I love the wisteria. But why do they always use the same laying on the ground routine. It’s contrived then again….
It’s finally happened.
I’m giving a Melissa de la Cruz book a Good Reads one star and on my own rating system a three maybe even a two if we’re going to be honest.
It’s just that bad.
I want to tell you guys a story. Imagine you’re me. Last week was a good week. I was finally finished with law school, excited for graduation. I even bought myself a Kindle Fire with my Lexis points so that I could finally read e-galleys like a normal person. And then I saw The Winds of Salem on Net Galley. I loved the Blue Bloods series (well, most of them) and it was free and inviting and I was like I’ll just ignore the faults of Serpent’s Kiss because Melissa was having a bad day.
This series on a whole sucks.
I wanted to be positive. I wanted to tell you I loved it. For the most part the writing was fairly decent. She tended to tell more than show and that seems to have been a problem in general with this series. And it wasn’t that difficult to get through. It was essentially easy reading. And I loved the Norse mythology. It reminds me of Thor. And Chris Hemsworth who plays Thor. There’s even a Thor character in this installment who I really could get behind if you know she developed him more. In fact, I actually rooted for him over the other guy who was established over the course of the past two books.
That’s really sad.
Considering the Thor character only had four lines. But given the way Ingrid was constantly avoiding Matt and the fact she took Thor with her to save Freya from the evil Puritans -who by the way operate on a level that’s similar to the movie versions of The Crucible and The Scarlet Letter- I was thinking if de la Cruz continues to cash out this poorly crafted series for four or five more books with Blue Bloods. I’m definitely Team Thor. Because when you compare Chris Helmsworth to the guy they casted as Matt it’s kind of obvious who wins. Though I can see why you would find that guy sort of hot. But seriously.
And yeah, I know I’m being superficial which is excused because this book is superficial, but the chemistry was more palatable between these two characters as well. It also might’ve helped that we didn’t get this.
Not that it matters much if you were Team Thor vs Team Boring Detective because what could’ve been a somewhat interesting love triangle was resolved rather quickly. What wasn’t was fucking Freya’s relationships.
I hate Freya. I really do. My pen pal, a fellow de la Cruz zealot, hates her too. I hate her for different reasons than Livvie does though. Livvie couldn’t stand her by her mere introduction, i.e she cheats on her fiance in the very first chapter of the very first book. I sort of let them one slide mainly because I thought it might’ve been for shock value and it could be interesting seeing a not so perfect character. But does Freya ever grow or learn from her actions.
Instead, de la Cruz pulls a Cassandra Clare
where Freya doesn’t have to choose.
I hate that. Of course you have to choose. You might say you don’t, but polygamous relationships don’t last. I don’t care if you tell me there’s that show on TLC and that I’m being closed minded…but this is a book. I want a resolution to my stupid love triangle. And was there a love triangle here? Really. Because up to the last fifty pages Loki was a douche to Freya until it’s revealed it’s Odin…God, I miss the Loki in the comics. He would set all these idiots right.
And then there’s Johanna, that drip husband of hers, and her moron son who’s in insta love with this stupid character who ditches him for a term paper. I kid you not. I have lots of problems with these three. Well, mainly the mother and the son.
I’ll start with Johanna most of her story is being conned by her maid into paying for her child’s private school education. You know, I could understand getting a raise or maybe asking for a loan. But wanting your boss to pay 20K a year for private school as a gift. Please, bitch. Please. And why not public school? It’s not like the little brat is a genius or anything, he’s not even in school yet the mother’s just afraid he’ll be bullied in public school.
Like private school is going to help with that.
But it apparently will if you go to a school ran by a guy named Rainbow. He guarantees your kid won’t be bullied while the kids educate themselves and randomly dance because they don’t need structure….
Yeah, if I had a kid and we were looking for private schools the fact that the guy goes by the name of Rainbow would be an automatic no for said school. And no, you can’t guarantee that there will be no bullying. Bullying happens everywhere. Private school isn’t going to stop someone from pushing your kid and his purple Stingray Bike in a gutter.
Needless to say, he doesn’t go to Stormy’s
, I mean Rainbow’s (seriously, did de la Cruz get that idea from Holly Madison
) school But the fact that four or five chapters was devoted to this had me wanting to throw my Kindle at the wall.
