Mini Reviews: The Cure for Insomnia Shitty Romances Part I

So, one of the things they don’t tell you when you’re studying for the bar ( a test that makes the N.E.W.T.s look extremely pleasant) is that you’re going to find yourself too tired to function but unable to fall asleep.

What to do when you’re in this situation?

Read a couple-okay a lot of shitty romance novels.  Or write a blog post if you find your fingers twitching like mine are tonight.

Okay, so not all of these books are bad.  Some of them are alright.  But they’re romance novels and well….I’m going to do a brief review on each of these books I read in the past few weeks at two in the morning since Lifetime Movie Network is only airing movies about seventeen year old girls who do stupid things that don’t include dating a vampire.

Is that James Scott?

The Deal: This TSTL girl marries this rich guy.  And leaves him when she finds out that he’s still contacting his former mistress like any sensible person would do.  Of course, he claims its a big misunderstanding.  Even though anyone with half a brain knows better.

Mini-Review:  Ugh.  Just ugh.  This book made the heroine seem like she was jealous and stupid even though she had every right to be upset with her hubby.  And I really hated her too.  She was just so stupid.  I think a lot of people might blame its faults on the Harlequin structure.  You’re only getting a hundred and eighty pages of story-one of the reasons I bought it since I know I could finish it in one sleepless night.  But seriously, short doesn’t mean cutting corners.  Good writers will know how to convey chemistry and story between two characters no matter what the page count.

Rating: I want my Dollar Back

The Deal: Your typical secret baby storyline.  Which makes no sense whatsoever because you’d think these two good friends of our hero would grow a pair and realize how horrible they are.  But it’s not until one of the good friends is dead and that his widow decides to spill the beans.

Mini-Review: An somewhat enjoyable (if very predictable) romp.  I’ve read worse.  But it’s really not worth anything.  I really hate romance novels that take place in Texas.  I think it’s because they always pretend Texas is like the Australian Outback or whatever minus the Kangaroos.  Or maybe I thought that because they described the hero looking like Hugh Jackman (mmmm, Hugh Jackman).

Verdict: It was worth it’s two bucks.  Kept my mind off of things.  And Hugh Jackman look alikes are always wanted.

I thought this guy was on a soap opera.  The main reason I bought this  besides the fact it was dirt cheap.

The Deal: This billionaire (yes, he’s a billionaire but we’re never told how he got his fortune or if he goes crime fighting at night like Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark) stays at this ghetto B&B that our obnoxious heroine who’s a quasi baby killer owns.  The deal is he’s there because the fertility clinic messed up and the woman’s son is really his.

Review:  OOOH, I’m almost tempted to write a full blown review on this POS.  It’s terrible.  The characters lack chemistry and we get a real awkward sex scene that you can tell Lindsay thinks is hot.  Our characters are both asshole’s too.  Though the baby momma, er…surrogate, is slightly more intolerable.  Since she is a quasi baby killer.  Long story short, she lived in an abandoned house with a lot of other drug addicts and passed out while some other couple’s child croaked in front of her.  The guy’s not that much better, he’s a major douche with thinking the kid automatically belongs to him because he has his blood.  But considering the fact the kid’s so young and isn’t cognitively aware yet I can throw him a bone.  While his insta wife…not so much.

Verdit: Ugh.  Just ugh.

The Deal: Are obnoxious heroine is baby cray cray.  And gets this boneheaded idea she needs an idiot for a sperm donor, so she pretends to be a hooker and seduces him (twice) before getting knocked up.  He of course finds out and gets all he man on her.  Before they go down to his home down South.  Where all the cliches are used to the fullest.

Mini Review: It’s alright.  Once you get past its ridiculous plot (seriously, a physicist pretending to be a hooker) it’s pretty boring.  I thought Cal’s family was a bit offensive, but whatever.  It worked.  The romance was your typical asshole gets with slightly obnoxious woman.  Though I hated the whole idea that Cal thought he had a right to sleep with Jane just because they were married when the marriage was supposed to be a marriage of convenience of sorts.

Verdict: It was worth the two bucks.  I wouldn’t read it again.  But I don’t regret reading this one, per say.  I might check out more of Phillips’s work.  Or I might not.  Sort of on the fence about that.

The Deal: Sean doesn’t want a sexy secretary because they all want him to marry them (me thinks he’s really afraid about getting slapped with a lawsuit), so Allie dresses like she’s Agnes Gooch and they actually have a fairly decent relationship that I could get behind…until he finds out that she’s hot and shallow city here we come.

Mini Review: Honestly, if the reveal and post reveal would’ve been handled better this could’ve been fairly decent.  That being said, those two things made Sean look like a possessive jerk.  I wish he would’ve loved Allie before she showed her true colors.  And for that matter, I didn’t get why he couldn’t see past the disguise?  Was he that stupid.  The ending seemed like the author was under a deadline and just threw something together.

Verdict: Buy it for the first half.  Roll your eyes at the second.

Well, that’s it for part one of these mini-reviews.  Part two such literary classics that include:

*A woman who’s Ralph Fiennes look a like husband pays her negotiates their marriage of convenience

to have sex with her.  And buys her diamonds and talk to her about emotional shit.  And she still doesn’t think he loves her.

*A prince who ditches his girlfriend because she can’t get preggers.

*Another secret baby plot that gets even more unoriginal that it’s original.


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