Awesomely Lifetime: Lying to be Perfect

Melodramatic Summary: Nola is a mousy slightly chubby (though, in reality Lifetime just put Poppy Montgomery in very unflattering clothes)  copywriter by day and glamorous Belinda Apple by night.  No one every suspects Nola is Belinda because she has two cell phones.  One being Belinda’s, one being Nola’s.  Though honestly, you wonder why her bitchy boss never noticed that Belinda’s cellphone had a US area code.  Or for that matter what about the checks?  Surely, they had to notice that they were depositing two checks into Nola’s bank account.


Oh, boy.  This is one of those movies that in theory you should like but know you’re going to hate because Lifetime made it into a movie.

It’s based off a book.  Not a book I read, though I sort of want to read it but don’t because….well, I’m afraid it’s going to be like the movie.  Cliche and a self pity fest.

And that’s what I need right now: not.

Okay, the best thing about this movie was Poppy Montgomery.  Sure, I could hear her accent peak out occasionally, but that was alright.  She was likable and if she wasn’t then the movie really would’ve sucked.  Well, sucked more if it hadn’t been for her hot boyfriend.

I think what I disliked the most about this movie it was just so predictable.  And yes, I know it’s Lifetime and I know Lifetime is predictable by its general essence, but this is one of those movies that you just feel like you wasted an hour and a half of your life on and you’re just not going to get it back (thank God, I watched it at like two a.m. when I was trying to get to sleep). And when you really examine these characters problems, they’re just shallow.

Seriously, all the problems in this movie can be boiled down to two things a) being single and b) being average size (because as much as the movie script tries to tell us, Poppy Montgomery’s not fat even when she is wearing padding, she’s just wearing horrible pants).  I really hated this.  I really wish they got to the heart of the matter that it really doesn’t matter what size you are or if you have a guy in your life, you have to stand up for yourself and believe in yourself.  That’s what the real little life lesson that should’ve been highlighted in this movie.

Other than the female lead and the man candy, the other actors were just annoying.  Out of the two best friends only one was slightly tolerable the other was like a thirteen-year-old trapped in a thirty-five year olds body who decided to ditch her husband, after getting a lap band and lost forty pounds, who she has kids with just because she’s not feeling it with him anymore.  Grant it, Lifetime makes us try to feel like there’s emotional abuse of some sort, but we don’t actually see this and other than the fact that mopey best friend says she just settled for him there’s nothing really showing its that bad or a relationship.

It also doesn’t help that as soon as mopey best friend finds out Nola is Belinda she goes bat shit crazy.  At least bland lawyer friend acted logical about it.  Though, if she was an actual attorney she’d be up shit creek ethics wise.

Then there’s the boss, I complain about her later on in the Lifetime cliche part, but really?

I guess I shouldn’t have expected much though.  This is Lifetime which can be notorious for cliche plots.  But this is pretty epic.  Complete with gym and from hot to not montages.   I really think what it boils down to is that this could’ve been an okay movie.  Yes, it would’ve been predictable but with the smallest amount of originality it would’ve been okay.  And for the God of love hire a decent supporting cast.

Lifetime Squee: The guy who plays Chip/Alex is pretty hot.  Though he is a designated man-cessory.  Meaning, he’s the prize for our heroine for losing the bad fat suit that Lifetime forced her into and the bad pants.  Seriously, I wish this movie would’ve talked about the importance of styling.  And for that matter,  the message is sort of counteracted with how all this played out.  I wish it was emphasized that Alex and Nola would’ve gotten together even if she didn’t look like Poppy Montgomery.  Yes, I know this was about self improvement and all that shit.  But shouldn’t it have been more about being satisfied with who you are?  I get really aggravated in thinking about what sort of moral this movie is supposed to have.  So, I guess it was good there were a few shirtless Alex scenes to get my mind off of this.

OMG Lifetime Moment: Bitch boss.  It seems like Lifetime believes any woman of power is going to be a bitch.    And man, they really tried to make Nola’s boss as big as a bitch as they could possibly make her.  Seriously,  who tells their employee you’re just a big girl with big dreams before telling them that they’ll never get a promotion at their job because of their weight.  Can someone say call HR?  And I don’t know what the heck they were doing with her accessories.  Magazine editors know that extremely large hoop earrings probably are not proper office attire.

Overall Rating: I’m giving this one a five Dean Cains.  It’s beyond cliche and I often felt it was a pity party.  It did have its moments though.  And I liked the guy who played Chip/Alex.  But God, Nola’s friends especially the one who got the lap band ignored the heck out of me.  Plus, I really think those Weight Watcher ads that Jessica Simpson did were more entertaining than this movie.  And honestly, Poppy Montgomery’s character never really was that overweight to begin with.  It was more or less poor styling which seems a little insulting to me.


2 thoughts on “Awesomely Lifetime: Lying to be Perfect

  1. Yeah, boring is a good way to describe it. I wish I got still got Hallmark. Their movies are slightly above LIfetime in quality. Especially during the holidays.

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