Do Judge a Book by Its Cover: Destination Covers

It’s June.  Which means the beginning of summer.  And if you’re not me, meaning forced to go to a community college for eight hours a day to study for the bar (because hey a JD doesn’t automatically mean you can start suing people left and right), you’re probably getting ready to go on vacation.  And since I love being thematic this months is going to feature destination covers.

What the Cover Says: Avi’s girlfriend, Sophie, died last September on his birthday when she mystery got picked up by a wave dragged into the water.  On the anniversary of her death he hears a song that draws him towards the beach where he spots what appears to be Sophia.  Is it really her, a ghost, or something more sinister?  Will he ever see his September Girl again?  Or will he be allured by new hot and sassy waitress, Kiki, who is also a September Girl?  Past love or present love?  Will grief or moving on win?

What the Book is Really About: This guy who’s obsessed with his dick goes to the beach for the summer after his mother leaves him.  Where he complains about women and everyone like goes gaga over him.  It’s said to be a loose retelling on the Little Mermaid.  But with more talk about male anatomy.

Verdict: This cover is disturbing mainly because it looks like it’s going to be a fairy light or sappy beach read, a la Nicholas Sparks.  However, it turns out that its a more disturbing look into a misogynist’s mind.

What the Cover Says: Lucy always wanted to go to Italy.  So finally after working months at Papa Johns she’s able to go on a school trip.  She’s instantly swept off her feet by Giovanni (because there’s always a guy named Giovanni in these books).  But is Gio really using her because she’s one of those American girls?  And what’s with her best friend Michael why’s he acting all weird?  He should be happy he has all the gelato he can eat and he’s not working at Papa Johns either.  And why is Lucy just noticing that Michael is ripped?  Did those Papa Johns t-shirts really hide his physique or is she just oblivious.  Oh, well, she can have some gelato….

What the Book is Really About: This girl goes to Italy to find out about a lost legacy but the book really ends up being about….

 
Verdict: Well, at least the cover doesn’t try to be serious.  And I think for what it’s worth if you like light and frothy books about traveling through Europe you might like this book.
What This Cover Says: Emma is so fed up with her mom.  Instead of spending the summer hiking through the mountains with her boyfriend Craig like she was supposed to, she’s forced to spend summer with her grandparents while her parents work out their issues (d-i-v-o-r-c-e) where she finds out she has to work on their tour boat.  As a mermaid.  And that means Emma has to get her hair wet.  And she hates getting her hair wet.  And what will happen when a hot fisherman catches Emma’s mermaids tail instead of some Mahi Mahi will she go bottomless like Doris Day did in The Glass Bottom Boat?
 
What the Book is Really About: This mermaid Lily accidentally kisses the wrong guy.  And apparently in mermaid land you can’t kiss a lot of frogs to find you’re prince.  You have to kiss the right guy the first time around.  And that sort of sucks.  But at least Quince is sort of hot.  Even though Lily doesn’t see it because she’s dumb as a box of seaweed.
Verdict: I like this cover.  Though I don’t get the blue lips.  It suggests fun beachy read and that’s what it is.
What this Cover Says: Zoey has always had crush on a certain actor who played a sparkly vampire.  Alas, she’s only a costume designer on the set of his latest movie that involves a carnival and lots of cotton candy (obviously, it’s based off of a Nicholas Sparks novel) and one day Mr. Sparkles (the vampire) notices Zoey after an interesting talk about mustard stains from all those hotdogs he’s forced to eat.  And it sort of grows from there, but Zoey obviously doesn’t want to commit to Mr. Sparkles because he’s still dating Ms. Prune Face despite the fact that she and Mr. Director went to the Alps together so that they could reenact the ending to Snow White.  Will Zoey give up on her Hollywood crush will Mr. Sparkly finally realize body glitter is bad and rehearsing the kissing scene in Snow White is not actually rehearsing the kissing scene?  And what about all these dreams Zoey is having about cotton candy?
Yum, cotton candy.
 
What this Book is Really About: This girl gets this job at a quasi Disney World place and has a crush on a prince (he’s not a real prince, at least I don’t think he is) and deals with the boss from hell.
Verdict: Cute.  I think it conveys the feeling Strohmeyer is going for.  And I want to read it.  But dude, the model totally looks like R Patz at certain angles that it’s not even funny.
What the Cover Says: Ally was always a bit of a loner at her high school.  She has better things to do like repair motorcycles.  Which is where she meets Gus. Who shows her a whole new world.  A world where outcasts rule and get angel winged tattoos that because this is YA have some mystical powers.
What the Book is Really About: Angels have been abducting people from Riley’s hometown for years. The town’s people have tried to deal with this atrocity by starting a cult.  Riley takes a little bit more active approach and gets out a shotgun shooting one of these angel SOB’s in the face and rendering him wingless and amnesic.
Verdict: This book is so pretty to look at.  Usually I hate cartoony covers on YA books but this one is okay.  I think because of the star filled sky and the fact that the characters aren’t that visible.  Plus, doesn’t this look like the perfect summer night even though you know the MC shoots the hot angel guy in the face.

Awaken: Meg Cabot

Seriously, why most Pierce always pose in a position where you can see down her dress.  OOH, is that John he has nice arms and that jaw is very Gaston like.  Seriously, that model should get a job at Disney World.

General Summary: Shit is going down in the Underworld.  And Pierce is going to have to put her big girl panties on when John faces imminent peril. Will she be able to save her love?  And why are all these birds appearing out of nowhere like it’s a Hitchcock movie?

Review:

I liked this one and oddly I didn’t think I was because the first third because I was like nothing is happening.  While stuff was happening but Pierce was just a spectator and then…well then, shit happens.

I will have to say this is the first book in this series that really felt to me, genuine Meg Cabot.  Arguably, Underworld had its moments.  But I finally saw the development I wanted to see in Awaken which was more than a little refreshing.

Let’s start with the plot.  It’s intricate and somehow she puts it all together.  Grant it, I didn’t like how a little of the threads were left till the very end…but it worked.  And I liked how Meg would throw you a piece of the puzzle and you would think you’d know how it fit together and bam a curve ball.  Also, you could tell a substantial amount of research went into this book and I have to thank Meg for that.  Lots of the times authors try to avoid research.  And I get it, researching can be a pain in the ass.  But it really does make a book.

What I think was surprising to me the most about this book was its characters.  I’ll be honest, up until this installment I really liked the side characters better than the main characters.  That was sort of the opposite with this book with the exception of Mr. O who was just awesome.

