Fictional Faceoffs: The Fuentes Boys Versus The Breaking Bad Crew

Queen Levanna won hands down last down (that was pretty predictable).  Unfortunately, I feel this round of fictional faceoff is going to be pretty predictable as well.  But it will be fairly entertaining (I hope) seeing the Fuentes idiots take on Heisenberg and Crew.

 

The Fuentes Boys:

Who Are They: The idiots that star in the Perfect Chemistry trilogy.  Each Fuentes boy is more idiotic than the last, and somehow they never learn from their other brothers mistakes.  You’d think that first ones horrible rap video would convince them they’re no gang bangers.

Bad Ass Moment: Um, when they manage to not get killed.  Really, I can’t think of one bad ass moment these guys have.  They act like they’re tough, but in the end Heisenberg would have no problem running them over with his Aztec and then pouring acid all over them.

Secret Talent: They all could be underwear models.  And an affinity for speaking fluent Spanglish.  Note, I didn’t say Spanish.  There’s a huge difference there.

Weakness: All of them inevitably get shot at in the books, and they really have no comprehension about how their business works.  Though, maybe if Alex was in Mr. White’s Chemistry class instead of that Mary Sue teacher’s class…

How’d They’d Get Rid of the Breaking Bad Crew: Hmm, they’d probably try to do some over convoluted sting with Hank that would end up with one of them being shot and Mama Fuentes whaling about her sons before copulating with another gang banger.  So that we get another one of these ridiculous books.

The Breaking Bad Crew:

Who Are They: A sadistic former Chemistry teacher who asks his former student if he wants to build a meth lab.  Really, it’s a song (sort of).

Bad Ass Moment: Probably killing several versions of the Fuentes boys and then getting rid of the bodies with acid.  Okay, it didn’t quite happen that way.  But I wished they would’ve destroyed the Fuentes boys.  Would’ve made my reading experience a lot more enjoyable.

Secret Talent: Meth making, I guess.  That and Walt being a closeted sadistic bastard.

Weakness: Cancer, addiction, and not being able to use that hard earned drug money.  Those are pretty big weaknesses.  However, considering all they’ve done on the show I really don’t think it’s going to effect them that much with the Fuentes boys.  Unless Momma Fuentes gets involved because she’ll probably seduce one of them into doing her bidding and producing another Fuentes boy.  Though a Fuentes boy with Walter White genes would be just creepy.

How’d They Get Rid of the Fuentes Boys: Somehow I think they’d drug them then leave them out in the desert with their skivvies on.  Or you know, shoot them and then get rid of the bodies with acid.

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