Fictional Faceoffs: The Fuentes Boys Versus The Breaking Bad Crew

Queen Levanna won hands down last down (that was pretty predictable).  Unfortunately, I feel this round of fictional faceoff is going to be pretty predictable as well.  But it will be fairly entertaining (I hope) seeing the Fuentes idiots take on Heisenberg and Crew.

 

The Fuentes Boys:

Who Are They: The idiots that star in the Perfect Chemistry trilogy.  Each Fuentes boy is more idiotic than the last, and somehow they never learn from their other brothers mistakes.  You’d think that first ones horrible rap video would convince them they’re no gang bangers.

Bad Ass Moment: Um, when they manage to not get killed.  Really, I can’t think of one bad ass moment these guys have.  They act like they’re tough, but in the end Heisenberg would have no problem running them over with his Aztec and then pouring acid all over them.

Secret Talent: They all could be underwear models.  And an affinity for speaking fluent Spanglish.  Note, I didn’t say Spanish.  There’s a huge difference there.

Weakness: All of them inevitably get shot at in the books, and they really have no comprehension about how their business works.  Though, maybe if Alex was in Mr. White’s Chemistry class instead of that Mary Sue teacher’s class…

How’d They’d Get Rid of the Breaking Bad Crew: Hmm, they’d probably try to do some over convoluted sting with Hank that would end up with one of them being shot and Mama Fuentes whaling about her sons before copulating with another gang banger.  So that we get another one of these ridiculous books.

The Breaking Bad Crew:

Who Are They: A sadistic former Chemistry teacher who asks his former student if he wants to build a meth lab.  Really, it’s a song (sort of).

Bad Ass Moment: Probably killing several versions of the Fuentes boys and then getting rid of the bodies with acid.  Okay, it didn’t quite happen that way.  But I wished they would’ve destroyed the Fuentes boys.  Would’ve made my reading experience a lot more enjoyable.

Secret Talent: Meth making, I guess.  That and Walt being a closeted sadistic bastard.

Weakness: Cancer, addiction, and not being able to use that hard earned drug money.  Those are pretty big weaknesses.  However, considering all they’ve done on the show I really don’t think it’s going to effect them that much with the Fuentes boys.  Unless Momma Fuentes gets involved because she’ll probably seduce one of them into doing her bidding and producing another Fuentes boy.  Though a Fuentes boy with Walter White genes would be just creepy.

How’d They Get Rid of the Fuentes Boys: Somehow I think they’d drug them then leave them out in the desert with their skivvies on.  Or you know, shoot them and then get rid of the bodies with acid.

Fictional Face Offs: The Battle of the Evil Queens

Welcome, to another battle of Fictional Face Offs.  Last week the Dowager Countess beat Grandmere (big surprise there, one look from Maggie Smith and it was obvious who was going to win).  This week I thought it would be nice to have a battle of the queens.  Evil Queens that is.  As always, the winner is chosen by you (vote).

 

Queen Levana

Who is She: The current evil despot  ruler of Lunar, Cinder’s aunt, Winter’s stepmother, and a bonafide psychopath. Grant it, she provided no dark curses.

Claim to Evil: Forcing a guy to marry her.  Trying to kill her niece.  Trying to force another man to marry her.  Trying to take over the Earth.  Destroying her own planet (essentially).

Secret Weapon: Mind control.  Evil minions.  A plague.   In other words, if Regina tried to take her heart, Levana would be making her take her own herat.

Weakness: Herself.  Vanity.  Lack of self esteem.  All Regina would need to do is hold up a mirror.

Why She Rules: Because she is Queen Levana and no one else can rule.

 

Queen Regina

 

 

Who Is She: The Evil Queen in the show that does NOT make any sense, but everyone watches any way for its amazing costumes (Once Upon a Time).

Claim to Evil: Destroying an entire population by sending them to another realm, tormenting Snow White because she can’t keep her trap shut, and trying to be good….seriously.  That might be her most evil act of all since it’s ruining the freaking show.

Secret Weapon: Magic.  She’ll pull out your heart or give you a poisoned turnover. Levana probably has food tasters, so she’ll be okay in that regard.

Weakness: Becoming good.  Her dweeb son who only exists as a lame plot device that makes EVERYONE related. All Levanna would have to do is get mind control over Henry and she’d totally own Regina.  Or she could release the plague that would work too.

Why She Rules: Because Rumplestiltskin lets her.

 

Coming Up Next Week: The Fuentes Brothers (from The Perfect Chemistry series by Simone Elkeles versus The Breaking Bad crew-I think we all know who’s going to win this one). 

 

 

Fiction Face Offs: The Dowager Princess of Genovia versus The Dowager Countess

Welcome, to Fiction Face Offs.  Where I have two fictional characters face off on who is more awesome. Today, I thought we’d look at two grand dowagers.  The Dowager Princess and The Dowager Countess-and yes, I know Downton Abbey is a TV show not a book.  But it still counts because I said so.  Also, if you have a suggestion of who should face off next please leave a comment.

 

The Dowager Princess (Clarisse Renaldo)

Who Is She: The dowager princess of Genovia.  Princess Mia’s grandmother.  The woman who hand a mental meltdown when Princess Grace died and tatto-ed eyeliner on her eyes.

Claim to Fame:  From producing the musical Braid to causing a strike to occur amongst New York City’s busboys.  Clarisse Renaldo has a way of ruining her granddaughter’s life.  Also, she smokes profusely and drinks lots and lots of sidecars.  Add the hairless poodle and she’s a very memorable lady.

Secret Weapon: Princess lessons.  She’ll find an excuse to make you have them and they’ll be about anything and everything.

Weakness: Her son Phillipe.  Somehow he manages to get her to shut up.  Also, babies apparently make her act like a decent human being as well.

Additional Arsenal: The Genovian National Guard, her body guard, and various credit cards. Also, she has managed to handle a supposedly blind flasher on her own.  So, she’ s not as delicate as she makes her self to be.

 

The Dowager Countess (Lady Violet)

 

 

 

Who Is She: She’s Lord Grantham’s mother.  And she’s the only one who can put anyone in Downton in their place.

Claim to Fame: Quick quips. Dirty looks.  Affairs with Russian princes.  Meddling in everyone’s life with a fabulous wardrobe.

Secret Weapon: Being portrayed by Maggie Smith.

Weakness: Her family, somehow they always ruin her well set plans.  Also, modern society is a downer as well.

Additional Arsenal: Knowing what fork to use at dinner, a fabulous dinner wardrobe, a staff of servants that don’t include Thomas or the odious O’Brian.