Needs More Heart Pullage Less Teenage Angst: Bring Me Their Hearts by Sara Wolf

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Zera is a Heartless – the immortal, unageing soldier of a witch. Bound to the witch Nightsinger ever since she saved her from the bandits who murdered her family, Zera longs for freedom from the woods they hide in. With her heart in a jar under Nightsinger’s control, she serves the witch unquestioningly.

Until Nightsinger asks Zera for a Prince’s heart in exchange for her own, with one addendum; if she’s discovered infiltrating the court, Nightsinger will destroy her heart rather than see her tortured by the witch-hating nobles.

Crown Prince Lucien d’Malvane hates the royal court as much as it loves him – every tutor too afraid to correct him and every girl jockeying for a place at his darkly handsome side. No one can challenge him – until the arrival of Lady Zera. She’s inelegant, smart-mouthed, carefree, and out for his blood. The Prince’s honor has him quickly aiming for her throat.

So begins a game of cat and mouse between a girl with nothing to lose and a boy who has it all.

Winner takes the loser’s heart.

Literally.

Source: GoodReads

I get so tired of DNF’ing.  Seriously, my second DNF of the week.  I’m put out with it.  But after almost 200 pages of this one-I did give it the good college try-I couldn’t waste any of my time to it.

Perhaps, I was being too daring YA high fantasy and I usually do not mix.  They are heavily trope-y, and while I do have my fair share of tropes that I love the tropes often used in high fantasy aren’t my cup of tea-I mean, how many long lost princess stories can one have?

Bring Me Their Hearts intrigued me.  The idea of a heartless MC has intrigued me since Once Upon a Time did Cora’s backstory.

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Of course, Once Upon a Time being the show it was fucked the whole idea up.  But it was a great premises, and I looked forward to seeing how something similarly would be handled in book form.

However, Zera was probably one of the most immature brats I’ve seen in awhile in YA.  And mentally she’s suppose to be 19, so I really can’t blame her behavior totally on youth.  I mean, I’ve read 13 year-old protagonist with more maturity and grace than her.

I think with a character like Zera you expect angst.  But I didn’t really get the sort of angst I was expecting.  I was thinking I would get more gritty actual angst, than YA I’m a surly teenager angst.  I mean, come on, girl has her heart ripped out, is essentially some witch’s slave, AND her entire family was killed she should have issues more than the fact she can’t wear her so called slutty dresses.

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But I digress…

The crux of this novel goes into the standard typical forbidden love trope that high fantasy loves to play with.  I’m not a particular fan of this trope.  It’s not that it can’t be done right, it’s just that it usually isn’t.  Also, when you describe the love interest in a term that’s best used for plants and furniture makes me want to throw up a little bit in my mouth….

His face is his father’s, too, sun-kissed oakwood, and yet his eyes are his mother’s-piercign dark iron and sable darkness, and every part of me hates it-hates the fact that someone who’s to inherit so much power and wealth is striking as well (4)

Yeah, that was only four pages in.  The writing is this God awful throughout the entire book-well, the 200 pages I read.    I mean, look at this beauty

Two witches stand before us, radiating power; a bald man in an immaculately pressed gold-threaded suit and a woman with short, impossibly blue hair and a flowing gauzy dress that hides little of her midnight skin.  Both of them are so tall-though not as tall as Nightsinger-and with that same eeriness about them that gives me goose bumps (31)

Do I really need to fucking know that one of these witches has blue hair?  Seriously. Aggressive descriptions like this annoy me and weigh down the book.

It doesn’t help  that the interactions in the book seem unrealistic at best.  Like, the witch who has Zera’s heart…honestly, doesn’t seem that much of a bad guy.  But Zera detests her.  And then we get two other witches with one being just a complete a-hole.  Is this suppose to make me sympathize for the witch who has Zera’s heart because it seemed like a complete cop out to me?  Same as trying to save the children by killing them and making them zombies.

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Yes, save a child and make it them your own personal zombie solider.

Yes,  I said zombies.

Because Zera is a quasi zombie.  It’s really the best way to describe the heartless.  Though, she calls herself a monster.  I was like dude, just say zombie.  She has to eat raw flesh not to be totally out of control and I have to say it is an interesting twist if it ever amounted to anything.  But out of the 200 pages I read, the only thin I really ever saw was Zera getting stupid Princess Diaries 2 etiquette lessons and frilly dresses.  And no, just no.  I honestly, thought I was reading a recap of Throne of Glass for a bit with how pointless these scenes were.

Look, I like dress porn as much as any girly girl does, BUT when I am on a very limited reading schedule and its just adding unnecessary fodder to a book that is already filled with necessary fodder, I get annoyed especially when we’re almost 200 pages into a fucking book and little has been done developing any of the side characters.

The blurb heavily hints that romance is going to be a primary focus of the book, after all there is some weird sort of court ritual going on here.  BUT 200 pages into the book and you barely see interaction between Lucien and Zera.

I just didn’t like this one.

Maybe someone else will enjoy it more than me.  Maybe Zera stops being incredibly annoying .  Maybe Zera actually sort of deals with the fact that she’s a glorified slave and doesn’t have montages upon montages of dress porn.  But you know what, I didn’t care to stay to find out.  I don’t get to read as often as I used to, and when I do something this isn’t going to hold my interest.

Overall Rating: DNF

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