DID for Aliens: The Host

Yes, I know it’s technically not YA.  When it was published it was considered adult, but probably now it might be considered New Adult.  Well, maybe.  I could probably spend a whole blog entry on talking about what to classify this book as, but since many Twilight Saga fans read this book and saw this movie I think it’s fair to review it.

To be fair, I actually enjoyed the book version of this film more than I did the Twilight Saga.  It wasn’t the greatest book ever, but unlike Twilight, I thought there were lots of issues that if Meyer wanted to spend her time on could’ve made for a compelling story.  And I thought about that during the film version as well, especially during the ending.  Only,  these issues are swept aside for the romance.

And as you probably already know already, I am a fan of romance, so I really shouldn’t have a problem, right?

Well, I wouldn’t if the movie wasn’t trying to present itself as being something more.

Or at least it was stylized as such.  To be honest though, the movie didn’t really focus anymore on the issues than the book did.  And the romance….well, it wasn’t even that much a part of the movie even though the guys they casted were nice to look at. The romance and chemistry itself bland as hell.

Even this fantasy sequence was much more romantic than anything in The Host. And it’s a fantasy sequence.  Though it does have Benedict Cumberbatch in it, so that explains a lot.

Instead, this movie was a hodgepodge of poor decisions.  That when it’s all put together it’s just a fucking mess.

I dare say, in some ways it might be worse than City of Bones.  Though to be honest, a lot of the problems that The Host has are similar to those in City of Bones.  In City of Bones, I believe that a lot of its problems were purposely caused in this film not so much…which is what gives it a slightly better rating from me.  Slightly being the objective word, because even though I felt sympathy for the people behind this movie, I still can’t help say that this movie sucks.

The movie was soooo boring.  Once again, not so much the film makers fault since they were using the book.  And since this is a Stephenie Meyer book, it’s really hard for them to veer off that much without the fan girl’s going ape shit crazy.  That being said, something had to be done with the source material.  Either develop the romance further or explore the issues that the book has that Meyer farted over. Did they do this though…nope.

Must have been watching this movie.

Even the exciting parts of the book were just sort of, well, rushed in the film version.

I always knew that The Host wasn’t a perfect book.  I knew that there were plot holes.  Lots and lots of plot holes.  But in a book you can sort of glance over them. Not so much in a movie.  Especially if said viewer is an Ancient Aliens aficionado and wonders why  such an advance civilization uses human technology to seek out a fellow alien.

Seriously, where was the cool alien technology?  The only thing that signaled these guys were aliens is they all had John Stamos eyes, wore white, and drove fancy sports cars.  And that is something you don’t want to wear or look like when you go undercover.

Not that John Stamos colored eyes are a bad thing, they’re just not inconspicuous.

See conspicuous

I suppose the white outfits and fancy cars were also used to give this setting a futuristic vibe.  Again, this has me laughing.  Maybe it’s because I’ve done some research on the history of fashion, but plain colored clothing was generally worn by the lower class.  I find it difficult to believe that the higher class in the future would be wearing clothes that once were worn only by peasants and for that matter, that  such an advance society would still be driving cars powered by fossil fuels.  But hey…

It makes Nicholas Cage’s girlfriend from National Treasure look bad ass.

Seriously, I think that’s what they thought on a lot of these choices.

As for Diana Krueger’s performance of The Seeker.  No.  Just no.

Horrible choice in casting and while I like Diana Krueger and think she can act, this is not the part for her.  She can’t do menacing.  Or at least bureaucratic menacing.  It probably didn’t help her so called bad assery being limited to her sitting in a helicopter trying to find Wanderer in the desert.

Hasn’t anyone heard of GPS trackers?

Paging Michael Westen for backup here.

Another offensive eyesore that this book had was Melanie’s accent.  I’m from Texas and have been to Louisiana several times, my sister works there.  People from both states do not talk like that.  The only person I have heard who remotely speaks that way is Macy from Teen Mom and that’s a stretch since her Tennessee (not Texas, not Louisiana) accent is not as thick as Melanie’s.  Honestly, Melanie’s accent bordered on offensive the way Dick Van Dyke’s accent was offensive to many in Mary Poppins.

And I’m pretty sure the only reason she even had the damn thing was to differentiate between the two characters.  I mean, I’ve seen DID stories on soap operas before that’s what they do too. However, using a different accent is really a cheap trick other tricks could’ve been used-slight change in word choices, mannerisms, how Wanderer dresses could’ve been used to show the difference.  Also, I have to mention this, once Melanie gets ahold of her body again her accent apparently goes away.

Oh, and if the accent isn’t offensive enough to fellow Southerners we get to see Melanie’s uncle who looks like he came out of a Western.

Okay, film producers, being a life long resident of Texas I can tell you that people usually don’t dress like John Wayne unless: A) They’re a John Wayne impersonator, B) The rodeo is going on and it’s Go Texan day, or C) they work at a dude ranch.  Uncle Jeb didn’t do any of those things.  Instead, he manage to create things that I’m not even going to touch on because it would give me a headache trying to talk about how many laws of physics are being broke.  It’s at times like these that I seriously think I need to invest in a Sheldon Cooper coblogger.

Anyway, my overall thoughts on this fuck up is sadness.  I think they really tried, but in the end it failed from basic mistakes.  Perhaps they thought they were safe because they had The Twilight Saga’s coattails to ride on, but in the end it just didn’t work. Overall rating D- (hey it doesn’t get the full blown F because there was some effort).

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