Yeah, I liked the main characters more this time around.  Well, John.  Pierce and I…well, I liked her better towards the end.  But John. He’s, well, a Cabot man.  Yes, he does have rage tendencies and at first glance he appears to be your typical YA bad boy idiot, but this is a Meg Cabot man he of course ends up being dreamy (well, more tolerable).  And then there’s the chemistry he shares with Pierce.  I always have sort of frowned on their relationship because it’s essentially insta love.  But man, oh man, there are some panty melting scenes here.
Another thing I really liked about this book is that it doesn’t take itself seriously.  Cabot knows it’s a little over the top and that’s okay.  The book is supposed to be over the top and I think it’s sort of fitting it uses The Florida Keys as it’s environment.  If you’ve ever been down to the Keys you know that the area itself is sort of surreal.  The vegetation,  the people, the fact that you can get pie thrown in your face…anything can happen.

Best Feature: John.  I  really grew to love this guy.  In the first book he came off as your typical YA ass.  But he’s really grown on me.  He reminded me of Indiana Jones in this book at the beginning-you know when Indy jumps off the boat and….well, he has that sort of attitude.  And he only improves with the story.  I thought his interactions with Pierce’s friends and family, especially her father, were hilarious.

Worst Feature: Pierce.  I really get annoyed with this character.  She means well and I get that Cabot wanted to have a character that wasn’t book smart which is refreshing because most of these YA girls are all AP Harvard bound students.  But sometimes Pierce….well, she’s a little too stupid for her own good.  In a lot of ways she reminds me of Snow White.  She’s a nice girl but compared to all the other Cabot characters she’s bland and lacks any sort of street smarts.  Okay, so she sort of grows a backbone at the end.  But still, she lacks logic.  Suze and Jess would both be laughing at her.  And both those girls would’ve jumped to action from the very beginning.  And I’ll admit, when it comes to Cabot books I have a bar set pretty high when it comes to my heroines.  I always expect a Suze, Jess, or Mia.  And Pierce is comparison to a lot of these YA MC’s isn’t bad at all.  But really some of the things she doesn’t understand…just Google it.  And really, why is she content on NOT finishing high school.  Yes, not every kid is academic bound and she’s going to live in the underworld and all, but if John ever ditches her she’s going to have to have a diploma to get any sort of job (even a low wage job). Seriously, do you want to be doing these jobs (if you’re lucky)?  I guess it helps her dad is Tony Stark  Mr. O, but couldn’t she have some drive to at least get a GED or something.

Appropriateness:  If you’ve read the second book then you know that  Pierce and John share the same bed (i.e. have sexual relations with each other) it’s never discussed in much detail only that they do it and that they’re essentially shaking up together.  There’s also some language in this book.  Drug use is discussed in passing and there are some battle scenes.

Blockbuster Worthy: Sure.  I’ve already done casting here.  Though I will have to say one role I didn’t cast (because he didn’t appear in the books until really this installment) is Mr. O.  And it’s obvious who should play him: Tony Stark.

Overall Rating: Even though the first third of this book moved sort of slow (I’m not a patient person), the last 2/3 really wowed me. Yes, it was a little over the top but I loved it.  So I’m giving this one an eight out of ten death deities.  I really have to give Meg credit for this series, I was less than thrilled with Abandon, but the books have improved with each installment.  And you have to give credit where it’s due.

The Summer I Became a Nerd: Leah Rae Miller

Those are some shiny legs.

General Summary: Maddie a cheerleader has a secret obsession with comics.  But she’s afraid if she mentions the fact she finds herself obsessed with X-Men (who can blame her her name is Madelyn Jean Summers).

Review:

I’m going to start this review with an analogy that if you read my pre-review on Good Reads, you’ve probably already seen it.

Imagine if you will that you’ve been scoping out this guy from far away.  And he seems perfect for you and low and behold he asks you out and you go out on a date together.  And, well, the date’s just awkward.  It’s not that it’s terrible there’s moments where you’re like yeah…that’s why I’m into him but other times you’re like what was I thinking.  I need to ask for the check.  But you don’t.  Because you reassure yourself that if you survive the date’s awfulness there’s a bottle of wine at home.

This book is that date.

It’s not a bad book.  The plot is pretty simplistic.  And honestly I knew it could be dubious.  Because popularity was a main part of the plot.  And I usually hate any book that’s about being popular unless it’s written by Meg Cabot or in movie form by Tina Fey.

However, I was willing to give this one a chance because it promised me the wonders of comic books and cosplay and all that good stuff that makes me watch The Big Bang Theory.  And the comic stuff was quite good.  To go back to our analogy. It’s like every time my date would smile at me or hand would caress mine I would feel that little zing.  But the rest of the time, nope nothing.

I’d say most of problems with this one resided in the main character Maddie.  I actually liked her YA significant other.  I know, I know.  That has to be a plus doesn’t it.  And it is, but for now let’s talk about Maddie.  She’s one of those girls.

Meaning, she has popularity on the brain.

I was glad that she was already popular though.  I can deal with that better than the I wannabe popular I’m going to ditch my friends and personality type.  But essentially Maddie was sort of like that.   And it was weird how Logan wanted her to drop everything-including her boyfriend-like a hot potato for him.

I get it, every nerd boy dreams of the day when they could have their very own Penny (a la The Big Bang Theory), but the way Logan was acting I was reminded of those scenes in those other books where the hero or the MC’s best friend feels so betrayed because she ditched them to play with Barbie and Ken.  And then Maddie’s guilt I really didn’t get it…

 

Much like I didn’t get why she hung out with Logan when she was dating Eric.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Logan a lot.  But I was like, girl this is only going to lead to trouble.

Which it did.

But at least she did try to break up with Eric, I will give her that.  But really I never got them as a couple.  I never really did.

Much like I didn’t get why Maddie was obsessed with hiding the fact she likes comic books.  Liking comic books doesn’t automatically make you a nerd.  Most people like comic books that I talk to.  I mean, look at how many movie tickets Marvel/Disney sold for The Avengers-that should be an indicator.  And who cares if people don’t like your cosplay.  It’s cosplay.  It’s cool.

But Maddie is obsessed with what people think.  And besides a girl who she was never really friends with anyway, no one really cares that she likes Batman and is now dating a guy who wears Iron Man boxer shorts (yes, he actually mentions this).

And yes, I found Logan to be adorable for the most part.  Save for the fact he took his little sister with them on their first date that…that was something.  I mean, it wasn’t even like she was truly forced on them.  Would you like to be babysitting on your first date?  It’s not romantic.  I mean I know Ann M. Martin has tried to make baby sitting looking alluring exciting to us for years with describing Claudia’s ridiculous outfits that she buys from watching Baby Einstein with the kids next door but please….

