From the Ghettos to the Grand: Jaclin Calvert

Occasionally I get bored and want something cheap to read.  Which is usually when I get myself into trouble by going to the Kindle store and downloading something under three dollars that usually reads like it’s under three dollars

By far, Ghettos to the Grand is probably the worst Kindle cheap read I’ve read.

Oh man.

It makes that Jamie Baker book where we’re told she’s a super hero five thousand times look wonderful.  The book about the amnesiac prince look intelligent.

To say this one is a stinker is putting it mild.

I’ll be honest when I say this is the first book I ever demanded a refund from Amazon.  Mainly because of the way it’s written.  It reads like fan fiction.  Bad fan fiction.  Honestly, I was pretty sure at one point that it had to be P2P Twilight mush because the plot was the typical Princess Bella filth you see on sites such as  You know, when some ill informed teenage girl who didn’t pay attention in their World Civ courses thinks princesses act just like they do in Disney movies and that Europe is like five hundred years back like you see at the Renaissance Festival.  And there are kings and princesses and everyone courtesies  and all that good stuff.

But since I’m in no mood to play the role of Veronica Mars today I did not find such proof.  Blame the fact that I have a horrible migraine and have been seeing green spots throughout most of the day.

I did Google it though and it originated on Wattpad and Fiction Press and then I guess the author decided she wanted people to pay for the book and put it on Amazon.  It was ninety-nine cents so it wasn’t that horrible of an investment, but I still returned it.  And I will say this, this is the first Kindle book I’ve ever returned and hope its the last. I didn’t even return The Prince with Amnesia and that one was bad.

What’s so bad about this one that makes it offensive besides the fat it reads like P2P bad fanfiction.  The characters are stale immature and the writing.  Oh God, the writing.

I know not everyone is perfect but there were some errors in here that just made me roll my eyes.  And we’re not just talking about basic grammar.  I could take quotes out and point the various punctuation errors and usage errors but I have a migraine because of this book and I really don’t feel like doing work that the author should’ve done or have hired a copy editor to do before she published this. It’s not my job to notice this shit.  Spotting errors on my Kindle just makes me mad.  Its not like its even the occasional error or two, they were rampant.

It also didn’t help that the author’s voice was stilted.  I’m not a huge person of third person but it can be done well if in the right hands.  Calvert does not seem to have enough maturity to be able to write decent third person.  I didn’t feel the characters.  In fact, I thought the third person made them feel ever faker than they really were.

Let’s talk about our main characters shall we.  We have Lexi who’s described looking like a short supermodel.  Yes, she has a supermodel figure because she can’t eat because of her abusive relatives.  Rolls eyes.  You’d think CPS would get involved with her walking around stealing hotdogs and her only attending classes whenever she wants.  But you know what, I’m not one to judge.

Then we have the prince whose name is Blake.  A pretty generic American name despite the fact that he lives in a European country where they act like its the Renaissance Festival every single day of the week.  What do you need to know about Blake, Lexi calls him a pervert when she first meets him and he’s hot despite the fact he acts like a four-year-old about eighty percent of the time.

Oh, and these two are apparently betrothed otherwise good old Lexi is going to lose her Mr. Deeds inheritance.

You can’t make up this sort of shit.

The blurb of the book is probably what it has going for it the most.  I thought I was going to get a cute Meg Cabot-y type of story a la Princess Diaries.  Didn’t happen.  Instead I got Princess Bella.

The lack of logic and general research that went on with this book was also pretty laughable.  Oh, and there’s slut slamming galore.

Here’s the very first line of the book:

” ‘Don’t you dare walk past that door you little slut.’  Uncle Matt was in another one of his drunken rampages.” (Calvart 1)

I copied paste that so the grammatical errors you see in that sentence are Calvart’s.  That’s what you’re greeted with as your opening line.  The slut slamming’s an added touch.

More than likely Calvart is probably fairly young.  And I often feel bad of ripping into books by young authors, but this is not ready for prime time.  The fact that I returned that says everything.  I think had the book stuck more to the blurb it could’ve been interesting.  Instead, it was the biggest waste of ninety-nine cents I’ve ever spent.  And I’m still wondering was this P2P at one point before it went to fiction press and Wattpad before hitting Amazon.

Honestly, this one confounds me.  Almost as much as its sequel which plot, well, I’m almost tempted to review it when it does reach prime time because seriously WTF?  How can you make your kid lie about their gender their entire life that is some warped child abuse, man.  Besides, wouldn’t you sort of be able to tell…never mind.  Not going there.

Overall Review: Um, no stars.


One thought on “From the Ghettos to the Grand: Jaclin Calvert

  1. Pingback: Definitely a Swan Song:Feather Bound by Sarah Roughley | Howdy YAL!

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