Raiders of the Lost Bookshelves

Welcome, to a new feature called Raiders of the Lost Book Shelf.  This is where I dig into the mountains of books I have on my shelves and in storage and discuss my purchasing history.  And try to rationalize why I actually bought said book and if I would’ve still bought it today.

How it was Acquired: I actually stole this gem from my sister’s shelf. It’s not that memorable.  I think I stole it because I was obsessed with I Dream of Jeannie. And I was eleven and my sister’s YA books seemed taboo back then.

What is the Book About: This girl gets a genie for her birthday and mayhem occurs.

How is it Cringe Worthy: Just look at that model.  Why is her mouth opened that way?  I get she’s surprised.  But really.   Really.  And the genie, I bet if this was a television sitcom he’d be one of those annoying characters I’d want to punch.

Do I still Want it: No.  I remember it being kind of dumb.  My sister liked the book though, so if I can dig it out of storage I’ll gladly give it to her.

How it was Acquired: Another finders keepers from my sisters shelf-but this one I actually wrote a book report on (or one of its sequels), so I sort of remember it more.  And these books weren’t bad, but I remember finding both the main character and her sister sort of annoying.
What is the Book About:  I remember there being this hot guy named Russell (really, the hot guy’s name is Russell.  The only Russell I know is my dentist and I don’t think dentists are in general hot) and he works in this amusement park that’s like an epic failure of a plot.  And of course the hotter older sister gets Russell’s attention and the plain sister acts like a slut slamming twit throughout the rest of the book.
Somehow I always equate this book to this sitcom. 
How is It Cringe Worthy: The love interest name is Russell.  And the biggest attraction at the amusement park is pony rides.  Plus, Jackie thinking she has a chance with Russell when she’s like thirteen and he’s like eighteen is ridiculous.
Do I Still Want to Read It: Maybe.  Just because I remember it being so bad it held my attention for more than two minutes.

How it was Acquired: I either got this one at a garage sale or Half Priced books.

What is the Book about: This girl is pretending to be a boy because of the Civil War and meets this hot Yankee.  And somehow they fall in love and there’s a lot of other things that you’re like come on but get over becuase it’s a romance novel.  For some reason, I remember there being a murder mystery halfway through the book and the heroine gets kidnapped or something when she’s pregnant and they end up giving the kid a heinous name.

How is it Cringe Worthy: The names I remember were awful.  Also, I remember thinking a lot of the couple’s arguments were dumb like most arguments in romance novels.  Though they were hot together.

Do I still Want to Read It: Probably.  I remember really loving this one when I was eighteen.  And you sort of get an epic like feel from it even though it’s far from being an epic.

A better title would’ve been: How Not to Fuck up with the Cover Art People.

How it was Acquired: I was on a band trip.  I was bored.  We were at the mall.  I went to Books a Million while everyone else went to the AMC to watch the X-Men movie or to Saks.

What is the book About: A Hollywood has been goes to public school, acts like a twit, finds out her mother has a serious disease and then stars in a lot of PSAs instead of going all Amanda Bynes like  I thought she would (I mean, just look at the cover).

How is Cringe Worthy: Insufferable MC and a cover that makes Cosmo look dignified.  Plus, her mom is seriously ill and it’s still all about me up to the very, very end.

Do I Still Want to read It: No.  This is one of those books that needs to just go away.

How it was Acquired: A very sad day in 1L year when I went to the Books a Million to do some retail therapy and this one was recommended to me by either a very idiotic sales clerk or a charlatan.

What is this Book About: Um, Bethie stupid angel falls in love with a human.  I have griped constantly about this one, so I really don’t think I need to go into specific detail.

How is it Cringe Worthy: The whole book.

Do I Still Want to Read it: I need brain bleach just for even attempting to answer that question.  If anyone wants this book let me know I need to get rid of it.  I feel like it could potentially suck out my soul or at least half a dozen IQ points.

How it was Acquired: Half Price books, baby.   I used to collect this series way back when I was in high school and it was like twenty years old then.  What do I say, I’ve always had a thing for the 80’s.  And Frank and Nancy (here known as Francy).

