So, this somehow got renewed. I didn’t know until I checked my DVR and saw too episodes. So let’s get down to the recaps shall we (we won’t defeat the Huns)…
If you Forgot What Happened Last Season:
- Ingrid made an ass of herself in ill colored cardigans
- Freya threated about her love life and nothing else.
- Dash walked around without a shirt for ten episodes.
- Killian made an appearance as additional eye candy
- Dash and Killian’s momma went bananas.
- No one in The
Halliwells’Bechaumps’ stupid town watched the Thor movies.
- Wendy was awesome.
- And Ingrid opened up a portal in another horrible cardigans.
A Moveable Beast:
The episode opens with a lot of dark cinematography with Latin being thrown in every now and then to give it a spooky effect. It’s too dark to actually see anything and not get a migraine so these scenes I really just sort of use to multi-task. The only thing I have halfway sort of gathered is that Ingrid is now sleep walking in evening wear that’s suppose to be a nightgown. They then flash to the woods, which she’s apparently walking around before showing the credits. I’m hopeful for now that there will be dialogue.
It appears Jo is being poisoned and her estranged husband is treating her, though with the way it’s played out its like a recreation of some god awful scene from an EL James’s sad excuse of a novel.
As usual, Freya is obsessed with her love life and nothing else. Wendy is the only character that makes sense. Given the fact she is a Lifetime addition and not part of the original series, it really is quite surprising.
Dash is trying to get his Harry Potter on, but it’s not working. Perhaps, he should go to Diagon Alley instead of talking to a Killian hallucination. Sadly, he is wearing a shirt. As he does pretty much throughout the rest of this episode. Guess, he got that Jacob Black cause removed from his contract.
Freya again bemoans about her love life. I really don’t care as I neither care about Jo’s condition since the promos show her alive and well. More time to multi task.
There’s a stranger lurking in the woods…I have a bad feeling about who it’s going to be. And Lifetime better not stick to the source material on this one is all I have to say.
And now cut to the hospital with scenes of Dash trying to be McDreamy. The scrubs are good. Though not as good as him going shirtless. Swim some of that frustration off, Dash.
Freya meanwhile has some vision about Killain. It’s always oh woe is me with her and I really don’t care about her love life at this point.
Ingrid’s at the library talking to her token best friend. She apparently applied to a job that she’s under-qualified for and lied on about having a doctorate degree. She acts like she’s more qualified than most people because she really loves the subject matter. Having actually suffered through a doctoral program I’m giving Ingrid the stink eye on this. And for wearing ANOTHER cardigan.
Joanna and her estranged husband have bonding time. It’s just sort of awkward. Though they have more chemistry than Ingrid did with every single one of her boyfriends. But her estranged husband is no Harrison Ford or Brad Pitt.
More moaning about Freya’s love life. Apparently, she now has Phoebe Halliwell powers. Really, show, really? When will you not rip off Charmed.
Seems they’re trying to give Wendy a love interest. I approve. She’s the only decent character on this show. The love interest seems to be a rift on the guy that Melissa de la Cruz paired up Ingrid with in the books. He has better chemistry with Wendy-just saying. Then again, TV Ingrid has tainted any love I had for that character. Well, it didn’t help with the whole annoying virgin subplot in the book.
Back to Dash trying to figure out what’s wrong with him…boring.
Annoying family bonding moment where Ingrid does magic to lighten up the mood and laughs. She’s become even more annoying this season. How is that possible?
Jo is getting sicker. This of course leads to Lifetime melodrama which let’s daddy dearest (the estranged husband) make a quick exit.
Ingrid’s Interview: she’s unkept, late, and her future boss is unimpressed. Unimpressed with her lying too. Good for him. He tells her she’s a loser (stating the obvious) and leaves.
S0 what does Ingrid do? She goes to the bar to bemoan in a neutral color cardigan (instead of the nasty green one she wore to the interview) to bemoan about why she didn’t get a job she wasn’t qualified for. Her token friend tells her to use a spell, Freya agrees. Aren’t you NOT suppose to use magic for self gain? Whatever. She ends up doing a ritual with her lame glass of white wine, gets the job and then falls on her ass (no joke about that).
And Dash gets more freaked out while getting his McDreamy on.
Meanwhile, Freya’s bemoaning about her love life gets interrupted by Ingrid’s stupidity and Wendy has to fix it (like everything else) and flirts more with the cute EMT.
Dash goes into the bar glares at Freya and gets a phone call telling him his brain is as messed up as Ingrid’s. Boy do I feel for him.
Joanna talks about how she’s okay with dying and then Freddie…
This is the character that ended up ruining the book series. Did you really bring him on here?
At least he’s cute and he’s not as stupid (so far) as the book one. But I was really hoping he’d never appear despite your foreshadowing last season. Why didn’t you get the message. Are their actually Freddie fans out there?
At least Wendy has common sense.
While at the bar Freya makes an ass of herself in front of Dash by asking about the welfare of his brother. That she was having an affair with. You just don’t do that Freya. Just don’t.
Poor Dash. That and the I Know What You Did Last Summer threats have to kill him. Oh, and finding out your a wizard with no Hogwarts letter.
