The Unofficial House of Night Drinking Game: Awakened by PC and Kristin Cast

Don’t even ask who that’s supposed to be.  I don’t know and I don’t care.  And neither should you other than its some poor sap who has to make a living by promoting this shit.

A long time ago, I decided to read all of the House of Night books because I thought it would be an interesting experiment.  I knew I might get annoyed, but I could get drunk and have some shits and giggles.

However, now that I’m on the eighth installment it doesn’t read so much like shits and giggles anymore.  Instead, its really a cry for help for humanity.  I seriously think PC and Kristin Cast are a prima facie case of why the world can’t have nice things.  And this installment of the so called drinking game (though for the safety of you’re liver we can’t actually make it a drinking game anymore) is going to focus on why they’re proud members of the bottom 1% of dumb asses in the world.

1) Normal people would not kill off a character to a song and dance montage-let alone a song and dance montage sung by the cast of Glee.  However, that’s how the Casts decide to kill off a character that essentially has had less airtime than Zoey Redbird’s cat.

 
A part of me is naive enough to state that the Casts are just uber fans of the show Glee, but then I read shit like this where the Casts bitch about how their shitty series wasn’t given a plug on the show and I’m like not uber fans..more like uber sell outs.
2) The Casts don’t believe that people need to be emotionally ready for sex.  I kid you not.  The characters act like their in second grade with the way they talk about bodies.  Yet the amount of boinking that went on in the first forty pages of the book makes it look like Fifty Shades of Night (a very scary thought, please fan girls do NOT make a crossover based on these two series).
Look, I’m all for YA books where the characters are sexually active relationships.  Its realistic, but don’t have them talking about bodies like their gross if they’re engaging in coitus.  Or if they do, have them mess up because if they can’t talk about intercourse without going ew cooties over it then they don’t need to be having sex.  Seriously, everyone in this book talks like they’re on one of those TGIF sitcoms when it comes to sex and life in general.  And we all know what happened to those child stars after their respected series ended.
3) Being culturally offensive.  Its appalling how many cultures that the Casts have defended.  Even  I know that the Scots don’t talk that way the Casts say they do and the only exposure I’ve had of Scotland is Harry Potter and the Traveling Chanel.  That is sad people.
Though I can tell you, from personal experiences, that no self respecting Okie talks like Stevie Rae.  Most of my mom’s side is from Oklahoma and none of them speak with an accent remotely like Stevie Rae’s, they don’t care for stirrup pants, and none of them (that I know of) engage in bestiality.  Though I’m sure one or two of them does like Kenny Chesney, but hey….no one’s perfect.
4) Fact checking.  Biggest logic fuck up this installment it only takes three hours to fly from Scotland to Oklahoma.  I guess they could be flying the Concorde but it doesn’t exist anymore so there goes that theory.
5) Condescending tone.  Is it just me or do these books in general talk down to their audience?  I swear, if Damien gives me one more vocabulary lesson.  I will hurt him.  I just will.  And yes, I know he is a fictional character but still…Also, speaking of condescending  look at this little article that one of my GR friends let me know about.  Seems like the Casts don’t like people calling them out on their bullshit.  We’ll be talking more about this when I read that particular installment.
6) People still trusting Neferet.  Does she have to nuke them to get them to realize she’s the big bad?  And what’s with her walking around naked everywhere?  For some ritual apparently, but we’re not told why she needs to be naked.  Dr. Evil was better bad guy than this.  And really, why do try to over-sexualize her?  Is it to show us that sex is evil?  Because honestly this character’s sexuality is so comical that I almost read it as a parody on slut slamming.  But after reading eight of your books, Casts, I know you’re not clever enough to do something like that.  More or less you probably think sex is evil and lead very sad lives.  Oh, and you probably still believe that Anthony Weiner is a changed man.
7) Bestiality.  I don’t even have to go into much detail on this.  I don’t care that you transformed Stevie Rae’s animal friend into a human.  It’s still gross. Period.  And if you call me a bigot, I swear I’ll send PETA out on your ass because animals no matter if they can talk to you or not are not our special friends.
8)  Please stop trying to tell us that a character is bad, that a couple shares chemistry, and that I need to kiss Zoey’s ass.  You’d think that this is the first book that Dumb and Dumber has ever published with the amount of telling that goes on.  But nope, this is the eighth installment in this series.  And Cast Snr has published several more books before and I highly suspect Cast JR had a couple of fan fics out there (that’s purely speculation though).  The point is they shouldn’t be relying on the telling crutch.  And we all know that Prince Eric was smart getting away from Zoey and her forty husbands.  If Damien calls him a Douche its his loss.  We all know what really happened, the Casts finally watched The Marvel Universe movies and replaced their Christopher Reeve crush with Robert Downey JR.  Which I guess is respectable, but I am wondering if its going to flip flop now that Man of Steel is out and Henry Cavill is well…let’s just say is SMeyer would’ve got her wish and he would’ve been playing Ed-tart, I could understand why girls would go gaga over him.
9) The fact that the Casts decided to give us Grandma Redbird’s shit a chapter.  Okay, technically its her shitty daughter.  But we’re told how big a POS she is throughout the entire novel that I just decided to go for it.  Grant it, I know I’m being crass but after eight fucking installments of these books I think I have the right to be as rude as I want.  And honestly, why would Zoey’s mother who had minimum screen time and was basically forgotten with the past four or five books be mentioned.  Only to merely   kill off a character that wasn’t Grandma Redbird that’s why.  And man, do I hate Grandma Redbird.  But I’m digressing.  The point is, insignificant characters got a POV.  And why do I care about these insignificant characters?  What point do they serve?
.
10) As bad as soap operas are, they never bring back unpopular characters because they know it will make the fans upset and they won’t give a shit that some dumb ass who they have no attachment to has come back from the dead.  This is why popular characters are resurrected from the dead multiple times. The Casts however took this advice backwards and resurrected an unpopular character that everyone with half a brain and a grain of self respect hates.
Yes.  Heath is back from the dead.
I know, I want to hurt something too.
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Awaken: Meg Cabot