What is this book About: Nancy and Bess go to Japan.  And as typically cliched as these books go, they find a mystery and the Hardy boys.  Highlights for Francy shippers includes Nancy passing out into Frank’s arms.  Though this doesn’t get near as awesome as Secrets of the Nile where they pretend to be married and Frank rescues Nancy from being stuffed inside a sarcophagus.

How is it Cringe Worthy: The dialogue in these books always sounds like it comes out of a hokey fifties TV show. And some of the outfits Bess wears…well, fashion intervention.

Do I still Want to Read it: Yes, because I’m a Francy shipper and I really like books that take place in Japan.

How it was Acquired: Book Stop after we ate Mexican food at that restaurant we no longer eat at because of the rats.  Funny thing is the Book Stop is no longer there either.  Anyway, my mom bought this one for me because she knew I liked Simon Pulse romances.  The cartoon drawing are eye catching though know squirm inducing since I have a phobia when it comes to the use of cartoons on covers.

What is the Book About: I don’t remember much, really.  Basically this idiot is obsessed with Greek mythology.  The gods who are living at a retirement home decide to answer her prayers (I have no reason why) and Cupid does some cross dressing.  That’s about it.

How is it Cringe Worthy: Cupid cross dressing and complaining about boobs.  It was bad.  Not funny at all.

Do I Still Want to Read It: No. I want to obliviate it.


Note: I can’t find the cover I had.
How it was Acquired: The sister’s book shelf.
What is the Book About:  A girl’s friend ditches her to be popular…groans.  But Jenny doesn’t want to join the popularity bandwagon yet.  Or does she?  It also includes people wearing frog costumes to biology, out of body experiences, and sausage dresses.
How is it Cringe Worthy: You have no idea.  Most of these popularity books make me squirm though.
Do I Still Want to Read It: I actually have read it very recently and it held up surprisingly enough.
How it was Acquired: I was forced to buy this one when we studied the Civil War back in 8th grade.  It was pre Amazon usage days for me,  so I probably go it at the Book Stop after we had  enchiladas.
What is this book About: A guy goes to war.  He eats grape cobbler.  And falls in love with a snooty Southern belle.
How was it Cringe Worthy: Not really cringe worthy.  More like I have to read this for school, so I’m not picking it up anymore because it lacked really good kissing scenes.
Do I Still Want to Read It: Maybe.  I think though I’ll just wrap it up and give it to my dad for Father’s Day since he likes this sort of book.  Though it lacks pictures and he likes having pictures in his books (sometimes I’m surprised we’re related).
Yeah, I own this infamous book.
How it got Acquired: I bought it off of Amazon right before they recalled it mainly because I thought it might be worth something later on for being a rare book.  Instead, I think it’s just viewed as the puerile garbage that it truly is.
What is the Book About: Nerd girl turns popular.  Of course ditches her friends and hot guy all while doing it.  With an Indian and Plagiarist twist  (FYI, my favorite part of reading this book is to spot how many quotes have been copied-you can only imagine the status updates if GR existed back then).
How was it Cringe Worthy: I wanna be popular plots are always cheesy.  But there was a late night I’m going to learn how to dance to Beyonce’s “Naughty Girl” that was particularly disturbing.
Do I still Want to Read it: Um, no.  No.  I don’t like plagiarists.  What I do wonder is how the Viswanthan situation would’ve been handled today?  I imagine that it would probably be the drama llama of the blog verse for multiple months on end.

2 thoughts on “Raiders of the Lost Bookshelves

  1. Not the same series per say as far as storylines are concerned, but it they both had the same artist do all the cover designs and published them in the same line which yes is called the Simon Romantic Comedies or Simon Pulse Romantic Comedies. I was addicted to them as a teen, but not so much now. Though some of them have held up, but definitely not Siren or Cupidity. Interesting fact, Toliver has another one published in this line called Miss Match. I only vaguely remember it, but it was slightly better than Siren if I recall.

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