Is this Some Sort of Parody: Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber

In her small town, dubbed “Dullsville,” sixteen-year-old Raven — a vampire-crazed goth-girl — is an outcast. But not for long…

The intriguing and rumored-to-be haunted mansion on top of Benson Hill has stood vacant and boarded-up for years. That is, until its mysteriously strange new occupants move in. Who are these creepy people — especially the handsome, dark, and elusive Alexander Sterling? Or rather, what are they? Could the town prattle actually ring true? Are they vampires? Raven, who secretly covets a vampire kiss, both at the risk of her own mortality and Alexander’s loving trust, is dying to uncover the truth.

Ellen Schreiber’s spooky and stirring romance tells the story of two outsiders who fall in love in a town where conformity reigns, and ends with a shocking surprise.

Source: GoodReads

 

There’s no way I can talk about Vampire Kisses with a straight face.  If it was intended on being written as a parody then Schreiber succeeded.  If it was written to be a serious romance. Then…

This is bad guys.  So bad.  It’s like the literate version of My Immortal.

Take every Goth stereotype known to man, add some really out dated vampire references (including a cringe inducing cameo by Anne Rice), and top that off with a couple of romances that don’t make any sense then you have Vampire Kisses.

Well, this book makes PC and Kristin Cast look good.

That’s something.

Actually, I take that back .  Vampire Kisses (as far as I know it) isn’t quite as offensive as House of Night.  It could though, with future installments.

A part of me really is thinking of continuing this as my drinking game series because they are painfully short.

The thing is,  the novelty wears off pretty fast.

Raven is such a fanfiction cliche of what a Goth is suppose to be it’s not even funny.

The plot itself is flimsy .  And the writing does not read YA. Well, modern YA.  Maybe YA of the 90’s.  And even then I’m thinking I’m pushing it.  It really reads like middle grade at best. And bad middle grade at that.

If the book would’ve been pitched as a parody, I think it would’ve been great.

However, as an actual novel, I’m sort of flummoxed about how it got published.

Well, I know how it got published.

Twilight obviously.  Well, I think Twilight was what got it’s US rights released.  It was actually sold to Belgium before that (surprisingly).

But it’s sort of sad the standards publishers will have.

Vampire Kisses does amuse me though.  The character, Raven, is such a trope it’s ridiculous.  Even her name’s a trope.

And it’s not like it’s the worst book I’ve ever read.

I did laugh.

A lot.

But again, not the sort of laugh you want to have.

More the kind of laugh that’s asking is what I’m reading real?

But it is real.  Very really.  As in a nine book series real.

I even wonder what you’d drink when reading this book, because besides a God awful main character.  There’s really nothing else to the book.  Except her whining.  No plot whatsoever.

It lacks catch phrases too.

But man, I know a lot more about Goth couture after reading this book.  And surprisingly, Raven doesn’t got to Hot Topic.

Not even once.

What is wrong with her?  Doesn’t she know that’s where all the cool Gothic people go according to My Immortal?

Well, I would’ve thought so considering just how similar this book was to My Immortal.  Except better written.

And a little less grosser too.

The thing was, when I finished it I really was wondering what I just read.

I think the fact that the plot was so flimsy, the characters were so 1d, and that there wasn’t anything really that remarkable about this book had me shaking my head.

I know that The Twilight Saga basically was the golden ticket for any crappy vampire book to get published, but this is just ridiculous.  It’s like every cliche that you can possibly think of thrown in a book and yet…it got published and I didn’t hate it to the point like I did with House of Night.

And I think that might be because Vampire Kisses  knew not to take itself seriously.

Overall Rating:

If a parody: A solid B

If take for real: Hahahahaha.  Um, no.  Just no.

 

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One thought on “Is this Some Sort of Parody: Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber

  1. Exactly!
    But in all honesty….I really do think it was a parody. It has to be. Every part of it screams parody- even the way it’s written. The writing style, the word choice, and the fact that every character is a blatant trope…it seems entirely satirical and meant to be a joke. I don’t believe it was meant as a serious book.
    It’s kind of genius, if you do think the book is a parody. Taken as a parody, this is 100% genius, pure gold really. I laughed and smiled a lot. If not…it’s cute?

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