The Unofficial House of Night Drinking Game: Hidden by PC and Kristin Cast

Dear Casts,

It’s MJ.  You know that blogger who’s torturing reading all of of your released books and trying hard not to kill herself because of it.

Well, I finally finished.  Sort of.

I still have to read the little novellas you try to stuff down your readers throats.  But I’ve made it through ten books.  And I thought I’d tell you a little bit of my thoughts of the overall series and Hidden because I forced myself to read these books and I feel like you need to listen to my grievances.

Okay, I doubt you’ll actually read this.  And it’s probably better for your mental health and mine if you don’t since this is going to be a bit of a rant.  But writing this will hopefully make me feel better and want to pick up something to drink.  Because these books have made me stop drinking in fear of my liver.

And I view my liver as a very special thing, thank you very much.  Which is why throughout most of this drinking game I have been drinking purely tea-tonight’s beverage Hot Chili Truffle.

Besides, there are much better things to drink to like how many times the word baby is said in an episode of General Hospital–you’d be amazed.

So why am I writing to you?

Well, for one thing save for the half books this is the last time I’ll ever be reviewing a House of Night book by you two.  And I just want to say.  Thank you for scarring me for the rest of my life.  And oh, Heath, well, he’s going to happen about how fetch is going to happen.

 
Yes, Heath is not going to happen with anyone who’s not TSTL.  No matter how many times you try to force him down your audience’s throats.  No matter how many times you tell us that Prince Eric is bad now when we all know that Heath is the real douche-King Douche of the series.  And I don’t even know what Stark is supposed to be at this point other than another Zoey lapdog.  You two got over your crush on Robert Downey JR.?
Pity.
Though RDJ is probably relieved.
I know I am for him.
I’m not surprised you gave up on Ironman. Mainly because you give up on all your characters except your precious Zoey who I’m pretty sure probably rates in the top ten list of worst characters ever created to mankind. I seriously wonder sometimes if she’s really Ebony Darkness Raven Way.
You probably don’t recognize that reference or maybe you do. All I have to say is Google My Immortal.  I hope it doesn’t give you any bad memories.  Actually, you’d probably think that fan fic was the greatest thing ever since sliced bread.
Both you and Tara do like your Count Chocola.
Back to Heath, not going to happen.
I don’t know what your fascination with this character is and why you had to rename him after some electronics company.  Really, Aurox?  What sort of name is that supposed to be?  And don’t give me that bullshit excuse about how you need a unique name.  You’re not a celebrity, despite what you might think.  Only celebrities are allowed to name their kids bizarre things like Apple or North West. You need proof of that.  A judge made these idiots who named their kid Messiah (God, feel for that poor kid) change his name.  I’m guessing probably because neither parents have a reality show or a fashion line at K-Mart.
Yes, get yourself a fashion line at K-Mart then we’ll talk about naming characters after electronics company/dish soap.
And I really never get the appeal of Heath in the first place?  Why was he so great?  Prince Eric had more screen time and seemed less of an asshole in the first four books.  And you probably think I’m a die hard Prince Eric fan and that you’re throwing me a bone for obviously pairing him with the used to be blind girl who now has the special power of seeing auras, but you’re not.  You’re making it seem like Prince Eric was an ass.  He wasn’t an ass.  Zoey and Heath were the asses.
Wait!
Wait!
Wait!
 
I think I got it.
You want Zoey with Heath because they’re both supreme assholes.
That makes sense.  But why complicate things with the whole I’m a monster storyline?  Seriously, All My Children did that a few years ago with Ryan and Greenlee ( a hated couple because Greenlee was only decent with Josh Duhamel’s character, Leo, and Ryan was a complete turd kind of like Travis Maddox, a la Beautiful Disaster).  I guess you sort of needed a plot since there’s only so many times Neferet can hide her evilness and Grandma Redbird can be kidnapped.
At least you stopped with trying to hide the fact that Neferet is an evil bitch this time around.  I really don’t see why anyone didn’t notice she was an evil bitch before but I’m sure I just nodded off during that plot.
As for Grandma Redbird.  Can you just kill her already?  Please.  She’s one death I actually want.  You have so many characters that die in here that I forget about or that you make undead-please, rekill Heath or as he’s known as know as a hybrid name between dishwasher soap and electronics.  But you never kill characters that deserve to die like Grandma Redbird.
I mean lavender chocolate chip cookies-nasty.  Okay, maybe they are good.  But I really don’t think this flavor combo would work together.
Anyway, I’m going to go now.  I need to regroup and try to will myself to make it through the half books.  But I wish you the best of luck on the next two books.  I think you’ll be okay though.  You seem to have the Captain Planet ending part down down perfectly.  And I think that you can make two more books mostly idle conversation because you’ve done it for the about eight out of the twelve books. Seriously, at this point I just wonder how much time has passed.
Ah Hell (Get the inside joke!),
MJ
P.S. I’m betting you  that Ironman gets his butt kicked to the curb for the electronic company/dish soap version of Heath.  Zoey turns into Captain Planet after almost dying due to the power of love/her friends will or some shit like that and kicks Neferet’s butt to Hades.  Grandma Redbird continues to make a mockery out of the Cherokee tribe.  And more insignificant characters die.  If anyone from the actual cast dies it will probably be Aphrodite or Prince Eric or maybe Ironman so that his precious Zoey can be with her one true wuv.
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