Really, this is the dress your pricked your finger on a spindle for? Really? That cover: barf.
General Summary: Talia is about to experience her sweet sixteen in the seventeenth/eighteenth century (I’m assuming it’s the eighteenth, but considering they refer to Virginia as the new world and the whole pilgrim thing got blown off it might be the seventeenth) when she idiotically touches a spindle after be told not to multiple times. Three hundred years later she gets kissed by this idiotic trespasser from Miami and it must be well I’ll let him tell you….
No, I’m not talking about the Disney movie. Though I have to say that movie is kick ass if for anything the artwork. Yeah, Aurora is a bit of a Mary Sue (okay, a lot), but the villain and the faeries make up for it. Not to mention, Prince Phillip is the first Disney prince that is sort of not a man-cessory. But we’re not talking about the Disney movie.
Instead, we’re talking about Alex Flinn’s Sleeping Beauty retelling, A Kiss in Time.
I have to say the set up of this novel is fairly interesting. I mean, imagine waking up hundreds of years later because you made a stupid decision. The ramifications could be very interesting. Especially considering the fact that the country was basically be run in feudalism adjusting to 21st century life should be harder than turning it into Williamsburg: European Edition.
Yeah…me and this book we didn’t work. And it’s not a bad book. It’s average. I was just hoping for something more….yeah, I know I’m am a Disney princess when it comes to that.
Okay, the book. The plot pretty much is non-existant. Oh, except for the last fifty pages and the reason for the Maleficient character….lame.
Yeah, I get she was trying to give the villain more backstory. But I think it backfired on her. I could understand why the king would get upset with her. Was it logical, no? But I understood the circumstances perfectly.
And for the villain to go mwhwhahahaha I’m not done with you yet. And then they forgive you after all that crap?
Stupid just stupid.
Almost as dumb as the main characters.
Let’s start with our heroine, Talia. She’s a spoiled brat. She lives in the 17/18th century and has dresses shipped from across the world for her stupid birthday. Oh, and then when she wakes up it’s still about the dress. Oh, and how Jack must be her love because he kissed her.
And Jack, dear lord. You remember that horrible movie A Kid and King Arthur’s Court-of course you don’t….well, let me refresh your mind:
Mainly because of the tool protagonist which is exactly what Jack was. A tool. Seriously, this guy breaks into a castle and kisses an unconscious girl because she’s hot. He doesn’t even think of calling 911-or whatever Belgium’s version of 911 is because he has to play tonsil hockey with Talia who’s unconscious….get your mind out the gutter.
And then he randomly let’s her get on a plane with him to Miami and deems it necessary to book her with a model agency not even asking her if she wants to be a model before he finds out she’s too fat and…
Yeah, Talia is too fat. Apparently so, despite being deemed “perfect looking”. But don’t you guys worry, the faerie that put that beauty charm of her adjusts to the time period’s beauty standards so she’s dropping those pounds like she’s on Plexus.
Want to hit something. I do.
Okay, so insufferable characters, beauty spells that make you lose weight even though you don’t need to, non-existant plots. What else can we add to this suckage fest….
Historical inaccuracy. Seriously, Flinn’s idea of what the 17th century was like consisted of what a Disney movie would depict it as. Perhaps that’s why Flinn kept mentioning Virginia (hello, Pocahontas and minus the cannibalism).
Best Feature: Easy Peasy writing. Flinn is a decent writer. It doesn’t take much effort to read fifty or so pages. That doesn’t mean the book was great. Just I didn’t have to roll my eyes for bad similes and excessive violet prose.
Worst Feature: Historically Inaccurate. Really, really, Ms. Flinn I’m supposed to buy that Euphrasia (God knows, Genovia was even a better name for a made up country than that) is an accurate portrayal of how a European 17th/18th century country would be ran. For one thing, Talia speaks surprisingly modern for a girl from this period. And then the politics that were going on in that country weren’t even discussed. Or the general lifestyle. Like Talia was perfectly clean, had tons and tons of dresses. Guess Flinn decided to gloss over the fact that there was no deodorant lots of social unrest in Europe during this period. And then once the country became visible again….yeah, CNN so would be reporting about this.
Appropriateness: There’s some heavy teen drinking, annoying body image issues with this book, and I think there may have been some cursing. But pretty PG-13. Some might even say the tone of this book was more middle grade than YA. But the teen drinking definitely puts it in the YA category.
Blockbuster Worthy: Maybe as a Disney Channel movie. Beastly, the Flinn book that was turned into a movie, was a horrible adaption. They basically took out the whole end scene and the transformation was just very anti-climatic in general. This book doesn’t have blockbuster quality to it (if Beastly got pushed to dead month, then this well….hello made for TV movie), but God knows Disney Channel loves to butcher history so this might actually be a nice partnership.
Talia: Ashley Tisdale. She’s Disney’s go to girl for slightly bitchy blonde heroines. Right?
Jack: Justin Bieber. He’s annoying enough and has about the maturity level of Jack. Seriously, I can totally hear the Biebs moping about how he has to travel across Europe and kissing random sleeping girls because he thinks they’re hot.
Overall Rating: Five out of ten sleeping masks. It’s not the worst book I ever read, but hardly the best. It’s average. I think my explanations for Flinn might’ve been too high. And that’s okay. Like I said it’s not that bad of book it’s just….ugh.