And Vera wasn’t a bad kid.  In fact, she was a little too perfect for a kid.  You know kids throw tantrums and act ridiculous sort of like Maddie…

Yeah, I know I’m harsh.  But really a lot of her actions were just a little over the top.

Overall though, I really did enjoy this one despite the gooey, gooey cheese and icky amounts of cringe moments (skim the last quarter if you don’t want to be covering your face).  It takes place in Louisiana too, which is always a plus.  And guess what it got points because it wasn’t offensive to Louisiana too (do you know how hard that is in YA).

Best Feature: Nerd Out.  Again, this must be a popular feature this week.  I honestly kept reading this for the comic book references.  It was sort of hilarious/disturbing how many of the characters were named after X-Men characters.  And I really liked the fact that Logan was a DC man.  Even though I am now into more Marvel stuff (their live action movie’s having been kicking DC’s ass).  I still hold great appreciation for DC, mainly because it was that brand that got me to love comics.  Plus, they have The Justice League.

The now regulation nerding out picture.  

Worst Feature:  Slut Slamming.  Oh dear.  I get that the Power Girl dresses provocatively but you don’t need to compare her to a porn star every other page.  BTW, she no longer wears the boob window costume.  They revamped it for the New 52 (not that it’s that much of an improvement since gets the Indiana Jones woman treatment in clothes-same costume but through wear and tear gets conveniently skimpier).  Not that I would care much if they dressed the men as provocatively as the woman.  Seriously, have you seen the way they’ve been sketching Catwoman lately?  I don’t think any of the DC ladies have heard of Victoria’s Secrets.

And the climax.  Basically it consisted of Maddie claiming her turf against a supposed evil bitch.  Well, two supposed evil bitches who were out to steal her man-cessory.   Seriously, if he likes you he’s not going to go out with the token mean girls.  You don’t have to do that weird real life role playing thing that makes the Christmas D&D on The Big Bang Theory look tame.

Appropriateness: This one is pretty clean.  I actually think it would be good for middle graders save for the whole Powergirl has boobs that borderlines on pornography according to this book and other slut slamming.  The language is mild, the characters only kiss, and for the most part they’re in the holding hands stage.  I mean, Wolverine’s little sister tags along with them on a date.  You can’t get to sexy good times with little sisters.  Though he did wear that Power Girl t-shirt.

Blockbuster Worthy: Sure, why not just for the sake of this blog entry.  It’s actually a fairly simple story and adapting it to the big screen should be easy enough. And casting these roles should be easy enough if I have a TARDIS.

Maddie: Kaley Cuoco.  Hey, she plays a popular lady dating a nerd.  She used to play  a teen on TV too and if I could deage her she’d be a perfect Maddie.

Logan: Johnny Gaelecki.  See nerd dating popular girl on favorite TV show.  Plus, he already knows how to wear glasses.  Bonus feature.

Overall Rating: I’m giving this one a five out of ten.  It probably would’ve gotten a bit higher score, but the ending just annoyed the heck out of me.  So first 3/4 gets a six maybe even seven the last 1/4 it squeaked by with a four.   Suggestion skim the ending savor over the first seventy-five percent.

Spirit and Dust: Rosemary Clement-Moore

So, a couple of years ago I went to a book signing by Texas Gothic which was by one of my favorite authors, Rosemary Clement-Moore.  During the signing Rosemary talked about the book she was working on which was supposed to have an Indiana Jones meets Leverage vibe and I was like I have to have that book.  And, well, now I do.  So, I guess I have to review it.

Book singings, a place where you can actually wear a dress with rabbits on it and get away with it.

General Summary: Daisy Goodnight can see dead people and she works for the FBI.  That’s like combining two of the best Meg Cabot characters ever and putting them into one person who’s even more awesome than they are.  Yeah, that’s Daisy.  And she just happens to be on a case and gets kidnapped.  By mobster and she has to find his daughter or she’s toast.  And did I mention she has a great aunt that’s like Lara Croft but without the short shorts?

Review:

There are several things I want in YA books.  This book has it all.  Let me list them shall I 1) kick ass heroine, 2) hot FBI agent that I imagine looking like a younger David Duchovny, 3) mysteries, 4) magic, 5) mobsters, 6) really hot mob henchman that doesn’t look like Steve Burton (thank God), 7) archeology, 8) museums, 9) dinosaurs, and 10) kick ass descendants who were like pioneers in their field and make you go Indiana Jones who….

Yeah, all of this is in this book.

You can nerd out now.

And it could’ve been ridiculous it really could, but somehow it all worked.  I honestly don’t know how Rosemary does it.  But it did work.

As usual, the characters were well formed.  From all the books that I have read of hers, this is probably Rosemary’s biggest strength.  Every book I’ve read by her has a distinctly different protagonist.  And this one is no exception.  And their all well formed characters.  True I like some Clement-Moore heroines better than others, and luckily for Daisy she’s on the higher end of the totem pole.  And so is Carson.

I like Carson because he’s multilayered.  He’s not a good guy and he’s not totally bad.  Yeah, I know in an action adventure story that’s the sort of love interest you want.  And it is, obviously, but in YA you don’t often see this type of character?  Sure we have “bad boys” but usually these are undiagnosed psychopaths.  There’s actually story to why Carson is the way he is and there’s so many twists and turns to it.

The one complaint I will make about characters is Taylor.  I really liked this guy even though he was barely in the story-well, in comparison to Daisy and Carson.  I guess that’s a good thing because love triangles really annoy me.  But I liked Taylor a lot.  And I hope he will be in another Goodnight book because he was pretty cool.  Though I will admit the FBI’s role in all of this was a bit of a stretch.

The plot as I said before surprisingly worked though it did drag a little in the beginning. Once it did start moving though it didn’t stop.  I can see this being where some people might get annoyed with the book.  It does get a little over the top again.  I mean come on, dinosaurs coming back to life that’s only in Jeff Goldblum movies and Night at the Museum too-sort of.  But it really worked nicely.  And I have to say, I’m glad to see Ancient Egypt finally be featured in a YA book where it actually works.  The research done on the archeology concepts was interesting.

Best Feature: Nerdom. If your a Harry Potter geek, Indiana Jones/Star Wars fan, comic fan, really anything where they have a convention where you can get dressed up and celebrate your geekdom this is the book for you.  Usually, pop culture references annoy me, but they are used effortlessly here.  Besides, who doesn’t like the occasion Harry Potter reference.  And it involves archeology and Egyptology that has my little fan girl mind going woohoo.  Honestly, the book almost has an Indiana Jones meets  Mickey Blue Eyes meets The Mediator meets 1-800-Where R U meets  Charmed feel and while that sounds so wrong it really works well.

