Better known as the episode you can be halfway tapped out on allergy meds and still get the gist of the episode.
God, this was a boring episode. Don’t believe me? Read this recap. Predictable melodrama is best how I sum up this one.
Let’s begin shall we…
So, we open up with a slew of flashbacks before we flash to a flashback in Asgard. The Asgard costume look like their rejects of the costume the mage girl wears in The Ring and the Crown book trailer (also by Melissa de la Cruz). Basically these scenes are only used to show suspicion on Freddie-known as Fredrick on this show.
I could’ve told them he’s no good. I suffered through the books after all.
Anyway, Jo asks Wendy about her son. She uses this opportunity to argue with her. It’s really a waste of screen time and is ridiculously predictable.
Meanwhile, Freya comes in while Ingrid is packing up her cardigans (she still has the grubby white one that she wore on the last episode). Freya decides to talk about how she’s flying to the Caribbean to find Killian- I still don’t know how the Coast Guard didn’t notice a random boat floating aimlessly from New England all the way down to the Caribbean, but what do I know?
While they are talking about Freya’s love life they noticed that Jo sealed up a door. Jo makes a lame excuse why it’s sealed. The two dimwits decide to give her a pass because Freya’s love life takes precedence.
Dash apparently got drunk and had a one night stand. That’s interesting. What’s not interesting is he’s having conversations with Not Dead Killian. Lifetime, if you really wanted to make this interesting you could’ve not showed the audience that Killian was alive in the first episode of the season.
Wendy goes to the morgue to perform a Pushing Daisies on Ingrid’s old boss. It doesn’t go that well. Obviously, because she isn’t a trained professional like Ned. And she bought no pie.
Man, do I miss that show. That was actually quality entertainment (unlike this show).
At this point I should mention we’re ten minutes in. Bored? So am I. I recommend using this time to do something productive, like sorting paperclips.
Oh, look it’s Halliwell Manor but with a new paint job. So, now everyone won’t be saying it’s Halliwell Manor even though that’s exactly what it is. Jo is upset about Freddie and they have a rather awkward talk. My, my, my, Freddie is adjusting to modern America much more than Thor (see his syntax and like for muscle shirts). I will admit even though the character bores me to death, he is pretty to look at. Then again, almost every male character on Lifetime is pretty to look at.
And another useless flashback to Asgard where I gawk at Victor (not Victor Halliwell’s) lame facial hair. Yet, another thing the Thor movies have on this one. Because unlike Victor both Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth can rock their Asgard hair.
Oh, Dash. Another faux Killian conversation. And really wearing your scrubs in the middle of nowhere. Conspicuous much?
Victor is on his way home apparently thrilled about Freddie. Obviously, his trip to South America resulted in a lobotomy. Wendy, the only one with common sense, put a some sort of tracking spell on Freddie.
Girl, obviously has been watching some Veronica Mars.
Well, someone has to in this useless house. And yep…they find out that Freddie is troubled.
Meanwhile, Freya goes to Killians’ room and finds out that her one true love doesn’t really give a shit about her since she got married.
Cue the slut slamming.
Because we all know it’s coming. Eva, Killian’s wife, will undoubtedly be the big bad this year and Freya will be the saint. I’m sure Lifetime will have her do something severally evil like try to kill Freya and Killian will have to save the day by the end of the season after not believing Freya’s warnings about his “evil” wife for months. And that will leave us to angst about trust next season (if it’s renewed), but for now let’s enjoy the fact that Freya is going to have to mope.
Ice cream, anyone?
Long story short, Freya makes some b.s. about why she flew down to the Caribbean to see Killian. He oddly buys it which confirms he lacks brain cells. Freya also drops the bomb that Killian’s crazy mommy is dead.
More Asgard Freddie’s a rat and we dress like lame extras of Thor flashbacks.
Man, these scenes really drag.
Dash is playing with magic and wait….wait he has a Michael Westen moment. Is he turning into a bad ass? For reals.
Okay, now I’m starting to like this character. A lot, lot, more.
Freya has a heart to heart with Eva. It comes off very lame and stilted. Really, I’m just wondering why they’re going this route. It is so cliched.
And really, really, why can’t we have Freya focus on something other than her love life. Like, I don’t know….sorting paperclips.
Ingrid (still wearing the nasty white cardigan) calls up Dash to see her. Too bad newly bad ass Dash is still polite, otherwise he’d tell her off like anyone with common sense who’s not a cast member of this show. She tells him that they have magic. He’s more interested in being a bad ass and tells her he has to take care of business.
More bad ass moments continue, though unfortunately Ingrid interrupts and almost gets herself killed in the process. Dash again has to take care of business and thanks to the waste of space, Ingrid, he has to clean up her mess.
Seriously, I get she’s a main character, but she is sooooooooo annoying. And really, why haven’t they reevaluated her wardrobe?
She cleans it up with a spell that will obviously backfire at the end of the season. The thing that is most disturbing about this scene is that I think they are testing the chemistry between Dash and Ingrid. This will severally limit Dash’s bad-assery and tarnish his character. My suggestion is he gets with the only decent character on this show (Wendy).
Meanwhile, Freddie gets an intervention. Since it’s only the third episode of the season I don’t expect much and really nothing happens here. Other than Jo being a dumb ass for believing that moron.
And more Asgard scenes where the curse is obviously enacted. I could really care less.
Victor-no not that Victor- has come home and something bad has happened to him just as we flash to commercial.
Yeah, I don’t care either. More ice cream?
Freya’s back in American and Killian comes to talk to her. It’s well…awkward.
She then goes to Ingrid and cries. Now, won’t that be awkward if Lifetime is going to throw Dingrid down our throats. Then again, since Freya only talks about her love life it won’t be that awkward.
And Ingrid, seriously, get a new cardigan.
Dash finally realizes that Killian is alive by hearing him go all Edward Cullen at the piano. The whole reaction is rather a let down. I’m sure they’ll forget the fact that Dash was being blackmailed for Killian’s death by next episode.
The episode closes with Jo calling Victor who’s not picking up and who’s being held up in some weirdo room of pain. And I’m done (well, for the week).
Best Moment: Dash being a bad ass. Who knew Dr. Shirtless had it in him, he might (just might) become likable.
Worst Moment: The potential of Dingrid (just ew!).
Cringe Worthy Moment: Asgard. In comparison to Thor (yeah, hilarious).
Shirtless Moments: I think Killian had a few shirtless moments with Eva. Honestly, I was so bored in this episode I can’t even remember. And I like abs, so me not remembering them is, well, sad.
Episode Grade: A forgettable C-. The C part is only because there’s minimum Ingrid in this particular episode.