Patty Beagle Presents a Drinking Game: Tiger’s Curse by Collen Houck

 

Well, I was told I had to write another review.  But this one involves drinking.

Yay!

I love drinking.  Even though I’m technically not allowed to have beer.  That sort of sucks that I’m not allowed to because it taste delicious.  But when MJ said I could review Tiger’s Curse which is the series she chose for her 2014 Awful Book series challenge I was like go me because it involved drinking.

DSC02298

The things I do when I get drunk.

So what’s this book about: A girl falls in love with a tiger despite the fact that she probably seemed like a Big Mac (I love Big Mac’s) to him and fortunately for her he turns out to be a prince with perfect clothes.

I mean, that would be awkward a tiger human relationship, could you imagine being with someone who might eat you?  Well, I sort of can.  My friend the Parson Russell Terrier had a pet lizard and it ended up being, well, my lunch.

You see, you just don’t become friends or for that matter special friends with something that will eat you.  But that’s all Kelsey talked about was her tiger.

Case in point:

Those eyes.  They were mesmerizing.  They stared right into me, almost as if the tiger was examining my soul. (27)

MJ says if I drank every time the tiger human love was going on, I would have to see the man with the bushy eyebrows.

I don’t know what that means, but I don’t like bushy eyebrows man.

Besides, its ridiculous premises the book suffers from a lot of other problems.  I think it needed what they call a reality check.  Like how does someone with no training, no education get a job at the circus.  Let alone a job at the circus working with a tiger ( a huge liability).  But little Ms. Tiger Lover gets the job without even an interview.

Adopting a pet isn’t even that easy.

I know too much stuff about Kelsey like five thousand descriptions of her clothes, how she wears her hair, and how she’s fascinated with airplane bathrooms.  Really, they could’ve spent those seventy-five or so pages talking about me. I mean, I am so much interesting.  You could spend, for example, an entire day talking about my eyes.  They’re so long.  They’re so copper.  They’re so wonderful.  Why talk about someone’s french braid for five whole pages when they could’ve talked about ME.

This world so doesn’t make sense.

Really, I didn’t want to know much about Kelsey.  She talks like Dora the Explorer-meaning like a robot.  Every question she asked was for info dump purposes her crush on the princey, well, I think my parents had a more romantic relationship than those two.

And I think the emotional maturity is similar to these two too.

Though they did have romantic moments when he was a tiger.

Alas, animal/human love is icky.

For us animals.  I’m sure some of you humans find it to be a wonderful thing.

Shudders.

I also was really excited when I heard that this book took place in India.  Despite what my owner thinks, I would love to travel.  I know I seem like a total homebody, but this Beagle watches the traveling channel.  However, I barely felt I was in India when I read this book.  Heck, I felt like this India was more or less a compilation of the local Indian food restaurant that Houk eats at and some Bollywood films.  Oh, and Indiana Jones.

Honestly, Indiana Jones had a much more complimentary view of Indian culture than this book.  It was like Houk had totally forgotten that India is in the modern world too.  And based on some of the comments that Kelsey made I think she forgot too.

It’s actually obnoxious and ethnocentric.

Yay!  Another reason to get drunk.

It’s actually really sad.  Here is a country that has a rich history and mythology that has really been untapped, and Houk does nothing but shit on it.  Even a couple of Google searches can prove that Houk knows nothing when it comes to India and its mythology.

Also, really, does everyone have to speak with a horrible accent.  I get that Hagrid and a few other characters from Harry Potter do.  But that’s Harry Potter and like that author can do whatever she wants.

The only person allowed to speak with an accent

I think a lot of authors don’t realize that they aren’t JK Rowling.

So, to sum it up if you want the top five quickest ways to get drunk on this one you can drink every time:

1) Anytime Kelsey talks about the way she looks (this includes her hair, clothes, or really anything else).

2) Anytime Kelsey describes another character.  Take another shot every time they are described having some sort of jewel tone for eyes.  Or a particular horrible description that makes you cringe.

3)  Anytime India is described in offensive over the top Princess Diaries 2 type of way.

4) Anytime Kelsey seems to have more feelings for the tiger than the prince

5) Anytime Kelsey surprisingly saves the day despite being a moron.

This is just one of those books that has an immense amount of potential, but in the end it just falls flat on its face.  The only good thing to do with it is to get drunk.  My owner couldn’t even be bothered to review it in the end, because she just  that bad. The worst thing is that this was popular enough to get a movie deal.   While currently IMDB has nothing regarding casting, the release dated is slated for 2015.  So, it could happen.

Overall Rating: F, but yes we’ll be reading and reviewing the sequel.

 

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5 thoughts on “Patty Beagle Presents a Drinking Game: Tiger’s Curse by Collen Houck

    • I’d say it’s a draw. In some ways HON is better-the early ones. They’re shorter and there’s a point you know the Casts are just going for the campiness value that makes them sort of good in a terrible way. In this book, I think Houck was actually trying which actually makes me sort of sad. The idea was original enough but the execution really was horrid.

  1. Personally, Tiger’s Curse is one of my favorite books, but that’s just me.
    I agree that Houck does use too much description at times and that Kelsey can be an idiot at times, but I think I mostly read it for the fighting scenes. Awesome review (putting aside the fact that T.C. is one of my favorite books, of course), though!
    -Blaze

    • I personally chose this series as my drinking game series this year because I thought it could be a fun book to read (even though it has very obvious faults). It’s sort of like House of Night, as much as despise those books there’s a quality of fun to them. It’s sort of like watching a bad movie, so yeah I can get why you’d like it.

      • XD
        I think I chose it because it looked interesting.
        I have a fun series you could look at! The Inheritance Series.
        I have been on the same page in the last book for over three months.
        Ohmygodsoboring.
        The first book was good,but then it sorta dragged on… and on… and on.
        B.t.w. you are the first living being that has not totally flipped out on my for giving my opinion. Kudos to you.
        -Blaze

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