Retrospect: The Worst Books I Ever Blogged About

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I wanted to do a retrospect for this half of the year, then I realized even though I had read a fair amount of books-I think it’s been like 59 or so-I really don’t have a definitive best or worst list.  To be honest, this year has sort of been average.  I had a few good picks but  most of them have bene contemporaries and that doesn’t make for a well rounded list.   As for the bad ones, there hasn’t been one book that has me screamed or if there has I’ve been smart enough to DNF very early in the game.

Still though, I wanted to do some sort of recap post especially since I’ve been blogging regularly for five years (six if we count the year that I started this blog, but considering I got really sick and only did like four or five posts that year I really view my start of blogging as 2012 rather than 2011).  That being said, I’d thought I’d do a couple of retrospect posts.  This one is over the worst books I’ve ever read since blogging.

Patty Bows

Getting retrospective like with Patty wearing bows. 

Why did I choose the worst rather than the best?

For one thing, it’s easier to talk about all the horrible books I read than gush over the good ones.  I find it’s more pedantic if I list all the great books I’ve read (though I do plan on doing it at some point, though I’m going to have to contain them because there’s a lot) also in retrospect some of those books I really liked I might not like so much now.  It’s sad, you blog and your taste changes.   Also, should I do such a list its going to be way longer than this one.

Because I’ll be honest, the really bad books I’ve read.  They’re going to stick with me for a long, long, time.  Without further ado here are some of the worst books that I ever blogged about.

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Original Review

I’ll be honest with you, I really didn’t think Alexandra Adornetto would still be publishing books at this point.  I thought she’d be one of those YA authors who fade into oblivion.  But she actually released a book not too long ago to that Mediator rip off series of hers-I’m not even attempting to check it out or library it.  That’s how done I am with her.  Anyway, Halo is pretty much an even more  Christian-fied version of Twilight that gets a movie produced by Kurt Cameron and that is given approval by the Dove Foundation and has some God awful original Christian rock.  And if you’ve seen any of those God awful Dove Foundation movies and how sanctimonious and patronizing they are, THAT should give you an idea how bad Halo is.

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Interesting enough, I was curious enough to see how the series would end that I ended up reading the entire trilogy which really means I had way too much time on my hands.  Honestly, I don’t know how I did it since I think I was reading this through law school and when I took my first bar.  Of course, reading this might’ve encouraged me to study.  So…yeah.

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Original Review

I love stories about witches and even though the premises of this one was a little cliche-because we can all see where this story is going-I still thought it could be cute.

But that was until I read it.  There are so many things wrong with this one, just even thinking about it has me raging. The main character practically gives herself radical plastic surgery via magic.   I think this book was what turned me off of Wattpad and anything that originates there.  It is THAT bad.   Had I reviewed this book today, I think the review would’ve been a lot more graphic than it was back then.

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Original Review

This one makes me rage thinking about it.  While I am aware that situations like Colby’s do unfortunately occur and that there are some cray cray parents out there like her mother, there was not one thing I liked about this book.  I think in part because this book offered no hope.  Everyone and their mother was an asshole, even Colby to some degree. Even though she seemed better after two sessions of therapy, you know she really wasn’t.  This book really was depressing, nasty, trigger inducing, and I just want to forget about it.  Plus, now that I think of it, Colby’s father reminded me of Chris Christie and that makes the book even more disgusting because Chris Christie (like Colby’s dad) is pretty much a horrible person.

 

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Original Review

I only read about forty pages of this shit, but that was enough to make it on the list.  I think why I hated it so much-besides the fact that the heroine and her kids all had names dealing with the fucking weather or a season or something-was that in most books Brody McDouche would be the villain.  He knocked up two women and left town.  Instead, his second baby mama (no the heroine) is portrayed as being this evil slut.  Can you say hello DNF pile.

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Original Review

This fucking series.  I really hate how Braswell handled what should’ve been an interesting series but has to be some of the most banal drivel I’ve read.  This one is particularly offensive because it ruins Beauty and the Beast by focusing on Maurice of all people.  Though to be fair to Braswell, Disney sort of took her storyline and threw it in the new movie.  BUT that movie had Kevin Kline.  This book does NOT.  Therefore, it sucks.

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Original Review

This is one had one of those reviews where I’m still getting trolls years after I originally posted.  That means, I must of done something right (I think).  Honestly, I’m sort of surprised since this is an Indy published book but whatever.

What makes this one so memorably bad about it, is I read it right after I passed the bar and it’s just so offensive on so many levels.  I can just imagine how bad it would be now after practicing a little bit and becoming certified in guardianships.

