Well, I was told I had to write another review. But this one involves drinking.
I love drinking. Even though I’m technically not allowed to have beer. That sort of sucks that I’m not allowed to because it taste delicious. But when MJ said I could review Tiger’s Curse which is the series she chose for her 2014 Awful Book series challenge I was like go me because it involved drinking.
So what’s this book about: A girl falls in love with a tiger despite the fact that she probably seemed like a Big Mac (I love Big Mac’s) to him and fortunately for her he turns out to be a prince with perfect clothes.
I mean, that would be awkward a tiger human relationship, could you imagine being with someone who might eat you? Well, I sort of can. My friend the Parson Russell Terrier had a pet lizard and it ended up being, well, my lunch.
You see, you just don’t become friends or for that matter special friends with something that will eat you. But that’s all Kelsey talked about was her tiger.
Case in point:
Those eyes. They were mesmerizing. They stared right into me, almost as if the tiger was examining my soul. (27)
MJ says if I drank every time the tiger human love was going on, I would have to see the man with the bushy eyebrows.
I don’t know what that means, but I don’t like bushy eyebrows man.
Besides, its ridiculous premises the book suffers from a lot of other problems. I think it needed what they call a reality check. Like how does someone with no training, no education get a job at the circus. Let alone a job at the circus working with a tiger ( a huge liability). But little Ms. Tiger Lover gets the job without even an interview.
Adopting a pet isn’t even that easy.
I know too much stuff about Kelsey like five thousand descriptions of her clothes, how she wears her hair, and how she’s fascinated with airplane bathrooms. Really, they could’ve spent those seventy-five or so pages talking about me. I mean, I am so much interesting. You could spend, for example, an entire day talking about my eyes. They’re so long. They’re so copper. They’re so wonderful. Why talk about someone’s french braid for five whole pages when they could’ve talked about ME.
This world so doesn’t make sense.
Really, I didn’t want to know much about Kelsey. She talks like Dora the Explorer-meaning like a robot. Every question she asked was for info dump purposes her crush on the princey, well, I think my parents had a more romantic relationship than those two.
Though they did have romantic moments when he was a tiger.
Alas, animal/human love is icky.
For us animals. I’m sure some of you humans find it to be a wonderful thing.
I also was really excited when I heard that this book took place in India. Despite what my owner thinks, I would love to travel. I know I seem like a total homebody, but this Beagle watches the traveling channel. However, I barely felt I was in India when I read this book. Heck, I felt like this India was more or less a compilation of the local Indian food restaurant that Houk eats at and some Bollywood films. Oh, and Indiana Jones.
Honestly, Indiana Jones had a much more complimentary view of Indian culture than this book. It was like Houk had totally forgotten that India is in the modern world too. And based on some of the comments that Kelsey made I think she forgot too.
It’s actually obnoxious and ethnocentric.
Yay! Another reason to get drunk.
It’s actually really sad. Here is a country that has a rich history and mythology that has really been untapped, and Houk does nothing but shit on it. Even a couple of Google searches can prove that Houk knows nothing when it comes to India and its mythology.
Also, really, does everyone have to speak with a horrible accent. I get that Hagrid and a few other characters from Harry Potter do. But that’s Harry Potter and like that author can do whatever she wants.
I think a lot of authors don’t realize that they aren’t JK Rowling.
So, to sum it up if you want the top five quickest ways to get drunk on this one you can drink every time:
1) Anytime Kelsey talks about the way she looks (this includes her hair, clothes, or really anything else).
2) Anytime Kelsey describes another character. Take another shot every time they are described having some sort of jewel tone for eyes. Or a particular horrible description that makes you cringe.
3) Anytime India is described in offensive over the top Princess Diaries 2 type of way.
4) Anytime Kelsey seems to have more feelings for the tiger than the prince
5) Anytime Kelsey surprisingly saves the day despite being a moron.
This is just one of those books that has an immense amount of potential, but in the end it just falls flat on its face. The only good thing to do with it is to get drunk. My owner couldn’t even be bothered to review it in the end, because she just that bad. The worst thing is that this was popular enough to get a movie deal. While currently IMDB has nothing regarding casting, the release dated is slated for 2015. So, it could happen.
Overall Rating: F, but yes we’ll be reading and reviewing the sequel.