Too Stupid to be Published: Suspicion by Alexandra Monir

A modern-day twist on the classic thriller, Rebecca, with a dash of the supernatural, a powerful romance, and a deadly family mystery. 

“There’s something hidden in the maze.”

Seventeen-year-old Imogen Rockford has never forgotten the last words her father said to her, before the blazing fire that consumed him, her mother, and the gardens of her family’s English country manor.

For seven years, images of her parents’ death have haunted Imogen’s dreams. In an effort to escape the past, she leaves Rockford Manor and moves to New York City with her new guardians. But some attachments prove impossible to shake—including her love for her handsome neighbor Sebastian Stanhope.

Then a life-altering letter arrives that forces Imogen to return to the manor in England, where she quickly learns that dark secrets lurk behind Rockford’s aristocratic exterior. At their center is Imogen herself—and Sebastian, the boy she never stopped loving.

Combining spine-tingling mystery, romance, and unforgettable characters, Suspicion is an action-packed thrill ride.

Source: GoodReads

After reading the article about how Richard the III might’ve not been as a legitimate heir as previously thought…well, it gave me hope for my royal aspirations (they were shot down previously when Will married Kate and produced the spare spare and now the spare spare spare…so that makes still single Harry the spare spare spare spare).  If only a genetic test from Ancestry.com shows that I have some distant cousin related to William the Conquerer or whoever maybe I can usurp those Windsors and…never mind.  The point is, that British royalty and nobility has always interested me, so a book that deals with modern nobility.

I so should eat it up.

I don’t though.

Probably because it suffers from Princess Diaries 2 stupidity disorder (and when I state Princess Diaries 2 I mean the shitty movie where Mia gets with that weirdo who’s not Michael Moscovitz not the book where awesome things happen like Mia dressing up as Glinda the Good Witch).

What is this disorder?  It’s where you think your audience idea of the upper crust sect is akin to something  that most four year-old’s know is unrealistic.

It’s true I’m not a member of peerage-the closest I come is being distantly related to a former US president (and when I mean former, I mean one who’s been dead for over a hundred years)-but I still know that most servants aren’t going to act this stupid.  They’re not going to deal with/depend on a little shit for support.

But what do I know?

I’m a bloody American.  I get pissed when some rich snot calls my sister the help just because she’s her teacher.  I mean, seriously.  The help.  This is not an Oscar winning film.  This is reality where most people don’t make up the one percent.

And this book seems to take this approach with the masses.  Our main character-the ever boring and stupid Imogene-is a member of privilege and we hear constantly feel bad for the help (she sacrifices her gap year so they won’t get sacked).

Eyes rolling yet?

Mine were till like Tina Fey’s character in Mean Girls, they got stuck.  I mean, you want to read something that is so stupid that you feel like you are a superior species, this is your book.

Otherwise….NO!

This is the sort of shit that gets me angry.  To be fair, there’s limited hate on the main character.  She’s so boring and goody goody-ish that there’s really not much to say about her.  Other than she’s a dumb ass.  But hey, everyone in this book is a dumb ass so I’ll give her a pass on that.

Love interest: dumb ass who’s essentially a mancessory.

Villain: the most fucking stupid villain ever.

Without spoiling the ending that much, I will say that it was: Stupid.  Stupid. Dumb. Dumb. Fucking stupid. Fucking dumb.  Dumb. Dumb. Stupid. Stupid.

There’s really no need to continue.

But seriously?

That had to be the biggest load of b.s. I’ve read.  I am really trying hard to not go into particulars, but it illogically made no sense.

Any decent detective could get a clue with this one.  But since our main character’s main tool of deduction is Wikipedia, I guess…well….

Sigh.

I really need to work on keeping my blood pressure down.

Okay, where were we:

1) Stupid characters and plot twist.

2) Unrealistic depiction of working class people.

3) No FUCKING research.

Oh, yes, number three.  No fucking research.  I’m not even going to go into a long winded discussion of legalities here.  Forget about the fact, the legalities are complicated even more since this does not only involve US law but British law as well.

But who fucking cares?

I know that’s what the trolls are going to tell me when they defend this shit.

Well, excuse me that I care.  I think not dealing with these sorts of problems is ridiculous.  I know, I might sound like I’m nitpicking, but I feel like laziness marked the entire book and this is just a good example to point out.

The idea of Suspicion is intriguing, but when it came to the execution.  Big time suckage.

Overall Rating..  Falalalala you fail.

 

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One thought on “Too Stupid to be Published: Suspicion by Alexandra Monir

  1. Pingback: Bookish Highlights of the Year: Where I go Over a Year in Books | Howdy YAL!

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