Well, it’s almost that time of the year again. Meaning, the end of the year. So naturally, I’ll be doing top ten lists for 2013. I know I’ll probably read a few books before the ball drops. But as of now, these are my top ten worst picks for 2013. Note, there were lots of contenders but I chose these ten because they were the most memorable (for some reason or another).
10) Who Heard of Grammar:
I’ve indulged in lots of Amazon freebies this year. I think My Boyfriend Merlin sticks with me, not so much for its sheer awfulness (because it’s really like any other bad indie paranormal YA out there) but because of it’s awful cover, grammatical error on the cover, and the fact that it turns what should’ve been a bad ass telling into a wimp ass book. Also, it encompasses every problem I have with indies. Grammar people, grammar. At least this one was free, but seriously hire an editor before you hit the publish option. It will make you look more credible and your reader is less likely to have a migraine.
9) Because It’s So Natural to Wear Skinny Jeans After Giving Birth:
Another YA book that glamorizes teenage pregnancy…. And I thought Breaking Dawn was the only book that did that. But nope. The Goddess Inheritance continues this saga where mom’s instantly get back their pre-baby body, babies are just like well behaved Papillions, and significant others are more like Coach handbags than an actual significant other. What really bothered me about this one though was that it had potential. I actually sort of enjoyed the first book in the series. Though in hindsight, there were obvious problems there as well.
8) Just Zap Me a New Pair of Boobs While You’re at it:
Oh, where do I start. I think if there was a book that I was the most disgusted with this year, this one would take the cake. I really do love witch books. Blame it for being a member of Generation Harry, but there’s always something about the subject of magic that should make it an interesting read. This book though: total horror story. Maybe if the main character’s best friend wasn’t the school counselor and she didn’t give herself plastic surgery through magic spells, I would’ve finished this one. Instead, I remember going on a rant about body image in the genre after reading this.
7) Because Reading the Same Story Never Gets Old:
I didn’t like Beautiful Disaster the first time around. And I didn’t like it the second time around either. The fact that McGuire is continuing to exploit the exact same damn story-no sequels just retellings of the story in various point of views or events from the story just makes me want to stab myself in the eye. The fans, however, don’t seem to be bothered that this is a very obvious cash cow.
6) China Did It:
Yeah, this one. I honestly, don’t see it’s point other than to be filler. Nothing happened in this freaking book except Cass trying to explain her illogical China ruined the world thing. And it still doesn’t make sense. Really, why would China want to destroy a resource it wants to exploit? Basically, the little life lesson I learned from this book is that some people obviously did not take a political science class in college, despite being a history major.
5) If Twilight was produced by Roland Emmerich:
Oh dearie me, where to begin. This was probably the first god awful book I read in 2013. Which is a shame because I hear that Kresley Cole is actually a pretty good writer. Well, I didn’t see it. Instead, I saw an illogical attempt to write a Roland Emmerich movie in book form. Let me just be frank, Roland Emmerich movies are barely tolerable. Turning into a book…not a good idea. Also, Catholic bashing (puke).
4) A Cursed Fairytale:
Can a Rapunzel retelling be done? That is a question I often ask. Alex Flinn is often considered to the master of fairytale retellings in YA, but this book. Ugh, just ugh. It relies too heavily on YA tropes. Honestly, though I haven’t really liked the past few Flinn books I’ve read. At first I wondered if whether it was just an overall decline in work, but now I’m wondering if my taste has changed. Needless to say, I’m hoping that the next Rapunzel retelling I read (Marissa Meyer’s Cress) is not a disappointment.
3) The Dog Didn’t Even Like It:
This one was so high on the list because Melissa de la Cruz was at one time my go to author. She has brilliant ideas, but the execution of this one…And this was sort of like a last chance by for me. The last few Blue Bloods books were sort of half assed and its adult spinoff was less than great. And then came along this little gem. I just couldn’t get the world building and half of the events that took place in the novel just left me with questions. That is why I leave this book series for my dog to review.
2) Not Even a Bat Bomb, a Bat Turd:
I love super heros. This book though, not so much. Maybe it was because Kahaney tried to make her heroine a female version of Batman a little too much. I get being inspired by Batman. Batman is bad ass, but this girl. Ugh. She makes the 1960’s Robin and Batgirl look good. And that’s saying something. Speaking of superheroes, the new Wonder Woman could probably beat up Anthem and that is saying something.
1) A Series So Bad You Have to be Drunk to Tolerate It:
Well, this was the year of House of Night. And after reading ten of these books, I never think I’ll be the same. They are horrible. Encompassing everything from the ultimate Mary Sue, to mocking everyone from who does not fit the Zoey Redbrid definition of cool. House of Night is just cray-cray. Honestly, these books are so bad you can make a drinking game out them. Wait, I already did that. That, in itself, makes it number one on the hate list.