Disclaimer: Because this blog does not talk about politics, other than to make fun of Donald Trump’s toupee, this is not an endorsement of any political candidate. If you know me in real life, you know I do support a certain candidate and that I have been a lifelong member of a certain party (I am trying to be relatively unbiased in this post though). But this blog post is purely written in jest, rather than being a thorough analysis on the current state of weirdness in America. If you want to talk about politics with me you can read my Tweets and interact with them when there is a WWE debate on which seems to be like every other day. Note, I am only using the candidates currently in the race. If I was to you use all of the candidates that originally entered the 2016 election this post would never end.
Anyway, without further ordeal. American presidential candidates and YA books. Note, each selection has a default Harry Potter comparison. Because, you know, Harry Potter.
Hillary like protagonists are practical. They have a plans set out. However, they might not exactly be the most outgoing of book characters. They can be arguably polarizing, and people will always talk about them (often negatively). Hillary protagonists also break ceilings and wear classy pant suits.
- Kestrel The Winner’s Curse trilogy by Marie Rutkoski: Much like Hillary, Kestrel can come off as aloof and secretive and is hated by a lot of people in said book series. She is a master mind though, and wears classy looking dresses (a far cry from pant suits, but you can’t have everything).
- Sydney from Bloodlines by Richelle Mead: Sydney is a planner and isn’t exactly the warmest character. She does actually wear pant suits too, come to think of it. Also, there was a big investigation concerning her actions. However, I don’t think she was interrogated for over eleven hours. Instead, she was just locked up in an underground Duggar like rehab facility for months.
- Hermione Granger from Harry Potter: Hillary probably has the most extensive of policies amongst the candidates, but like Hermione not everyone totally feels her. Because, you know, not everyone likes hearing about Hogwarts a History. Much like a lot of people don’t like hearing about policy. They just like dick jokes, see the last GOP debate. And Hermione ultimately did get a ministry job which sort of goes to this comparison. The only thing is I don’t know is if Hermione wears pant suits.
Donald Trump himself could be a book character that no one would believe is real. He has the potential to be either great comic relief or potentially an evil corrupt dictator who Cinder and her friends or someone equally capable would have to defeat. He is a Lunar, right? I mean that so explains the ever changing orange hair and the popularity.
- Queen Levana from The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer: Because that hair is a total indicator that he is a Lunar. And how he is always on top of the GOP polls despite the shit that spews out of his mouth indicates mind control. Total Lunar. Maybe he is Levana back from the dead OMG.
- Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling: While he still has a nose, he could very much be using a forbidden curse to get those votes.
- That Obnoxious Xenophobe in Ten Things I Hate About Me by Randa Abdel-Fattah: Seriously, as bad as the characterization was in this book, someone needs to send it to Mr. Trump. It shows how obnoxious xenophobes are. Maybe Mr. Trump would learn something if he read it (doubtful, but maybe).
The idealist. Whose ideas appear great on paper, but you’re like that would cost me a lot of money in taxes. Still, he wants to start a “revolution” and YA much like real life likes revolutions so that makes them fairly popular. Also, he has his own folk album and that would probably make him one of YA’s “musical” geniuses.
- Mr. Weasley from Harry Potter by JK Rowling: Because you could totally see him feeling the Bern in a flying car. Plus, a lot of Bernie’s policies remind me of Mr. Weasley’s muggle tinkering. Sort of a little out there, but hey some of them are fairly decent ideas.
- Cinder in the Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer: While her personality in some regards has flecks of Hillary (she’s breaking glass ceilings with being the first cyborg Lunar queen) her speeches almost mirror Bernie’s. I mean, she and all the promo material involving the Lunar Chronicles constantly discussed “the revolution”. Pretty much all those Winter promos, Bernie speeches.
- Raif in Exquisite Captive by Heather Demetrios: He talks a lot about revolutions. Alas, no mention of the mysterious Wall Street (I looked a lot for a YA character who talked about the 1%, but there wasn’t a lot out there since most YA characters are members of the 1% which is another blog topic for another day).
The character that nobody likes, and thinks he’s always rights, and randomly quotes Princess Bride quotes and makes you wince because-hey, you used to like that book until Teddy started talking about it.
- Vizzini The Princess Bride by William Goldman : Because obviously. It’s inconceivable that Teddy wouldn’t be compared to him
- Draco Malfoy the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling: He doesn’t quote The Princess Bride, but he does think he’s always right. Although, to Teddy’s credit he hasn’t called anyone a mudblood. He has insulted several groups of people though not quite as much as
- Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: Because Teddy sort of has the pious thing going on. And Collins does make me wince. BUT luckily Elizabeth didn’t end up with Collins because that would be just ew.
Marco characters are the “golden boy” archetype. Arguably though, they are the golden boy characters that just don’t live up to their so called “potential”. Still though, they have a pretty face and doesn’t that make all the difference. Also Marco characters are known for being a bit robotic.
- Simon from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: It’s too bad the obvious romance in the GOP party is between Teddy and Trump, because I could totally see Marco playing Simon the “chosen one” character that just can’t get it right and Teddy could be Baz which is akin to Draco. But it’s obvious that Truz is the ultimate ship of this race (I just threw up a little in my mouth, but seriously you could cut some of the debate scenes and make a 90’s rom com trailer-you know the love hate kind-with their interactions).
- Harry Potter by JK Rowling: If you think about how Harry won the books it was a bit of a Hell Mary. I think at this point for Marco to win the race he’s need a horcrux. He didn’t fare so well with his past battles with the Dark Lord.
- Iko from the Lunar Chronicles: Becuase she’s sort of a robot (android) and she’s pretty. However, Iko would not fail if she was a golden android. Just saying.
Um, who are you? Seriously, the Kasich characters are those that we sort of forget that exists and are like-oh, yeah, that guy. Often a supporting character who tries to be a main character, these type of characters easily fade to the background but slowly lurk their way to main cast as the book continues.
- Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter by JK Rowling: Because everyone forgot about Neville until he grew up graduated and got hot and ruled the internet. Now everyone talks about Neville a lot.
- JP from the Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot: Because no one saw him becoming a main cast member until he was in your face in book seven. Up until that time he just had a corn in chili obsession.