Welcome back to that recurring feature where I think about what happens after happily ever after…
1) Kelsey (Tiger’s Curse Colleen Houck)
When We Last Saw Kelsey:
She was having a sappy happily ever after with Ren that made the ending of The Twilight Saga look sad.
Unfortunately, there was no happily ever after. Because despite what Kelsey and ultra high seed metabolism may think, eating enough food to feed twenty people via the Golden Fruit every day will still plug up your cholesterol. And at the ripe old age of twenty-five, Kelsey had a full blown coronary.
But her cardiologist was cute.
That always was a saving grace.
The problem was the cardiologist looked just like Kishan and Kelsey was once again on a merry-go-round love triangle that made anyone who was watching her life want to vomit.
Who ended up taking their son and joining a commune that spoke only in sonnets. It was actually the first time in his life he felt at peace since everyone-like him-spoke only in sonnets.
As for Kelsey, her cardiologist that looked like Kishan could care less about her sine he actually was already married to an exotic animal veterinarian who spent her days sterilizing tigers.
2) America Singer (The Selection Trilogy by Kiera Cass)
The Last Time We Saw America:
She was getting married to Maxon in the cheesiest wedding ever. Complete, with her ex playing the role of the father of the bride.
As much as Kiera Cass would like you to think that wedding where Aspen gave America away-drama filled. At least during the reception after everyone had gotten drunk on that dystopia open bar. Aspen, dude, it is not cool to fill up the bride during the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend dance. And America, you shouldn’t look like your enjoying it that much. Needless to say, Maxon wasn’t that happy but considering the state of finances in their nonsensical dystopia world, he had to put up with America until their new reality show made money. Of course, since their show was nothing like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Maxon remains married to America for a long, long, time.
3) Becca (Royally Lost by Angie Stanton)
The Last Time We Saw Becca:
She was having her happily ever after for now with her prince at a McDonalds in ‘merica. Cause you know those European people suck and are all fuddy duddies.
That’s what happened.
Unfortunately, for Becca, there was a huge write up about what a nasty person she was with a McDonalds obsession and of course the royals didn’t take kindly to that.
And of course, her lovie buddy defended her.
The only thing is, the queen and king were now more than a little pissed off at their son and decided to disinherit him since they did have that spare.
So what did Nikolai do with his limited education and TSTL attitude? Well, he couldn’ t do much except get a job at McDonalds.
Which oddly made Becca extremely happy since she can use his discount to get a Big Mac.
4) Robin (See Me by Wendy Higgins)
The Last Time We Saw Robin:
She was happily engaged to a leprechaun who had the leprechaun giantism and lacked a penis-okay, he had one. But the way he was characterized he was like a Ken doll.
TLC decided to cash in on the leprechaun commune. The only thing was that the Network thought it would be confusing if Robin and McKale were on set since they were just sooo tall. So, they essentially became pariahs in their own community. Especially since everyone else was building McMansions and they were still living in their wannabe Bilbo Baggins’ hovel.
Of course, tension then started brewing between McKale and Robin since they were the only ones living in a hovel and Robin started to resent the fact that her husband wasn’t short.
Needless to say, they ended up dissolving their arranged marriage. And of course WWIII started amongst the leprechauns and the fairies-not.
Honestly, the fae and leprechaun community could care less since they were more concerned about getting picked up for another season.
5) Cath (Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell)
The Last Time We Saw Cath:
She was finally able to get over her anxiety disorder with no meds and was writing literary gibberish that managed to get her some sort of pretentious prize.
Cath gets a call from one of the Big 6. But instead of wanting to publish her work focusing on death, destitution, and despair (the big three d’s in literary fiction) they want to publish her fan fic. But instead of having the beautiful (if cheesy) slash relationship she wrote in her fan fic, they want her to make Simon a woman*.
This Cath will not stand. She gets changing the name. But to make a Simon a woman. No, no.
That just ruins her story. As she tells her publisher who’s less than sympathetic since they want to be “mainstream”.
Luckily, Cath’s former roommate-and newly minted agent-has enough gall to tell the publishers to shove it. And has Cath rework her fan fic changing only the names (a la EL James) and start a new publishing company that focuses on slash P2P.
Needless to say, Cath becomes filthy rich. Of course, some people won’t read the work because it’s P2P, but everyone who doesn’t think of copyright law eats up the newly deemed Sheldon and Benedict series that Cath created like their hot cakes.
Except her university. Who still wants her to write about the three Ds.
*Believe it or not, this has actually happened before with Sherlock slash.