It’s back to school time and it’s almost a new month which means it’s time for another Judge A Book by Its Cover. The first on the new site.
And what better theme to use than book covers where the cover model would undoubtedly get detention based on the way they are dressed.
What the Cover Says: He didn’t get a shirt at Wal-Mart and he blew up the world. A cautionary tale about how not wearing a shirt can destroy a whole town.
What the Book is Really About: It’s the fourth book in the awesome Lux series. Which is about a human dating an alien who is not furry like Jeff Goldblum.
Verdict: He’s not getting into school unless he zips that jacket off. And what’s with the whole disaster movie background? Is this Daemon takes on the Earth? Is this a Marvel crossover? Are the Avengers or the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. going to reign down on the town he’s destroyed? And why doesn’t he just zip up his coat? He has to be cold he’s wearing outerwear. But man, nice six pack.
What the Cover Says:Britney Spears had another little sister. This one the media did not know about and Britney herself didn’t know about. At least that’s what Addy Burns tells herself. Hey, you sometimes have to believe in a fantasy to be able to tolerate life. And Addy believes she has just what it takes to be a pop princess. Well, that’s better than believing she’s a giant loser who just failed this week’s Geometry class. Seriously, what’s a girl to do when the only thing she has going in her life is a Youtube video that her ex-best friend took of her yelling at the lunch lady for not putting an adequate amount of Reddi Whip on the carmel pecan pie? A video, that’s pretty embarassing since everyone knows her as Pie Girl. But Pie Girl, Addy tells herself, will be her ticket into the music industry. Even though, she’s told she sings half a step flat. But that’s what auto-tune is for.
What the Book is Really About: Shiraz is from working class Britain and is often called a Chav-not a nice name if you’re wondering. Think Princess Diaries but instead of living the high life living the low life.
Verdict: Sigh…comic relief will only sell so many copies before things just get stupid. What’s really sad is that this is a fairly decent book and I feel like the cover detracts from it. What’s really sad is if it wasn’t for the midriff and the hat, you could probably get away with wearing that in a public school.
What the Cover Says: Strike a pose. That’s what they always say. However, striking a pose is the last thing Jenna Arbuckle wants to do. She wants to get away from the fame that is Hollywood that caused her mother to go into rehab fifty-four times-not counting that one time she went to find inner peace in the Himalayans in her fifteen years (the one time rehab actually worked). But if Jenna’s mom has anything to say about it, Jenna will be helping her recuperate her film career by playing a younger version of mother in her mother’s LMN autobiop. But the last thing Jenna wants to do is pretend to be her mother partying with Lindsay Lohan, eating a live fish at the VMA’s, or dancing in that ridiculous outfit made out of cotton balls. Kids try to forget the shit their parents do. And it’s hard enough already with US Weekly reporting on her mother’s weekly shenanigans-last week it was all about how her mother had bought six hundred dollars worth of designer toilet paper from Sweden. But since her family’s livelihood depends on it…
What the Book is Really About: A girl looks almost identical to her celebrity half sister (who has no idea of her existence) and she moves to Hollywood to be her double. And meets her Jack Wagne
r like father.
Verdict: It works. I really wish the cover model they would’ve used would’ve been Latina since the MC is half Latina, but in an industry full of white washing you just get a Tori Spelling look alike on the cover. Incidentally, Tori Spelling has starred in a lot of Lifetime movies. The dress, obviously, would not be school appropriate unless its the Velvet Jones School of Technology
What the Cover Says: Jack has always been the smallest kid in his class and he hates it. Because, hello, no one will date a short guy unless they’re Michael J Fox or Tom Cruise. Well, everyone thinks Tom Cruise is tall, so only really Michael J Fox and St. Clair from Anna and the French Kiss . Jack is not Michael J Fox. He doesn’t have a Delorean. He’s more like Danny Divoto but without the male pattern baldness and a couple of inches shorter. And his voice isn’t as annoying. Still, he’d do anything to be taller. Hence, he takes some growth steroids that The Wizard (the school’s designated science freak and he guesses drug dealer) sells him. Because that’s just soooooo smart. Turns out The Wizard is actually a real witch, the potion makes Jack grow alright. Like sixty feet and now he must get Ms. Dungeons and Dragons who’s laughing her ass off at him to turn him back to normal size. He would choke her, but she’s a wizard and she claims that she has a death ray in her basement. One thing Giant Jack has learned, you never mess with nerds. And the Wizard, Lucy, actually does have a death ray in her basement. Well, a replica of one.
What the Book is Really About: Well, after seeing the movie I don’t know what this book is supposed to be about. Jace is a shadowhunter, Clary is a wannabe Batman, and Simon’s just Simon. That’s pretty much all there is to it.
Verdict: T-shirt and a hair cut, obviously before Jace would be allowed in school. As for the actual cover. It sold lots of books. I’m not a huge fan though. Jace just seems to overly built to me and something about having man boobs being the center part of the cover means I can’t take this book out in public.
What the Cover Says: Celia Haus lost her Bichon Frise, Francey, and is in a desperate search to find her in her even if that means going without her usual frappachino and bagel. She’s so frazzled that she’s even wearing her pajamas in So Ho. Fashion Intervention is about to occur.
What the Book is Really About: A wannabe Nancy Drew series. Lola is the anti-Nancy. Meaning, not wholesome, lovable, and more concerned about herself than River Heights. If Chief McGinnis needs any help, Lola is not the one to call.
Verdict: You can’t wear pajamas to school unless it’s like Spirit Week or something. As for a cover, it’s too literal. And I really, really, really, hated the cartoon phase. Note to self, if the long shot chance I ever I get published unless it’s an actual comic book artist drawing the cartoon do not agree to cartoon cover.