I think I have sort of a love hate relationship with this show. It has some really good attributes, but at the same time….man, it reeks of trying to cash on on the very dead show named Charmed. Hopefully, it will deviate from this formula as the show goes on, but right now all I can think of isCharmed, Charmed, Charmed.
So what happened this week?
Well, last week’s episode ended with a cliff hanger where Freya gets trapped into a painting a la Piper and Phoebe from that one episode of Charmed, poor Julia Ormond is arrested by Not Andy (Adam Noble), and Ingrid is told she’s a witch by Not Grams (Aunt Wendy).
This week’s episode pretty much starts out with Ingrid freaking out about being a witch. In a very Lifetime type of way might I add. I really don’t get it Lifetime. Why is it you try to make an woman with a smidgen of intelligence insecure? Or as you probably like to call it Lifetime quirky. Can’t she just be satisfied with being herself? And yes, this is a TV show and yes I know we have to have time to evolve these characters. But Ingrid is just sad in that turquoise cardigan of hers that she never changes and never remotely seems to get dirty despite the fact she was digging in a cemetery (twice) this episode.
Anyway, she freaks out in her relatively clean cardigan for a good thirty minutes or so in the episode. Aunt Wendy sort of helps out, but part of her curse turns into a cat. However, unlike other cats in TV shows that involve witches she can’t talk and is sort of useless.
Too bad, I could use another Salem the Cat.
Anyways, Joanna is getting booked in jail by Not Andy (better known as the character formerly known as Matt if you read the books). This is pretty standard Law and Order, but Joanna knows a hot lawyer dude who is able to get bail for her in night court. Though she’s upset because it’s one million dollars. Actually, that’s pretty standard for a murder charge and she only has to really pay $100K to the bailsman, but that’s besides the point. We know eventually she’ll be able to pay it because hello she lives in Halliwell manor and if you live in Halliwell Manor you obviously have some equity.
So, essentially Joanna is sitting on jail wondering how she went from smooching the likes of Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt to having two fully grown daughters one who happens to be married to Channing Tatum of Magic Mike fame for a good half hour or so.
Speaking of Magic Mike, we cut to the men in this show who all seem to be salivating over Freya. Despite the fact that Ingrid doesn’t look that bad in her pencil skirt and cardigan they all go to Freya because she is wearing something that resembles Spanx with a little lace. Lifetime tries to give us some brotherly bonding scenes here…but really we just get some nice shots of the guys arms. At this point, they’re ready to go back to that painting in which the Red Skull Wannabe has been tormenting Freya for the past half hour by setting the painting on fire.
Somehow, she gets out without Captain America’s help and lands in the bathroom of the bar even though she should’ve burnt to a crisp because that painting had been burning for a long time (twenty minutes minus DVR time).
Instead of spraying herself down with Lysol like a sensible person would after landing on the bathroom floor, Freya instead goes outside to flirt talk with Kilian who is doing his best Ian Somerhalder. They talk about nothing for a few minutes until Ingrid decides to interrupt the party.
Freya is pissed.
Obviously. I would be too if someone was given me the Somerhalder eye and then my Lifetime cliche of a Prue Halliewell sister decided to interrupt.
However, annoyed as she is, she goes with Ingrid finds out her mother is being held in jail for murder and that she’s a witch.
She throws a bitch fest about being lied to all her life. And honestly, I was rolling my eyes till I heard that Joanna forced her to go therapy when hello….she knew she was an actual witch.
Seriously, child abuse much?
However, Aunt Wendy decides to change back to a human at this point and tells them they need to dig up Aunt Marilyn-which is really just a coffin filled with cash-so that they can bail out Joanna.
Really, like the cops won’t be raising some eyebrows when they bring 100K worth of Ben Franklins to the police station?
Not to mention why not just invest in a Swiss bank account Joanna it would be so much more convenient.
Regardless of logic, they get Jo out of jail and Freya goes all Piper on her mother yelling at her about not telling the truth before. Since I’ve seen this plot device on several seasons ofCharmed I decided to eat some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups at this point. Somehow they get the painting and decide that it would be best to destroy it by burying it. Because unlike burning the painting, burying it in the soft moist dirt in the cemetary isn’t going to cause the painting and therefore it’s occupants to be destroyed….
Luckily, Dash decided to visit Freya during all this and we got to see them make out. The actor really does have soap opera actor skills. Pretty to look at, but really not that great of an actor. Channing’s wife deserves….well, Channing or Ian Somerhalder wannabe who can at least give off brooding looks.
The episode ends with zombie Joanna doing something that’s not good.
Overall, this episode to me was a little lackluster. I still enjoyed it, but I feel like this show is going too cliche in some routes. At the same time, I am enjoying it. That seems so odd for me to say that. Maybe it’s because Lifetime knows how to do male bonding scenes-or at least knows how to show arm muscles in a way that gets this viewer mildly interested. That being said, I really find the mix of Lifetime and Charmed odd, and there hasn’t been one mention of the Norse mythology which were the witches origins in the books. Maybe that is a good thing, in part. I really don’t want to see Freddie-one of the dumbest characters to exist in fiction. And I am wondering how Dash can actually be Loki when he can barely emote any emotion. Then again, when you have Tom Hiddelston to compete with you’re sort of doomed from the get go. Either way, I’ll be watching and be live tweeting* next week.