Obviously, I loved this part of the story.  I mean, when I found out there was a comic convention going on at my law school graduation I was like awesome and had to get some cosplay in my photos.  Oddly enough, I think I’m probably dressed the most strange.  I blame the tam.

Worst Feature: Pacing.  The book starts off very slow, but it does pick up.  I often find that this is the biggest complaint I have with Clement-Moore books.   This did not fall to the pacing issues that The Splendor Falls had, but I did struggle occasionally with this book. But once I got into it…

Appropriateness: There’s some violence.  It involves the mob (obviously).  And some scary stuff you’d see out of The Mummy or something.  There’s also some hot kissing scenes too, though they never seem to go further than kissing.  Unfortunately.  As for language I don’t remember any f bombs or anything like that it was for the most part pretty PG-13.

Blockbuster Worthy: Sure, I’d love to see this one as a movie.  Here’s who I’d cast:

Daisy: Emma Stone.  Yeah, I know I casted her for Amy.  But I need a redhead with personality.  I mean, who else am I going to choose Lindsay Lohan?  Please.  Well, Amanda Bynes is wearing wigs these days…okay, now you have to know I’m joking.  I seriously think though that Daisy would be the perfect role for Emma to sink her teeth into

Carson: Andrew Garfield.  Okay, I’m cheating here.  But have you seen the new Spiderman?  And despite what my friend Henry thinks, Andrew has Tobey beat hands down.  It might help that Andrew’s version of Peter Parker isn’t going emo all after Kristen Dunst and doing some weird dance number that really belongs in High School Musical Part 5000.

Overall Rating: I’m giving this one a nine out ten.  I really enjoyed it.  It probably won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but it had things in it that I really loved.  I hope we get another Goodnight book soon because they kick ass.  Thank you Rosemary for making my first day of BARBRI slightly bearable.

The Winds of Salem: Melissa de la Cruz

I love the wisteria.  But why do they always use the same laying on the ground routine.  It’s contrived then again….

It’s finally happened.

I’m giving a Melissa de la Cruz book a Good Reads one star and on my own rating system a three maybe even a two if we’re going to be honest.

It’s just that bad.

I want to tell you guys a story.  Imagine you’re me.  Last week was a good week.  I was finally finished with law school, excited for graduation.  I even bought myself a Kindle Fire with my Lexis points so that I could finally read e-galleys like a normal person.  And then I saw The Winds of Salem on Net Galley. I loved the Blue Bloods series (well, most of them) and it was free and inviting and I was like I’ll just ignore the faults of Serpent’s Kiss because Melissa was having a bad day.

She wasn’t.

This series on a whole sucks.

I wanted to be positive.  I wanted to tell you I loved it.  For the most part the writing was fairly decent.  She tended to tell more than show and that seems to have been a problem in general with this series.  And it wasn’t that difficult to get through.  It was essentially easy reading.  And I loved the Norse mythology.  It reminds me of Thor.  And Chris Hemsworth who plays Thor.  There’s even a Thor character in this installment who I really could get behind if you know she developed him more.  In fact, I actually rooted for him over the other guy who was established over the course of the past two books.

That’s sad.

That’s really sad.

Considering the Thor character only had four lines.  But given the way Ingrid was constantly avoiding Matt and the fact she took Thor with her to save Freya from the evil Puritans -who by the way operate on a level that’s similar to the movie versions of The Crucible and The Scarlet Letter- I was thinking if de la Cruz continues to cash out this poorly crafted series for four or five more books with Blue Bloods.  I’m definitely Team Thor.  Because when you compare Chris Helmsworth to the guy they casted as Matt it’s kind of obvious who wins.  Though I can see why you would find that guy sort of hot.  But seriously.

And yeah, I know I’m being superficial which is excused because this book is superficial, but the chemistry was more palatable between these two characters as well.  It also might’ve helped that we didn’t get this.

Not that it matters much if you were Team Thor vs Team Boring Detective because what could’ve been a somewhat interesting love triangle was resolved rather quickly.  What wasn’t was fucking Freya’s relationships.
I hate Freya.  I really do.  My pen pal, a fellow de la Cruz zealot, hates her too.  I hate her for different reasons than Livvie does though.  Livvie couldn’t stand her by her mere introduction, i.e she cheats on her fiance in the very first chapter of the very first book.  I sort of let them one slide mainly because I thought it might’ve been for shock value and it could be interesting seeing a not so perfect character.  But does Freya ever grow or learn from her actions.
No.
Instead, de la Cruz pulls a Cassandra Clare where Freya doesn’t have to choose.
God….
I hate that.  Of course you have to choose.  You might say you don’t, but polygamous relationships don’t last.  I don’t care if you tell me there’s that show on TLC and that I’m being closed minded…but this is a book.  I want a resolution to my stupid love triangle.  And was there a love triangle here?  Really.  Because up to the last fifty pages Loki was a douche to Freya until it’s revealed it’s Odin…God, I miss the Loki in the comics.  He would set all these idiots right.
And then there’s Johanna, that drip husband of hers, and her moron son who’s in insta love with this stupid character who ditches him for a term paper.  I kid you not.  I  have lots of problems with these three.  Well, mainly the mother and the son.
I’ll start with Johanna most of her story is being conned by her maid into paying for her child’s private school education.  You know, I could understand getting a raise or maybe asking for a loan.  But wanting your boss to pay 20K a year for private school as a gift.  Please, bitch.  Please.  And why not public school?  It’s not like the little brat is a genius or anything, he’s not even in school yet the mother’s just afraid he’ll be bullied in public school.
Like private school is going to help with that.
But it apparently will if you go to a school ran by a guy named Rainbow.  He guarantees your kid won’t be bullied while the kids educate themselves and randomly dance because they don’t need structure….
Yeah, if I had a kid and we were looking for private schools the fact that the guy goes by the name of Rainbow would be an automatic no for said school.  And no, you can’t guarantee that there will be no bullying.  Bullying happens everywhere.  Private school isn’t going to stop someone from pushing your kid and his purple Stingray Bike in a gutter.
Needless to say, he doesn’t go to Stormy’s, I mean Rainbow’s (seriously, did de la Cruz get that idea from Holly Madison) school  But the fact that four or five chapters was devoted to this had me wanting to throw my Kindle at the wall.
Johanna basically does nothing after that except something that was supposed to make me cry but made me evil smile instead.  If there is another one of these books, you can be guaranteed it will be better because I don’t think Johanna is going to be a center character much longer.
Her husband…well, he and Johanna went from estranged to lovey dovey.  He’s your typical mancessory.  And he’s also there so we can here about Uncle Arthur-you know, that annoying douche who helped ruined the last Blue Bloods book and helped those stupid wolves from Wolf Pact instead of letting them die so that I wouldn’t be subjected to Lawson’s point of view in Gates of Paradise….
 