Look, I love Cinderella stories more than anything, but you know when you act like its easy peasy to have some one committed or to have their freedom be declared incompetent so easy, you are really preaching a dangerous idea.  Thing is, it wouldn’t have been that hard for Oram to make her protagonist a year or so younger to avoid this.  But just thinking about it makes me rage.

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Orignal Review

Colleen Houck’s writing embodies an average Trump supporter.  That’s how fucking offensive I find her books that stereotype the cultures and religions they’re exploring.  And she’s so fucking ignorant about the various mythologies she’s embodying.  Her characters often exemplify the worst behavior of American tourists too, come to think of it.

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Take this book, for example.  Rather than exploring Egypt, the character stays at her luxury Americanized hotel and eats a whole fucking IHOP menu.

I  could’ve also put the Tiger Curse series on this list too, but I didn’t.  Because honestly all of Colleen Houck’s books are the fucking same.  I’m actually surprised Trump hasn’t named her ambassador to India  or Egypt.  She’s fucking ignorant enough for him too.

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Original Review

Another books starring a stupid American who’d rather eat at McDonalds than be in Europe.  Yes, that’s said n the book and it’s pretty much why this book is on the list.  Also, it doesn’t help that the books intriguing premises is pretty said ruin by the exasperating main character and a prince that’s dumb as a box of rocks.

 

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Original Review

This is another one that I’ll occasionally get the random troll comment (still) on GoodReads.  I remember throwing this book against a wall when I read it.  It made me that angry.

I get that marching band is different from state to state or really program to program , but even the little minute couldn’t help some of the inaccuracies that this book had.

AND I don’t care if you can fucking do it but you do NOT transpose a solo for piccolo on horn.  You just DON’T do that.

Okay.

Okay.

And come to think about this, I still probably would throw this book against a wall.

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Original Review

Of course, this one is going to be on here.  I read the whole freaking series and if I would’ve actually drank real alcohol during it, I’m pretty sure I’d be dead.  Zoe Redbird is one of the most annoying characters out there in YA.  In fact, I find her more offensive than Bella Swan.

Actually, I find a lot more people offensive than Bella Swan.  Zoe was created in the hey day of paranormal YA and her authors seem to think she’s as famous as Bella (she’s not).  The series as a whole focuses on Zoe’s bizarre love life, the Casts weird fetishes, and Aphrodite appearing naked in every book.  God, just talking about this series makes me want to drink.

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Seriously, I sometimes wonder if the Casts had a drinking game when writing them (it would explain a lot).

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Original Review

To be fair to the book, I would’ve never read it if I knew it was Christian romance.  That in itself is sort of gag worthy to me.  It’s nothing against religion personally, I just really roll my eyes when people get all sanctimonious (and they do in these book and in Dove Foundation movies-see we went full circle in this post) and this book not only is sanctimonious with people randomly quoting Bible versus (WTF does that besides those creepy ass Duggars and those annoying Duck people) but it also has one of the creepiest love interests known to man kind.  If I were to rewrite this book I’d have some Gordon Ramsay asshole who gasps smokes, has lots of sex, drinks, and  sweeps the character off her feet (and we find out he’s not really that much of an asshole) and put creepy guy in his place.  Alas, I don’t write this shit and it’s probably a good thing since I can’t quote Bible versus and thus can’t write for the Dove Foundation, Duck Dynasty, or Christian romances.

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6 thoughts on “Retrospect: The Worst Books I Ever Blogged About

  1. I didn’t realize that Colleen Houek’s books were so poorly represented. I never knew what any of them were about, but they intrigued me at the Cover level. I haven’t read any, but now I don’t think I want to.

    • For your sanity I suggest you don’t read Houck’s stuff. It is so bad on so many levels and not even the entertaining bad. The Tiger series to its credit was originally self pub so some of the poor edit choices (including crap load of food and some really bad poetry) weren’t getting screened by an editor. But unfortunately, Reawakened (which had a team behind it) was just as bad.

  2. Oh, I enjoyed this list! And yes, Wattpad stories are mostly crap lol. The last time I tried to read stories on that site, I felt like I lost some intelligence.

  3. I don’t know if you purposefully chose the worst cover for each book, but just looking at the covers, I knew they must be terrible. I guess I’m very judgemental when it comes to books, haha.

    I enjoyed this post – I always love reading your bitter reviews! – and I agree that it can be easier to write negative things about a book than it is to write positive things. I’ll be linking to this in my monthly recap.

  4. Reawakened has such a nice cover though. That said, I don’t think I would have picked up any of the books because of the covers hahaha…this was quite a unique post to be honest. Hope this month gives you better books 🙂

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