Do Judge a Book by Its Cover: Turkeys

Interesting Trivia: Benjamin Franklin originally wanted the United States national bird to be a turkey.  Of course, the turkey he was talking about was the wild turkey and not the omnibus birds that millions of Americans slay in November and usually have no idea to cook unless they’re Alton Brown.
I thought it would be fitting this month to do a feature on covers conform today’s version of turkeys.  These covers just lack dignity.  Much like the birds.  Though you really can’t blame the birds since they’re bred that way.  These covers though…..
What the Cover Says : Alec and Kim feel like they’ve experienced this story over and over again.  And that’s because they have.  They are the YA book models.  But what happens when they are stuck in a YA book with all its cliches?  Will they be able to escape insta love and the dread love triangle?  Will true love overcome all like in most YA books or will they be the one star crossed couple that someone finally has the balls to separate?
What the Book is Really About: Cami is an aspiring chef with a Gordon Ramsay like dad.  Her stepmom’s nephew comes to live with them and fluff insures after he gets over himself.  Seriously, this guy could be a stand in for the beast in Beauty and the Beast and he’s human.
Verdict:  Obviously, yes it’s a turkey of a cover.  I mean look at these two. You know, if they do end up procreating or adopting together there’s a chance that their kid is going to see all these PDA filled covers.  Can you imagine how you’d feel if you saw your librarian lusting over your dad just because he has posed for several YA covers?  And I honestly, thought I saw this guy onGeneral Hospital  the other day, but it alas it was not him.  Just a guy who almost looked like him, but wasn’t blessed with Pepe’s (I think that’s his name) nose.
What the Cover Says: A modern retelling of The Music Man where Marion the librarian is an English major/book blogger and the professor is a young sociology major trying to see how many people he can convince to join the school’s very sad music program.
What the Book is Really About: Marching band melodrama with sexism.
Verdict:  Is there anything about it that does not scream turkey.  I mean look at that thing, I would not want to carry it in public .
What the Cover Says: Emily Gale has always noticed that there’s something different about her mother.  It’s not just the townspeople’s gossip in the small Kansas town she lives in.  Something happened to Dorothy in the past that not resulted in Emily, but resulted in her mother talking about protecting something from them.  It’s not until a tornado hits that Emily finds out her true origins, that she is not even the daughter of Dorothy but of a witch.  But which witch?
What the Book Is Really About: So idiot lives with her abusive father even though she totally doesn’t have to and falls in love with a Winchester that’s not a hunter.  Seriously, the love interest name is Dean, he drives an Impala, and acts like damaged goods.
Verdict: Gobble, gobble.  Okay, who in their right mind thought that this chick should be posing in front of a tornado?  Seriously, there has to be several safety violations right there.
What the Cover Says: Ellie is popular.  Purity old popular.  And that’s bad thing when you’re going to a geek college.  That’s right.  Miss Homecoming Queen got into G.I.T. (because god forbid the publisher actually uses M.I.T.) for her amazing computer skills and she has to do a major makeunder fast since everyone is starring at her like she is a freak.  Hence, a summer of trying to achieve nerdom with ridiculous failure.
What the Book is Really About: A closeted comic book geek finds herself in love with a nerd (gasps!)
Verdict: Turkey legs.  Okay, that was sort of mean.  But that model has used some serious Nair.  Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s a stock image which is sort of sad because I really did like the book (more mindless fluff).
What the Cover Says:  Allison Wheaten  is a fashion major.  She does not, or will she ever, care for archeology, history, or any of that nonsense unless it involves clothes.  Which was what she thought she was getting into when she decided to sign up to study abroad in Egypt.  Turns out though, she wasn’t studying the fashions behind the Queen of the Nile.  Instead, Allison finds herself spending her days digging a tomb of a long lost queen who liked to wear a beard for a fashion statement

What the Book Is Really About: It’s the final book in the Strange series-which is a steampunk series that I’m slightly addicted too.  This one is supposed to take place in Egypt.

 

Verdict: Definite turkey. Okay, who would wear evening wear in the desert?  And for that matter strapless dresses in the 19th century?  Maybe if the dress wasn’t constructed that way I could get it…you know, if she had the Indiana Jones girlfriend treatment on the dress (it’s destroyed so that it is stylishly revealing), but ugh.  Just ugh.

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