This is going to be a rant.
It’s not going to be impartial.
If you like this series you might as well get the hell out of here because this is not going to be pretty. Currently, I am studying for finals which means I have high stress levels, am writing this during my limited breaks, and have had three cups of tea . Though to be honest, I think this book accelerated my heart rate more than the tea did and that’s not a good thing.
I’ll be blunt about it, this book sucks ass.
The only quasi redeeming feature is it’s cover for it’s pinkness and that stupid wannabe Leven Rambin ruins that.
Okay, now that I have the disclaimer for going bat shit crazy out of the well. I’m going to say it how the fuck did eighteen million people view this shit fest on Wattpad because that’s how it got published. And that’s honestly why I picked it up because I was excited that someone got picked up from Wattpad but this…this piece of elephant shit.
Okay, I’ve cursed it but I haven’t really gone into why this book bothers me or what it’s even about. Well, have you seen that old 1980’s movie, Teen Witch, that’s this movie but add an extremely creepy counselor and an even more obnoxious heroine who has body dysmorphic disorder.
Oh, yeah our little darling of a heroine named Brooklyn (like the bridge, get it!) has body dysmorphic disorder. And it’s not even dealt in a way that’s appropriate. Instead of her parents talking to her rationally after she zaps herself a boob job and a Kim Kardashian rear, she just gets told to use her magic carefully because of the Salem Witch Trials which happened four hundred years ago and a lame story about some great aunt who was killed by a reporter-there were so many plot holes with that explanation I’m not even going to go into how stupid it was. It would be a waste of my time since I have to complain about thirty other things that were wrong with this book, and try to get myself relaxed enough to fall asleep so I can start studying at the crack of dawn tomorrow (law school, makes you such a happy bitch during finals). The thing is, she’s radically changing her appearance and the majority of the readers for this book are impressionable teenage girls who are probably insecure about their appearance from the get go.
Look, I can understand why she’d want to give herself these things, but no consequences? No talk from her parents? And the only person that really gives a flip is creepy counselor and I think there’s really creepy motives there that we’re going to get to in a minute…it’s just wrong. I’m all for not having a heroine that’s prettier than she really thinks she is, but this is the wrong direction to go in. Is it wrong I want more Rose Hathaways and Suze Simons who are satisfied with the way they look imperfections and all. Having this twit zapping herself some new tits, a butt, and a couple of inches, in addition to changing her hair and eyes, oh and lips too that’s just wrong on so many levels. Especially considering that she was the I’m pretty but don’t realize it type to begin with.
Most sane people would’ve stopped after the insta makeover but I continued. Only to get some bizarre version of Mean Girls. Seriously, the popular people at this twit’s school call themselves The Elite. Yeah…I know. And I thought Starseed was the only book to go to that level of stupidity. But nope, Gregaotelis seems to take the same idea of thinking that Mean Girls is an accurate portrayal of high school life.
No. Just no.
As much as I love the Tina Fey movie, it’s satire. It’s true that high school girls are probably some of the most evil people in the world, but they aren’t that overt. And most popular kids I know wouldn’t dare name their little group something, let alone The Elite.
Not to mention it’s also the title of a shitty YA book.
And why the hell does Brookie even want to hang out with them? It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that they’re using her. And it’s not even like her Man-cessory hangs out with them. So, it’s completely stupid. And irrelevant. All we get out of it is she hurts her bestie, the freaking school counselor-that’s right our main character’s best friend is a school counselor who is about ten years older than her. Isn’t that creepy. The school counselor is my age and her best friend is a sixteen-year-old who’s her student. They eat lunch and trade Little Debbies every day (maybe not the Little Debbie part), but they eat lunch together every day. Like besties.
I have no words.
You know it’s one thing to have a favorite teacher or administrator. I can maybe even understand the lunch thing, if Brookie was working as an office aid or something. But it’s like b.f.f. lunch. The counselor is jealous when Brookie starts making friends her own age.
Though maybe she was just missing her Little Debbies (mmm, Little Debbies).
Oh, and also apparently becoming a school counselor is a fate worse than death since apparently creepy counselor used to be a cool high school chick before listening to high school melodrama-hey, she majored in education it was her choice. And what’s so sucky about being a school counselor? You’re helping people, that is a good and noble career.
Okay, I think I need a wine break.
That’s better. So yeah…the school counselor was just about as weird if not weirder than the love interest and his sister who just randomly show up. Oh, and the love interest has magic powers too. And these magic powers they’re never really explained. The world building is zip.
I really want to know what makes this book so popular. Eighteen million hits is a lot. It’s very impressive. When I saw this I was impressed. Excited to read this. But then all of this? I notice a lot of people thing this book is aimed towards a younger audience, but honestly I’m calling bull shit on this. Because younger readers shouldn’t have to put up with this trash. They aren’t stupid and there are so many good middle grade books
out there that suggesting this is really a good middle grade book is ridiculous.
This book is just a waste. I hate saying it. But it made me angry. I don’t like writing reviews like this. I don’t like DNFing another book but that’s what I had to do. I’m just so infuriated right now. I read two hundred pages of this book waiting for the main character to grow up a little and she hadn’t not one bit. And even if she did I don’t think I’d care. I was hoping for a light frothy witch book that was sort of like Sabrina the Teenage Witch
but what I got was a pile of shit that I’m not going to get out of my mind soon. Seriously, you think Mean Girls
is reality. Maybe Tina Fey should write a movie about that and people who think The Titanic wasn’t real
(a.k.a. sheer stupidity).
No stars for you book. Nada. This is just disgusting.