Johanna basically does nothing after that except something that was supposed to make me cry but made me evil smile instead. If there is another one of these books, you can be guaranteed it will be better because I don’t think Johanna is going to be a center character much longer.
Her husband…well, he and Johanna went from estranged to lovey dovey. He’s your typical mancessory. And he’s also there so we can here about Uncle Arthur-you know, that annoying douche who helped ruined the last Blue Bloods book and helped those stupid wolves from Wolf Pact
instead of letting them die so that I wouldn’t be subjected to Lawson’s point of view in Gates of Paradise….
Yeah, I don’t like Arthur. Almost as much as I don’t like Freddy. Oh, Freddy.. A misogynist in jock’s clothing. I really don’t like this guy at all. So he starts off married at the beginning of this book, but things get bad because his wife’s friends with this evil feminist who knows that Freddie sits home and eats Cheetos, pets his pet pig, and plays World of Warcraft all day. Okay, so occasionally he pretends to be a firefighter but that’s only for like twenty pages in the book, so he can bitch about feminists. Judith, Gert’s friend (seriously, who names their kids Judith and Gertrude these days, my grandma’s name is Gertrude) says fireman instead of firefighter and he corrects her on that saying she’s not sticking to her feminist values. Um, do you even know what feminism is, idiot? It’s about women having equal rights, equal pay, having control over their bodies that sort of thing. I get that some feminist want neutral gender titles for jobs, but you know what that’s not what it’s really about. Anyway, Judith who he nicknames “Judy” because I just love guys who randomly nickname girls gets bitch slapped and tied up by the pixies. Then his wife leaves him (obviously) though she tries blaming it on a paper.
It wasn’t the paper Freddy.
And oh, yeah, those annoying Jar Jar Binks characters are still around acting moronic as ever. Just like Jar Jar this whole mess could’ve been avoided if it hadn’t been for them.
And let’s talk about the actual villain. As I said before, no stinking build up. None at all.
Okay, now that I introduced you to our so called wonderful cast of characters (again). I have to discuss the plot. I suggest you getting something to drink. I’m ill and have had too much champagne from yesterday’s festivities, so I’m going to stick with nasty orange Gatorade. But you guys should probably get something stronger because this plot…well, you’ll want to get drunk.
So, basically here’s the deal. One of the dumbasses (Freya) got herself sucked back to the 1600’s a la Charmed
in the last book and she’s amnesic and doing stupid things like having sex in the woods with hot guys in Puritan times. At least Massachusetts doesn’t have alligators like Mississippi does a la Heaven
, but still puritans and it has to be cold too especially if it’s like winter time/early spring like this book takes place (I think). Really stupid.
Honestly, Melissa’s YA novels are more mature than this. Really the sex and the relationships though we also got that annoying “my love” trash here to that we got with Blue Bloods. Seriously, Jack and Sky saying my love to each other when they’re two modern day teens…different book. But still it made the relationship seem faker than Britt’s baby with Patrick on General Hospital.
So, everyone is trying to save Freya and her boy toy. Ingrid’s pulling a few all nighters at the library. However, she doesn’t realize you have to take a Starbucks break and her boyfriend’s sort of getting busy with his baby momma. And then another guy, who could’ve been interesting, and who she shares more chemistry with pops up in her life….that’s right Thor. And he’s hot. And you’re like girl why…why didn’t you want this guy? Have you seen those arm muscles…but that doesn’t really matter that much because this book is all about Freya and how she can have it all.
All the other characters make sacrifices. Freya though at the end she has both men and I sort of think this was it. I mean, a lot of the loose ends were tied here. Other than who does Freya choose there’s no story left to tell. And really, the whole thing with Loki was so, so unnecessary it was resolved in the first book. So moral of the story, throw away one actually potential love triangle for one that makes you groan. Because virgins can’t have love triangles (though I guess Ingrid can technically have love triangle now because of grief sex but I guess that’s sort of a moot point).
And all I have to say is I’m done. Done with this cash cow known as the Blue Bloods universe. I might read another one of these books if they’re published because I just want to see how this shit ends (though I think this is it). I might even give Vampires of Manhattan a chance. But that’s a huge if and if I do read it, it will most likely be a library check out. I honestly think this universe is about as worn out as the Shadow Hunters universe and hope that de la Cruz moves on to something else soon. This series to me has been a particular failure it had interesting ideas and concept, but the execution failed flat. Plot points that could’ve been interesting were dropped in favor for more contrived idiocy.