 
Yeah, I don’t like Arthur.  Almost as much as I don’t like Freddy.  Oh, Freddy..  A misogynist in jock’s clothing.  I really don’t like this guy at all.  So he starts off married at the beginning of this book, but things get bad because his wife’s friends with this evil feminist who knows that Freddie sits home and eats Cheetos, pets his pet pig, and plays World of Warcraft all day.  Okay, so occasionally he pretends to be a firefighter but that’s only for like twenty pages in the book, so he can bitch about feminists.  Judith, Gert’s friend (seriously, who names their kids Judith and Gertrude these days, my grandma’s name is Gertrude) says fireman instead of firefighter and he corrects her on that saying she’s not sticking to her feminist values.  Um, do you even know what feminism is, idiot?  It’s about women having equal rights, equal pay, having control over their bodies that sort of thing.  I get that some feminist want neutral gender titles for jobs, but you know what that’s not what it’s really about.  Anyway, Judith who he nicknames “Judy” because I just love guys who randomly nickname girls gets bitch slapped and tied up by the pixies. Then his wife leaves him (obviously) though she tries blaming it on a paper.
It wasn’t the paper Freddy.
And oh, yeah, those annoying Jar Jar Binks characters are still around acting moronic as ever.  Just like Jar Jar this whole mess could’ve been avoided if it hadn’t been for them.
Idiots.
And let’s talk about the actual villain.  As I said before, no stinking build up.  None at all.
Okay, now that I introduced you to our so called wonderful cast of characters (again).  I have to discuss the plot.  I suggest you getting something to drink.  I’m ill and have had too much champagne from yesterday’s festivities, so I’m going to stick with nasty orange Gatorade.  But you guys should probably get something stronger because this plot…well, you’ll want to get drunk.
So, basically here’s the deal.  One of the dumbasses (Freya) got herself sucked back to the 1600’s a la Charmed in the last book and she’s amnesic and doing stupid things like having sex in the woods with hot guys in Puritan times.  At least Massachusetts doesn’t have alligators like Mississippi does a la Heaven, but still puritans and it has to be cold too especially if it’s like winter time/early spring like this book takes place (I think).  Really stupid.
Honestly, Melissa’s YA novels are more mature than this.  Really the sex and the relationships though we also got that annoying “my love” trash here to that we got with Blue Bloods.  Seriously, Jack and Sky saying my love to each other when they’re two modern day teens…different book.  But still it made the relationship seem faker than Britt’s baby with Patrick on General Hospital.
 
So, everyone is trying to save Freya and her boy toy.  Ingrid’s pulling a few all nighters at the library.  However, she doesn’t realize you have to take a Starbucks break and her boyfriend’s sort of getting busy with his baby momma.  And then another guy, who could’ve been interesting, and who she shares more chemistry with pops up in her life….that’s right Thor.  And he’s hot.  And you’re like girl why…why didn’t you want this guy?  Have you seen those arm muscles…but that doesn’t really matter that much because this book is all about Freya and how she can have it all.
Seriously.
All the other characters make sacrifices.  Freya though at the end she has both men and I sort of think this was it.  I mean, a lot of the loose ends were tied here.  Other than who does Freya choose there’s no story left to tell. And really, the whole thing with Loki was so, so unnecessary it was resolved in the first book.  So moral of the story, throw away one actually potential love triangle for one that makes you groan.  Because virgins can’t have love triangles (though I guess Ingrid can technically have  love triangle now because of grief sex but I guess that’s sort of a moot point).
The end.
And all I have to say is I’m done.  Done with this cash cow known as the Blue Bloods universe.  I might read another one of these books if they’re published because I just want to see how this shit ends (though I think this is it).  I might even give Vampires of Manhattan a chance.  But that’s a huge if and if I do read it, it will most likely be a library check out.  I honestly think this universe is about as worn out as the Shadow Hunters universe and hope that de la Cruz moves on to something else soon.  This series to me has been a particular failure it had interesting ideas and concept, but the execution failed flat.  Plot points that could’ve been interesting were dropped in favor for more contrived idiocy.

Awesomly Lifetime: I Do (But I Don’t)

Cara Lockwood is one of my favorite authors in both the YA and adult world (have you read Dixieland Sushi because if you haven’t, you totally should).  So imagine to my surprise when I found out she had a movie made out of her books.  And better yet a Lifetime movie staring of all people Dean Cain.  Yes, the Dean Cain the person I use for my hottness scale in these reviews because he is like a staple Lifetime man-good and bad.  I kid you not, all Dean Cain has done other than some  Ripley’s Believe it or Not show after Lois and Clark is Lifetime movies.  And that’s not really a bad thing because I freaking love Lifetime movies.

Honestly, I had planned on doing a book vs movie review for this one, but I sort of lost the book (I think it’s somewhere in my dad’s car, but I really don’t want to make an attempt to go in there and to sort through all his various crap-he still has his RC airplanes junk in there from March when he broke his foot), and his saxophones, and his…well, you get the picture.

Melodramatic Summary: Lauren is a wedding planner like J Lo save for the fact Miranda Priestly some bitch with an obnoxious Jack Russell Terrier is her boss.  What will happen when hottie Dean Cain starts taking interested in Lauren (played by Denise Richards in her Charlie Sheen days) and Lauren finds out she’s the groom of one of her big shot clients?  Will she commit a J Lo and fall for the groom or will confide herself to being the wedding planner/baby sitter to an obnoxious Jack Russell Terrier?

Note, not all Jack Russell Terriers are bitchy.  Some are just bitchy to their friends (the Rat Terrier).

Review:

Honestly, this is probably my favorite Lifetime movie.  Does that make it the greatest movie ever?

Hell no.

It has some major faults.  But this is the cheesy goodness I want when I watch a Lifetime movie that isn’t ultra melodramatic.  And I have to say even though the story is fairly unrealistic and over the top cheesy when it comes to the romance between the two characters, I liked it.  Maybe it’s the chemistry that Cain and Richards share.  Or maybe it’s the fact that Dean Cain is in it.  Or the source material itself.

Cara Lockwood writes pretty kick ass fluff.  Converting kick ass fluff into a fairly decent Lifetime movie isn’t that difficult.  It also helps that there’s a cute dog in it.  And who doesn’t like cute dogs? Though in the book it was a not so cute Persian not a dog.