Seriously, why most Pierce always pose in a position where you can see down her dress.  OOH, is that John he has nice arms and that jaw is very Gaston like.  Seriously, that model should get a job at Disney World.

General Summary: Shit is going down in the Underworld.  And Pierce is going to have to put her big girl panties on when John faces imminent peril. Will she be able to save her love?  And why are all these birds appearing out of nowhere like it’s a Hitchcock movie?

Review:

I liked this one and oddly I didn’t think I was because the first third because I was like nothing is happening.  While stuff was happening but Pierce was just a spectator and then…well then, shit happens.

I will have to say this is the first book in this series that really felt to me, genuine Meg Cabot.  Arguably, Underworld had its moments.  But I finally saw the development I wanted to see in Awaken which was more than a little refreshing.

Let’s start with the plot.  It’s intricate and somehow she puts it all together.  Grant it, I didn’t like how a little of the threads were left till the very end…but it worked.  And I liked how Meg would throw you a piece of the puzzle and you would think you’d know how it fit together and bam a curve ball.  Also, you could tell a substantial amount of research went into this book and I have to thank Meg for that.  Lots of the times authors try to avoid research.  And I get it, researching can be a pain in the ass.  But it really does make a book.

What I think was surprising to me the most about this book was its characters.  I’ll be honest, up until this installment I really liked the side characters better than the main characters.  That was sort of the opposite with this book with the exception of Mr. O who was just awesome.

Yeah, I liked the main characters more this time around.  Well, John.  Pierce and I…well, I liked her better towards the end.  But John. He’s, well, a Cabot man.  Yes, he does have rage tendencies and at first glance he appears to be your typical YA bad boy idiot, but this is a Meg Cabot man he of course ends up being dreamy (well, more tolerable).  And then there’s the chemistry he shares with Pierce.  I always have sort of frowned on their relationship because it’s essentially insta love.  But man, oh man, there are some panty melting scenes here.
Another thing I really liked about this book is that it doesn’t take itself seriously.  Cabot knows it’s a little over the top and that’s okay.  The book is supposed to be over the top and I think it’s sort of fitting it uses The Florida Keys as it’s environment.  If you’ve ever been down to the Keys you know that the area itself is sort of surreal.  The vegetation,  the people, the fact that you can get pie thrown in your face…anything can happen.

Best Feature: John.  I  really grew to love this guy.  In the first book he came off as your typical YA ass.  But he’s really grown on me.  He reminded me of Indiana Jones in this book at the beginning-you know when Indy jumps off the boat and….well, he has that sort of attitude.  And he only improves with the story.  I thought his interactions with Pierce’s friends and family, especially her father, were hilarious.

Worst Feature: Pierce.  I really get annoyed with this character.  She means well and I get that Cabot wanted to have a character that wasn’t book smart which is refreshing because most of these YA girls are all AP Harvard bound students.  But sometimes Pierce….well, she’s a little too stupid for her own good.  In a lot of ways she reminds me of Snow White.  She’s a nice girl but compared to all the other Cabot characters she’s bland and lacks any sort of street smarts.  Okay, so she sort of grows a backbone at the end.  But still, she lacks logic.  Suze and Jess would both be laughing at her.  And both those girls would’ve jumped to action from the very beginning.  And I’ll admit, when it comes to Cabot books I have a bar set pretty high when it comes to my heroines.  I always expect a Suze, Jess, or Mia.  And Pierce is comparison to a lot of these YA MC’s isn’t bad at all.  But really some of the things she doesn’t understand…just Google it.  And really, why is she content on NOT finishing high school.  Yes, not every kid is academic bound and she’s going to live in the underworld and all, but if John ever ditches her she’s going to have to have a diploma to get any sort of job (even a low wage job). Seriously, do you want to be doing these jobs (if you’re lucky)?  I guess it helps her dad is Tony Stark  Mr. O, but couldn’t she have some drive to at least get a GED or something.

Appropriateness:  If you’ve read the second book then you know that  Pierce and John share the same bed (i.e. have sexual relations with each other) it’s never discussed in much detail only that they do it and that they’re essentially shaking up together.  There’s also some language in this book.  Drug use is discussed in passing and there are some battle scenes.

Blockbuster Worthy: Sure.  I’ve already done casting here.  Though I will have to say one role I didn’t cast (because he didn’t appear in the books until really this installment) is Mr. O.  And it’s obvious who should play him: Tony Stark.

Overall Rating: Even though the first third of this book moved sort of slow (I’m not a patient person), the last 2/3 really wowed me. Yes, it was a little over the top but I loved it.  So I’m giving this one an eight out of ten death deities.  I really have to give Meg credit for this series, I was less than thrilled with Abandon, but the books have improved with each installment.  And you have to give credit where it’s due.