Runes: Ednah Walters

Welcome to an episode of book diagnosis with the help of a slightly modified version of the scientific method, I….Dr. MJ* will diagnosis what the fuck is wrong with Runes.

Question: What the fuck is wrong with Runes?  The summary seems pretty good.  Norse gods and YA.  Whatever can go wrong with that….okay, I know a lot.  But Norse gods.  That’s pretty bad ass for the most part (at least when Tom Hiddleston and Christ Hemsworth are involved).

Research:  Consisted of reading a good portion of Ruins, being exposed to some shiteous YA books, looking at other reviews to see what worked for other readers and what caused them to vomit, and just coming up with my own opinions.  Oh, also watching Thor a couple of times too.  

Hypothesis: Runes is shiteous because that cover.  Seriously, look at it.  That girl almost looks like a doll with the amount of makeup they plastered on her face.  And if she’s supposed to be a Norse goddess shouldn’t she be like..pale?  And what’s with the stupid tattoos.  Why does YA have a fascination with stupid tattoos?

Experiment: Read book.  Try to rationalize book during brief spurts of hissy fits which cause dog that is pretending to be reader’s nurse during their illness to give them death looks.  Continue reading.  Have reader vomit not because of flu or cover of said book but contents of book.  Keep reading until reader wants their money back and hits the return button from Kindle only to find some other cheap book they want.  Then reader (Dr. MJ) tries to write up a somewhat coherent analysis.   Note during reader make notes of what cliches are used, poor writing techniques, and general crimes against humanity.  The more tally marks that reader makes the lower rating book gets and it can help determine what final diagnosis to make.

I know, I wasn’t impressed either, Patty.

Analysis:

Honestly, the biggest thing that stuck out to me was that I had seen this before.  And in a lot of ways it reminded me of a shitty parody that I recently read (Awoken).

Yeah, it reminded me of a not so funny YA paranormal parody.  That’s never a good thing.

This book is so formulaic it made me want to puke.

I’ve said that a lot in my review.  It might be because I’m actually sick today, but really this book sort of made whatever I’m suffering from right now even worse.  I got so upset that I ended up returning it.  I’ve only done it once before,  but I serious did not want to pay to read Twilight!  Norse version.

Because that’s what this book is with a few alterations.

Coming to a Twi-like diagnosis is sort of easy.  I’ll just number them out for you right now.

1) Ordinary girl heroine where ordinary should be replaced with annoying.

2) Girl lives in a non-traditional family with incompetent adult who is more interested in their self than their kids.

3) Heroine  lives in a small town.  Extra points if it’s in the Pacific Northwest.

4) There’s two boys.  One who’s dark and mysterious the other a childhood friend.

5) Google is used a research tool since there are no Halliwells or Winchesters present to help figure out what’s going on.

6) Boy will sort of allude to what he is our genius of a main character won’t figure it out until it’s basically has to spell it out for her.

7) Huge info dumps will occur followed by insta love.

Of course there’s more than just this, but I stopped reading after that point.  I’m just sick of Twilight ripoffs.  I really hated how Runes tried to give the reader these huge winks that it was in the same vein as Twilight.

I kid you not.

There were these parts of the book where Walters basically states that its a Twilight ripoff.  The main character, Raine, basically as the Edward wannabe if he’s a vampire.

You know what’s sad I just read this book like thirty minutes ago and am already forgetting the characters names….

But I digress.  Yes, there are nods like that to the Twilight Saga.  And with all these other things, I was just rolling my eyes at the end of it.

The sad thing is, you’d think this book would be pretty original.  It involves Norse mythology which while is sort of a huge trend in YA recently it hasn’t been as exposed as Greek mythology.  But of course we have to follow the Twilight Saga.

I really don’t get it.

Here’s the thing, I don’t outright hate Twilight.  Oh, I get annoyed with Twilight.  And I hate the book where Jacob becomes a creepy pervert and Edward tells him to go have puppies with Bella, but it’s not a full blown hatred.  What I hate about Twilight is that every genius in YA fiction has decided that if they want to write a paranormal YA book they have to stick to the Twilight formula.

Don’t.

Just don’t.

It ruins what would otherwise be a decent story.  Take this book, if it would’ve deviated a little bit from the formula it might’ve been okay.  But I was yawning throughout the entire thing that I just gave up.

Okay, it was horribly written.  The world building really made no sense and the characterization was pretty awful.  But still if it didn’t follow the Twilight formula, I might’ve just might’ve been able to finish it.

Conclusion: This book suffers from Twilight syndrome.  Sad to say it’s terminal.  I, Dr. MJ, could not finish it.  And you probably won’t either if you have any sense or  would rather watch Thor.  

*Obviously, I’m not a real doctor.

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