Honestly, the plot is very predictable.  You probably saw it in the Wedding Planner (God knows, even the bitchy bridezilla looks like the bride in that movie), but it’s original enough.

And while it’s true that there’s no Matthew McConaughey in this movie, Dean Cain makes for a nice substitute.  And it’s about weddings, how can you not like movies about weddings?

If I was to be more critical about this movie I would say that it’s biggest problem is probably that it’s filled with cheese.  Some of the lines are groan worthy.  The way everything works out is eye roll worthy.  And you’re like come on…but on a shitty day that’s honestly what I need.

Lifetime Squee: Dean Cain is a fireman.  Need I say more except he needed to drink milk shirtless in this movie like those old Milk commercials with the firemen and then we’d be in business.  Also, there’s a whole rooftop date scene.  Rooftop date scenes by their very nature are romantic, I think it’s the candles and the fact that Hugh Jackman started this trend.

OMG Lifetime Moment: The cheating husband. And the whole pregnancy plotline.  These actually occur in the book, I think (remember I only got through about sixty percent of it before it became lost in the Volkswagon),  but Lifetime takes it to another level.  Especially the cheating husband plotline and the mother’s attitude towards the whole thing.

Overall Level: I really like this movie.  It’s like my pick me up movie for a horrible day (yes, I own it on DVD and yes I know there’s something truly wrong with me).  If I was going to actual rate it to mainstream Hollywood movies, it would obviously get  a much lower rating.  But as far as Lifetime movies are concerned this is the perfect movie.  And it’s only fitting I give it ten out of ten Dean Cains.

Rapunzel Untangled: Cindy C Bennet

General Summary: So Rapunzel has been stuck up in her tower by her mother (and no she does not sing “Mother Knows Best” or any other songs because this takes place in the modern world).  However, Rapunzel has a blue bird for a best friend and she meets a prince (well, he’s not exactly a prince but she meets a guy….online).

Review:

Oh boy.

I have mixed feelings about this one.  I like the fact that it’s good clean fun and that it’s a Rapunzel retelling (who doesn’t love a Rapunzel retelling) and that’s about it…

Which is sort of sad.

It was my first Kindle purchase after all.  And I wanted that purchase to be kick ass.  But this wasn’t.

Yet, I don’t feel like ripping this one into little bitty shreds because while it had several dumb ass moments, I could see some people enjoying this one.

I know, weird right?  Me not wanting to rip into something bad.  What is wrong with me?

What I’m trying to say is if you can suspend logic, like fairly bland characters, or are just naive you might like this this one.  And that’s not a bad thing.

However, there were lots of problem with form and substance with this one and I think for the purpose of the review.  I’m going divide these two sections up.

Form:

In general this one read okay.  Major issues I found were repetitions with words or scenarios.  There were like four or five chapters that ended with the same scenario (i.e. Rapunzel either went to sleep or kissed Fang).  Also, there was repetitive uses of certain words throughout the book.

Another issue with form was excessive descriptions.  I really hate it when characters are described in detail.  Not that I hate descriptions, I like descriptions.  But to have the characters describe themselves to each other in such detail over Facebook…um yeah, it doesn’t work so much.

I think that was the same feeling I got with a lot of the dialogue that went on between the characters as well.  It just felt stilted.  And that wasn’t just because dialogue was often used for info dumps.  I think it was because of third person.  Honestly, I think it’s more difficult to write in third person than first and it shows here.  There’s just a very stilted tone with the writing and I felt it told more than showed.  Was it bad?  No.  I enjoyed it enough.  It was pretty clean over all, but there was just something off if that makes sense.

Substance:

Okay, this is where the real problems with the book reside.

Substance.

Let’s talk with the characters first.  God, were they dumb.  Dumb.  Dumb.  Dumb.

I can’t handle stupid characters.  Because I figure out their problem before they do.  And that’s just not fun.  And really…really Rapunzel you didn’t think anything was up?  If you really were Bubble Girl you’d think you’d be seeing doctors on a regular basis.  You’d be not allowed to open your windows and see pretty blue birds and if you wouldn’t be immune to your mother’s germs.

Then there’s the fact she knows about Google but never thinks to Google herself, her mother, or anything related to the questions that her mother refuses to answer.  Can we say stupid?

It gets worse though….you want to know what she does Facebook stalk?  And she meets a random guy, who uses a fake name on Facebook who doesn’t have a profile picture (She doesn’t either-who doesn’t have a profile picture?)  Internet safety much?  Or for that matter any knowledge about how Facebook actually works….ugh.

And then the fact that Gothel blindly trusts her and doesn’t even have Spyware, have some sort of blocking program on the machine, or check her online history?  Really?  I thought that was how she was going to get caught-because no way in the YA version would they have Rapunzel gets knocked up by the prince like in the original version.  But the way that she got caught, she practically handed herself to Gothel by confronting her.  Girl, what did you expect Gothel to do admit she was wrong and take you back to your birth parents?

And then there was the end.  It seriously, seemed like something out of Anastasia bad guy included.  In fact, I felt like this was a mixture of that movie and Tangled (the characters are described looking just like Disney’s version and there’s even some scenarios).  It just didn’t make sense, not to mention Rapunzel had no one who cared about her save for Fang?

Really?

You think her bio parents just because they’re divorced don’t give a rat’s ass about her.  Did you see that Anderson Cooper special about missing kids last week?  Geez….

Best Feature: Appropriate.  I really like the fact that this book was age appropriate.  That’s hard to find in this day and age.  And I really think that this would’ve made a good middle grade book.  Okay, so yeah, I do think that sometimes the book was immature but overall it’s a YA book that I wouldn’t be that nervous handing to a preteen save for one issue which I’ll discuss later.  Also, the idea is pretty kick ass.

Worst Feature: Illogical mess.  A lot of the plot is driven by stupidity.  If the characters had a lick of common sense then the story could’ve been over a lot sooner than it was.  Also, seriously, would you just randomly accept a request from a stranger on Facebook.  I mean, that’s not safe internet behavior.  And the fact that this book sort of says that’s okay…sort of ruins its best feature.

Appropriateness: If you’re looking for something for a younger teen, this is a book to get.  There’ s no cursing that I can think of and they barely kiss.  Okay, maybe the end has some magic violence.  But it’s nothing you wouldn’t see in a movie like Anastasia. Probably the worst thing is the message it gives about finding significant others on the internet.  Obviously, Bennet has not watched Lifetime television.

