Whatever Happened To……

Welcome to a new feature where I predict what happens to some of are “favorite” YA and NA characters after their respected series end or if their series  still continuing after the latest crappy installment.  Note, I don’t own any of these books.  Some of them I would really be ashamed if I did own them.  I’m merely doing this for laughs and I needed to write something for this blog other than a book review for a change.  While this is purely my imagination I think it’s relevant to blog because I think a lot people wonder how these characters manage to survive the real world after their respected series end.  As you can see from many of my predictions a lot of them don’t.

1) Bethany Church (The Halo Trilogy by Alexandra Adornetto):

The Last Time We Saw Bethany:

She was living in utter YA bliss with Huggie Bear.  Despite the fact that God disapproves of their relationship and she essentially destroyed a part of herself to be with the Huggles.

What Happened:

While Xavier went to me school-because there was this huge time skip where he went from undergrad to med student in the last book (don’t ask)-Bethie tries to go back to school at the local community college.  After a semester of majoring in art therapy, she drops out when she finds out she’s pregnant.  Unfortunately, the pregnancy was not without complications since despite the fact she’s wingless Bethie still has angel DNA and the kid is a Nephilim.  When baby Xavier Woods II is born the apocalypse begins and Venus Cove is the first place to go.  Baby X decides to destroy his parents and Venus Cove but pretty much leaves the rest of the world alone because he’d rather sip back margaritas on the beach than do the whole destroy the world thing.  He has also legally changed his name so he no longer has to associate himself with Bethany and Xavier and now plays golf on a regular basis with “evil” CEOs.

 To get drunk with Warren Buffett or to end the world…Baby X asked himself that question lots.

As for Gabriel and Ivy.  Ivy died with every other boring person in Venus Cove.  And Gabriel finally decided to screw the angel gig and get with the only semi decent character in the book, Molly.  Molly, however, didn’t accept Gabe right away.  It was only after six months of semi stalking, Bethany bashing, chocolate sending, and wooing that Gabriel was able to get in her good graces.  Currently, they are living in sin in a loft in Greenwitch Village where Gabriel operates a small karaoke bar that is frequented by “undesirables” and  Molly has a successful career of writing self help books about how to survive having asshole friends and become self actualized.

2) Schuyler Van Alen, Bliss Llewellyn, Mimi Force (Blue Bloods by Melissa de la Cruz)

The Last Time We Saw These Ladies:

Each were getting their own HEA.  Some more cheesy than others.  Though Bliss really got the sour end of the stick.  Ew!  Lawson and grief sex.

What Happened:

Schuyler and Jack had three kids and decided to move to Prague where Schuyler works at art restoration.  Jack had a hard time figuring out what he wanted to do with his life and ended up having an online travel vlog  that has since spawned his own show on the Travel Chanel that people mainly watch because Jack remains shirtless throughout half of the show.  He is known as the guy with the abs much to Schuyler’s chagrin.  Luckily for us, when Jack and Sky are together they act like normal people now and instead of calling each other “my love” they refer to each other by their respected names.

Mimi and Kingsley ended up living in hell part time and the other half of their time in Paris.  In her spare time, Mimi designs shoes that look great but cause plenty of people to have to get surgery after wearing them.  Kingsley’s satisfied with being the duke of hell, but indulges in the occasional chocolate croissant. They also adopted another Chow who Mimi has ironically named Duchess.

As for Bliss and Lawson, grief sex will only get you so far even if you can travel to any time you want in history.  After parting on good terms, Bliss went back to the present got a degree and lived out a fairly boring life in Houston with her quasi sister, Jordan/Jane Murray.  She owns a cat.  A cute fluffy cat who has quite the internet following.

3) Zoey Redbird (The House of Nigh PC and Kristin Cast)

The Last Time We (or should I say I) saw Zoey:

I know I haven’t finished this series yet and that it’s still being published, but I feel like I have to address this one.  And considering nothing has happened in the past three installments that I read I think I can adequately predict her future. Anyway, the last book I read was Burned where nothing happened except Zoey rejoined the world of the living.

What Happened:

Zoey somehow managed to make the change.  Obviously, no one except for me was surprised.  She becomes a high priestess and moves to one of those places that doesn’t care if you have thirty-six husbands mainly because no one freaking lives there  and no one wants to live there  She is a high priestess and is wonderful according to every person she knows.  She ends up thinking of herself as a goddess and somehow starts believing she’s Nyx.   This goes over unbelievably well in the vampyre community.  She also then gets her own successful show on TLC called Goddess and Company.  Which rates only second to Honey Boo Boo: The Teenage Years.  

As for Stevie Rae, Aphrodite, and the rest of Zoey’s forgettable friends.  Most of them have joined Zoey’s cult.  However, both Stevie Rae and Aphrodite had tried and have succeeded with mix results ot life outside of Zoey.  While Stevie Rae unsuccessfully tried to bring back stirrup jeans back into style,  Aphrodite has actually done quite well for herself once her parents sent her to a rehab center in New Hampshire to deprogram her from all things Zoey.  Currently, she is working as a psychic for the FBI and is interested in her hunky handler. A walking cliche, yes.  But Aphrodite is a happy walking cliche with some man candy.

4) Nora Gray (The Hush Hush Saga Becca Fitzpatrick):

The Last Time We Saw Nora:

She and Patch were living HEA at stupid Vee’s wedding.  How did Vee even get married?  I feel sorry for the sap who had to get married to her?  We know that Nora can live forever but we don’t know if she’ll age…well, we’re about to find out.

What Happened:

Nora aged-naturally and becomes obsessed with plastic surgery.  Even though she’s not that old yet and the aging process could very well stop, Patch was not happy with the plastic surgery bills and has found himself a new young thang to bring to his hideaway  Nora is not amused and has kicked him to the curb and is now engaged to her plastic surgeon.  As for Patch, eventually enough evidence was found that he killed two hundred or so people and he’s now in prison.

Vee and whoever the hell he was broke up too.  She had a kid who’s even more annoying than she is-think Michelle Tanner level of annoying.  To support her annoying brat she works for a local Denny’s and gets hardly any tips because she’s annoying and no one wants to order the Grand Slam when she’s around.

5) Lilly Sanderson(Forgive My Fins Tera Lynn Childs):

The Last Time We Saw Lilly:

She somehow got her HEA for the third time and Quince was still awesome, though definitely naive for thinking he didn’t need an associates in today’s world.

What Happened:

After doing  some dubious summer jobs at the beach and after the local lumber yard factory is hit by the recession, these two love birds realize that they need to attend college if they want to make it on land.  Lilly also realizes that the underwater world is made mostly of functional illiterates so she decides that maybe a education with a focus on biology might be the way for her to go.  Eventually, both of them decide to move to the sea where they opened up the first mer school.  Lily has also published a picture book for mer children that is filled with sea puns.  Quince couldn’t be prouder and is still awesome.

If you have any nominees for round two let me know.

4 thoughts on “Whatever Happened To……

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