Really, that blows.
As Freya bemoans about Killan the camera pans out to the Caribbean. Yep, the boat apparently floated all the way down there with no one finding it. He has himself a Freya replacement and they are getting it on.
You know, Freya will be having a pity party in a couple of episodes over that with a bunch of slut slamming included.
I’m not even going to go into the end other than that it was stupid and probably won’t make sense till the last episode. Overall, this particular episode wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t great either. It was fairly typical of the show so I’m giving it a C.
Best Moment: Wendy’s moments with the EMT
Worst Moment: Freddie being a cast Member
Cringe Worthy Moment: Anytime Ingrid’s on My Screen.
Shirtless Moments: Unfortunately, none. But lots of scrubs moments.
The Son Also Rises:
We open up with a shot of Halliwell Manor when it’s not Hollywood Manor. Jo is concerned because her thirty year-old daughter wasn’t home at the crack of dawn making an ass of herself. Instead, she’s laying in the back yard making an ass of herself. We know she was sleep walking in the previous episode. So, it’s not a big deal.
More of Dash unsuccessfully trying to get into Hogwarts and a blackmail call. Given the state of evidence, I’m betting he could chalk it up on bad video editing not murder. But that’s just me.
Ingrid’s alive-unfortunately. She sounds like she’s high on something with the way she’s talking about her appetite and waking up in the backyard but since she’s Ingrid I really doubt she is on something. Jo and Wendy tell them they have a brother they take it pretty well.
Wendy like me is still less than impressed with Freddie. Once again, the only character with common sense on this show.
Freddie and Freya start talking about astral projection and twin stuff. All I have to say is Prue Halliwell and why would anyone want to willingly be related to Freddie. Yes, I know I’m talking about book Freddie not TV Freddie. But still, if he’s anything like book Freddie that’s someone’s DNA I would not want in common.They also talk about how Freya is a princess. She acts shocked. I just sort of nod my head. I mean, only royalty gets away with talking about their pathetic love life so much.
There is something up with Freddie as we find out later on. At this point, not exactly how to describe it other than I think Lifetime wants us to find it creepy and we fade to commercial (finally).
I use this opportunity to do important things like check the weather.
Wendy does some spying in her cat suit. I really do like Cat Wendy which reminds me I really want a cat. The EMT she was flirting with pets her another point for him guys who like animals always get a plus sign on the likability factor. Wendy the cat spies on him and finds out he has a kid. Obviously, a misunderstanding will occur.
Ingrid starts her new job and her new boss tells her he was forced to hire her and that she’s a loser (I like this guy). I should also note, Ingrid is wearing the same cardigan as she wore when she fell on her ass drinking white wine in the last episode.
Dash’s paranoia at this point is getting predictable so I am hitting the FF button. Thank God for the DVR.
Oh, wait I have to watch Jo and Wendy and their pie get ditched by Dash. Yeah, I have to say I’m amused with him telling them to get lost.
A big Fourth of July Party-well, their timing is off-is going on. Wendy claims to feel a chill in the air (this is only stated five hundred times the rest of the episode) just like her starring at the EMT while Jo talks to her drip of a son when Freya isn’t.
Trying to show that twin bond which really isn’t working since Freya more or less looks like she’s into her twin.
Between the champagne glasses they try to astral project for Killian and of course fail.
Ingrid’s boss says she’s a loser because she’s a librarian. Now, I’m starting to hate him. You can diss Ingrid as much as you want, God knows I do, but do not diss librarians. They are bad ass. Unless of course, they try to torment their patrons by putting really horrible YA books on their feature shelf like Ingrid does.
Freya is not doing her work because she’s trying to book a flight (Jesus, girl just use Priceline) and is talking to her brother. Outrageously enough, patrons are getting upset with her and a little rowdy. Of course, her
new screw partner
Seriously, he would’ve been better off NOT being related to her.
Lifetime does not know how to write sibling relationships.
Ingrid gets yelled at for improperly handling a book. And gets into an argument. Her boss leaves and is Lifetime punished-he’s dead. It’s actually a rather dramatic death at the Fourth of July picnic (apparently).
Back in the Caribbean, Killian performs some sort of ritual with his love buddy that reveals he has magic. She says its because of their love. Oh, Lifetime, we know you are totally going to be slut slamming her. It’s not even funny at this point. And it sort of upsets me, because this girl could be an interesting diverse character, but their just going to make her a stupid impediment to the Freya/Killian love fest.
The show ends sort of on a low note. The fireworks are rained out and Ingrid tells everyone she’s moving out. Given the fact she’s randomly sleep walking this probably isn’t the best idea, but she actually thinks that’s the reason she’s sleep walking (living with her mother). Honestly, I could care less about Ingrid’s living situation and just want to get this double viewing done by watching the painfully induced magic fireworks on top of the ceiling.
Overall Rating: D a very droll episode.
Best Moment: Ingrid being told she’s useless
Worst Moment: Actually, siding with Ingrid.
Cringe Worthy Moments: Freya and Freddie.
Shirtless Moments: None. Again. What’s wrong, show. Seriously.