Blockbuster Worthy: Sure, a cute Disney movie of the week.  Cornball humor included.  Here’s who I cast:

Rapunzel: Britt Robertson.  She sort of looks like how I imagine this version of Rapunzel looking like.  But she’d have to get some extensions.  Obviously.

Fan3: The dog from Harry Potter.  Okay, he’s a lot hotter than that. And his name’s Fane not Fang (even though I frequently refer to him as Fang throughout this review)  I’m actually thinking of someone who looks sort of like Corey Monteith.  And before you say he’s too old, well, Fang I think looks older than he is.  He’s 6’6 and has a six pack at seventeen.  You tell me?

Overall Rating: Five out of ten feet of hair.  It’s not horrible, but it has it’s faults.  I liked the idea and I thought that it was something younger teens could enjoy.  But overall, it was sort of an illogical mess.  A for effort though.

Awesomely Lifetime: Sundays at Tiffany’s

My penpal and I are obsessed with Tiffany’s. I  think it’s the packaging.  How can you not like something in an aqua box?  Better yet, how can you not like something advertised by Audrey Hepburn (note, advertisers find the modern day equivalent of Audrey Hepburn to represent your brand and you’re golden).  So a few days ago she jokingly sent me the trailer to this movie called Sundays at Tiffany’s which I had to check out because it’s Lifetime (duh).

 
Melodramatic Summary: Phoebe Halliwell (her name’s actually Jane in this movie) had an imaginary friend  and he disappears after she turns ten and her mom’s buying her a necklace at Tiffany’s- seriously, what sort of ten year old gets a present at Tiffany’s?    Anyway, it’s like twenty years later and she’s marrying McDreamy only he’s more like McDouche who happens to be her sister’s husband from Charmed and her imaginary friend shows up looking all hot and perfectly ripped despite the fact there’s no 24 Hour Fitness in Imagination Land.  What’s a girl to do?
Review:
I really liked this one.  It was like cotton candy TV.  Nothing that substantial.  But would I watch it again: probably.
The actings fairly decent.  All the characters had chemistry even Henry/McDouche and Phoebe had chemistry.  And when you have chemistry with your former brother in-law (well, former TV brother in-law) that says something.  Especially when the movie’s written to where you’re supposed to hate the couple.
I really liked Michael though.  A lot better than McDouche and that wasn’t because of the writing. Though there were some cute moments between those two because of the writing.  What I’m trying to say is that the performance seemed genuine even through all of the cheese.  And boy was there lots of cheese.
In typical Lifetime fashion this movie shows romance in a total unrealistic light, but the general context of the movie-your imaginary friend growing up hot and being, well, the perfect man allows it to work.  And it’s set in New York at Christmas time.  You know it’s going to be a little unrealistic because of that.  And it’s better than 12 Dates of Christmas. Maybe because I’m not staring at Amy Smart’s bad nose job throughout the entire movie.
 
Oh, and think Zack  Attack every time I watch that movie.
Lifetime Squee:  Oh.  It’s good.  Not only is imaginary boyfriend super hot.  But we also have McDouche who’s not bad on the eyes when he keeps his trap shut.  I think I prefer Imagination Land boyfriend though.
OMG Lifetime Moment: Well, no one gets assaulted, kidnapped, cheated on, or embezzled in this Lifetime Original.  Which is weird because I read the book’s summary on Wiki and it seems like there was a lot of stuff to go all Lifetime out on.  I think the biggest OMG Lifetime moment from the actual movie is that McDouche is, well, such a McDouche.  Seriously, how can you not know your fiancee is allergic to mushrooms?
Overall Ratings: Eight out of ten Dean Cains.  I liked this one.  Sure, it wasn’t overly dramatic and no one died, got kidnapped, or got beat up by a bad ass girl fight.  But it was cute.  And Lifetime knows how to do cute.  Besides, it made me crack ship Phoebe and Henry and I’m off to fanfiction.net to see if I can find any fics to fit my thirst for this pairing. Even though Henry’s like a McDouche in this movie.

In Honor: Jessi Kirby

I want those boots.

General Summary: After her brother’s death Honor decides to spontaneously go on a road trip with his best friend, Rusty.  And you all know how these YA road trips go…

Review:

I wasn’t expecting much from this one to be honest.  I was expecting it to be cute enough, but not great.  Surprisingly, it turned out to be sort of refreshing.

The plot wasn’t that refreshing because honestly you get what you expect.  It’s a road trip where you realize lots of things about yourself, your dead brother, and his hot friend.  That’s not that different-well, the dead brother part might be.  But replace it with a dead parent, dead best friend, dead significant other you get the picture.  What this book’s strength was that it was beautifully executed.

Although, the book is very short (less than two hundred and fifty pages) it feels longer than it is and in a good way.  I got wrapped up in this world that Kirby created.  The main leads were both well developed.  I liked how we got to know Honor and Rusty and their relationship felt so realistic.

For the most part this book was realistic fiction.

That’s something YA is lacking right now good realistic fiction.  I feel like a lot of the choices that are out there in this medium are either one of the following: a) bad Lifetime movies in book form, b) YA that borderlines on NA bad sex scenes included, or c) someone ends up finding that their a spawn of a movie star or royalty (which isn’t bad per say but….not so much reality).

This book actually defies those odds.  And that’s what makes it so great as realistic fiction besides the bad ass writing.

Seriously, I love the way how this novel dealt with Honor’s grief and how it was interwoven throughout the road trip.  It flowed just beautifully.  No awkward transitions whatsoever.  The relationships also developed realistically enough throughout the novel.

The road trip was fairly realistic, though I did have a problem with the fact that they seemed to get out of Texas really fast.  From someone who lives in Texas, it takes forever to get out of the state.  If you live in central Texas you’re looking at a six to twelve hour drive (twelve hours for going west-getting to El Paso is brutal ya’ll).

Best Feature: Beautifully Written.  I thought the way this book was written was pretty kick ass.  I loved how the memories of Finn were woven throughout the story.  It wasn’t obtrusive and it didn’t take away from the story.

Worst Feature: Predictable.  Okay, there’s nothing that original about this book.  It’s not that exciting.  So if you want something with lots of plot turns this one probably isn’t for you.  This isn’t a death sentence though (at least for this book).

Appropriateness: There’s some strong language, teenage drinking in this one.  But considering the protagonist is college age and this borders on being NA because of that, this is pretty calm.

Blockbuster Worthy: Sure, I could see Lifetime buying the rights and ruining it.  But to be honest, it really would be a pretty good movie provided they stuck close to the source material (which hardly happens in Hollywood).

Honor:  Emma Roberts, maybe?  Honestly, not that sure about who should be casted for Honor.

