hots for him still which brings us to our next song….
6) “Kiss the Girl“-Alan Menkin and Harold Ashman
Oh, Prince Eric.  I really don’t understand why you’re still trying with this girl.  And for that matter why you’d assign her to be your Desmonda when you’re playing Othello.  Yes, I’ve read the play I know how it not so subtly correlates with what Zoey did to you.  But dude, you’re her teacher now.  And to kiss her in class….Really, really, PC Cast is a teacher.  She should know about maintaining proper teacher/student relationships.  Plus, Prince Eric really you want to get involved with that again.  Le sigh.  I drank a lot during this part.
7) “Listen With Your Heart“-Alan Menkin and Stephen Schwartz
Anytime, Zoey’s grandma makes an appearance I can’t help but think of Grandma Willow from Pocohantas so I just had insert a song from that film into our little musical.  Besides, it’s weirdly appropriate given Grandma Redbird’s crunchy granola advice and how nature always is talked about.  And there’s always some garbage about following your heart.  I really feel like anytime this character appears you can drink.  Oh, and don’t get me started on how the Casts decided to invoke Cherokee legends into their little shit fest.
8) “Faces of the Heart” (“General Hospital Theme”)-Dave Koz
There are a lot of emergencies that take during Untamed and I thought it was only fitting that we’d have an emergency related song in this little musical.  I was tempted to use “How to Save a Life” by the Fray, but no….that’s not melodramatic enough for this piece of literature.  Plus, it’s used on Grey’s Anatomy and Grey’s Anatomy is a much more realistic take on medical emergencies than this books take on them.  So, I decided to use the old General Hospital theme which is fitting in multiple ways since the show involves both medical emergencies and melodrama.
9) “Material Girl“-Madonna
The Casts’s love describing Zoey and her dweeby friends (Nerd Herd-so not catching on) clothes.  So, why not have the song that is all about being a material girl.  It will make those pages of endless descriptions of black clothing more bearable (sort of).  Though the Casts’s lack of knowledge when it comes to menswear is mildly amusing.
10) Anything from the Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack-John Williams
 This one’s actually mentioned by the Casts themselves during the climax-apparently, they had this music playing.  So I had to feature it, though I personally feel it’s a bit out of place.  “Kung Fu Fighting”, I think would’ve been a more appropriate choice here for a fighting song but whatever.  It’s just like the book is fragmented and filled with many gaps of logic.
So Overall Rating: Once again this one gets no stars from me.  As far as this one goes in the series, it’s merely filler except for the last twenty pages.  I’ll probably read the next one whenever I get it in my reserved box only because I have a perverse New Year’s Resolution to finish this series and I’d like to get a lot of it done before I go into the study dungeon.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s