EW: A Kiss at Midnight Eloisa James

Miss Kate Daltry doesn’t believe in fairy tales . . . or happily ever after.

Forced by her stepmother to attend a ball, Kate meets a prince… and decides he’s anything but charming. A clash of wits and wills ensues, but they both know their irresistible attraction will lead nowhere. For Gabriel is promised to another woman—a princess whose hand in marriage will fulfill his ruthless ambitions.

Gabriel likes his fiancee, which is a welcome turn of events, but he doesn’tlove her. Obviously, he should be wooing his bride-to-be, not the witty, impoverished beauty who refuses to fawn over him.

Godmothers and glass slippers notwithstanding, this is one fairy tale in which destiny conspires to destroy any chance that Kate and Gabriel might have a happily ever after.

Unless a prince throws away everything that makes him noble…

Unless a dowry of an unruly heart trumps a fortune…

Unless one kiss at the stroke of midnight changes everything.

Source: GoodReads

Ew.

Just ew.

I hated this book.

The good news is I got it very cheap, the bad news in the words of the great Gordon Ramsay it sucked Donkey’s balls.

To sum up this book you could make a drinking game whenever any of the following things are mentioned/happened:

  1. Kate tells us how she’s so unattractive because she’s skinny/old/tan/etc. (this happens around  5k times throughout the novel)
  2. Kate slut slams her half sister (about 1k times)
  3. Kate wears a wig (oh, a good three hundred and some odd times).  You can vary shots on this one depending on the color of the wig-the more audacious the color the more fancy the cocktail can be.
  4. Anytime, the prince comes up with a lame excuse why he can’t be with Kate(pretty much anytime save for the last chapter).
  5. A conflict is solved with little to no fall out (the entire book)
  6. Kate becomes miraculously beautiful or is told she’s beautiful and instantly rebuffs it

Based on this impromptu drinking game I made it, it’s very obvious this book was grating to me.

To be fair, I read it in the course of another very boring work day where I had nothing to do because I reviewed my notary chapters and I can’t calculated the figures yet for the report I’m working on.  So…reading time.

Yay!

Until you read crap like this.

I purchased this book because I read somewhere it was nominated for some award and was fairly cheap.  I don’t know how this got nominated for an award because it was awful.  The characters were flat, I didn’t really get the conflict, and any semblance of a plot there was was pretty much resolved with no freaking fall out save for a rushed explanation in the epilogue.

Epic suckage.

The sex scenes even felt lifeless.  Grant it, in historicals I usually skim them anyway-because the imagery is more often than not painful-BUT in this one those scenes were more or less an afterthought.

To be honest, I didn’t think the characters liked each other enough to have sex.

The plot, also was a hot mess.  There was no logic at all holding it together.  I didn’t get how this scheme was suppose to work, or why the sister’s boyfriend was in on it.

It didn’t make sense.  Let alone, why the Idiot’s (hero) approval was needed.

Yes, he was a prince.  But they downplay that a LOT through the novel.

While this wasn’t offensive in a way a old fashion 70’s or 80’s bodice ripper would’ve been, it’s its own brand of offensive.   It’s the sort of book that thinks their readers are raging idiots.  I understand that sometime that you have to stretch you imagination to believe that some things in a book can/have happened, but this was just ridiculous.  The author was just plain lazy.

Look, I’m going to advise you to pass on this one.  I feel like it got way more recognition then it really deserved.

Overall Rating: A big fat F.

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