Rusty: One of the brothers on Supernatural.  I’m leaning more towards Dean than Sam, but if you prefer the other one cast him.  There’s an Impala in this book.  Therefore, there needs to be one of Winchester brothers taking the leading man role.  And yeah, I get that they’re probably too old to play an early twenty something.  But this is my casting and I can cast whoever I want in my head.

Overall Rating: I’m giving it an eight out of ten.  This book is hardly original, but I thought it was written quite beautifully.  If you’re expecting a book that’s heavy in plot, this probably isn’t the book for you.  But if you want something that’s a bit more character oriented you should give this one a try.

The Unofficial House of Night Drinking Game: Tempted by PC and Kristin Cast





Note: the following scenario is fiction and is used to illustrate my absolute hatred for the House of Night series.  Note, I am not actually a teacher and have not actually substituted for PC Cast.  I am merely using the classroom setting to illustrate my disdain for this piece of shit.



Somewhere in Oklahoma



MJ: Good morning class.  You’re teacher Mrs. Cast isn’t available so I’ll be teaching you guys today.  It says you were talking about Tempted?

Brown Noser: Yes, Tempted.  Its Ms. Cast newest and greatest book that she wrote with her daughter, Kristin.

MJ: Oh, hell no.  Your teacher isn’t PC Cast of House of Night fame.

Random Kid 1: That would be the one.

Brown Noser: Are you okay Ms. J?
MJ: You’ve been taught by PC Cast, I thought it was only a myth in the YA world that she’s a teacher.
Brown Noser: Oh, no.  She’s our teacher.  And she’s really great.  We talk about the House of Night series all the time.  It’s an educational experience.
MJ raises an eyebrow.
 
Brown Noser: It really is.  And if we’re really good we become a self insert character in the book.  Like, I’m one of the red fledglings.
MJ: There’s a Red Fledgling named Brown Noser?
Brown Noser: My name’s not Brown Noser it’s  Ebony Darkness Dementia….
MJ: Do you think I’m actually going to remember your name?  I’m only a sub.  And regardless, why would anyone want to be associated with those books.  I use them to get drunk.
Brown Noser: You can’t get drunk from House of Night.  It’s a literary classic.
MJ: Okay, fine.  I’m all ears on how not to get drunk on what’s this one called again…
Bored Kid: Tempted.  Though there’s no sex in it.  They talk about the importance of not losing your V Card to a slut.
MJ: Then no one must do it with Zoey.
Brown Noser: Hey, Zoey isn’t a slut.  She’s a self assured woman.  Having six boyfriends does not make you a slut.  That Z put Erik in his place.  Ms. Cast calls Zoey a feminist.
MJ: Why can’t I get drunk on the job?
Brown Noser: You want some brown pop I’m sure….
MJ: Okay, so you learned it’s okay for Zoey to cheat on Prince Eric because she’s a feminist.  But if a guy cheats on her…
Random Student 2: Then he’s a man ho.  I tried asking Mrs. Cast what the difference is and she says that’s feminism.
MJ: No, no.  No.  Feminism is about equality for women.  That you can…you know what….let’s watch a documentary on Susan B Anthony or maybe watch that clip on Entertainment Tonight about Hillary Clinton and the evolution of pant suits.  Okay?  And after that let’s talk about feminism.
Brown Noser: We’re supposed to watch movies in class.  Mrs. Cast says they rot your brain.  Besides, we finished talking about feminism a long time ago.  Now we’re talking about cultures.
MJ: Oh, this should be good.  Let me guess more bull shit about the Cherokee culture.
Bored Student: Pretty much.  We’ve learned how to say daughter in Cherokee probably every other day in class.  Oh, and we talk about the legend of A-ya  a lot.  It’s actually real, believe it or not.  I honestly thought Ms. Cast got that off of Wonder Woman.  But I Googled it and it’s actually based off of a real legend.  She does do some research.  Some being the operative word.
MJ: Like the fact that somehow she incorporates Greek mythology into it and it’s not rationalized.
Brown Noser: That’s not true.  She did provide an explanation remember when that Nyx and the Virgin Mary are the same person and…
MJ: What?  What?
Brown Noser: I was saying that….
MJ: I heard you Nyx and Mary are NOT the same person.  The Virgin Mary is Christ’s mother she’s not the personification of night.
Brown Noser: Well, in the book the nuns hinted that since Catholics worship Mary….
MJ: I am Catholic.  We do not worship Mary.  We only worship God.  Just God.  Mary is Jesus’s mother.  She holds an important place in the church but she is not a deity.
Brown Noser: But Ms. Cast said.
MJ: Fuck Mrs. Cast.  She probably did most of her research on Catholics from The Sound of Music.
 
 
Student Three: You need to put a word in the swear jar.  Ms. Cast only allows us to use the word bullpoopie and that’s in extreme circumstances.  Once I said asshat in class and she didn’t know what that meant.
MJ: Isn’t the meaning sort of obvious?  Does she even use context clues? Or for that matter watch South Park?
Student Two: What’s context clues?
MJ: Haven’t you learned anything about writing?
Brown Noser: We learned a lot about writing.  Ms. Cast wrote tempted in multiple POV and in first and thrid person.  They did it so that we could see different types of writing.
MJ: It was an incoherent mess though.  They can barely write first person so why did they think third was going to be much better.  In fact it was even worse if that’s even possible.
Brown Noser: I liked the other POV.  I liked how the Casts used the word “dang” to designate Stevie Rae’s POV. And both Heath and Stark…
MJ: Sounded the same.
Bored Kid nods head.
 
MJ: Okay, so it seems like the only thing you sort of learned from Tempted was Cherokee legends and they were butchered.  And you guys all do your homework so that you can be self insert characters?
Student One: Pretty much.  But it’s more educational than Twilight.
 
MJ: Yes, but Stephenie Meyer wasn’t a teacher.  She didn’t state that student/teacher relationships were okay.  And that wanting someone to be in a monogamous relationship is being pushy.  And that  making assumptions about someone’s religion….you know what guys, let’s watch The Avengers.  No, wait, she’s dampened that with all her not so subtle innuendoes of how she’s crushing on RDJ.  Okay, let’s watch Glee-wait, they referenced that too.  How about Oklahoma!  Damn it.  Let’s just watch a movie the Casts haven’t tainted.  How about Roman Holiday?
 
Brown Noser: Cool, the next House of Night book is taking place in Italy.  Well, the end of this one sort of did…but Mrs. Cast said.
MJ: Fine.  We’re going to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Because if anyone can kill Zoey Redbird it’s her.