Little Life Lessons from Christmas Movies

After watching my fair share of Christmas movies, I have come to these conclusions:

1) If you let everyone push you around you’re a success.  It also helps if there’s a particularly mean old miser around so that everyone else looks a bit less jerkish (see It’s a Wonderful Life).

2) If someone says your Santa Claus because you put on a suit with a supposed contract in it, call a lawyer those elves will back down fast (see The Santa Clause).  Also, if they keep adding causes after the fact, you probably have a good case for an unconscionable  contract-note, this makes an excellent bar prep problem.

3) Trust the creepy adult next door.  He might be rumored to be a murderer, but he’ll probably save your life at some point.  So will the crazy homeless bird lady in the park.  All those stranger danger PSAs ignore them because in the end the creepy stranger will save the day ( see Home Alone)

4) Worried that Grandpa is going to get sent to the loony bin for saying he’s Santa, just get the post office to deliver a letter addressing him as Saint Nick to the County Jail.  Note, this defense only works if he thinks he’s Santa.  It is unknown if it would work if he was claiming he was Hanukah Harry, The Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny (see Miracle of 34th Street).

5) Stealing someone’s hat is perfectly legal if you’re a snowman that comes to life (see Frosty the Snowman).  Also, snowmen can reproduce (see subsequent sequels).  Hence, why snowman erotica is all the rage.

6)  Getting a crappy Christmas tree means something profound.  Also, Beagles are really great at decorating their houses for the holidays (see a A Charlie Brown Christmas).


Of course, some Beagles live in beds and since their owners refuse to sleep with tinsel they have to be a bit of a Debby Downer.

7)  If your neighbors hate you it’s probably because you didn’t put out the inflatable snowman in your yard (see Christmas with the Cranks)

8) Only vegans can apply to be Santa since they don’t smell like beef and cheese (see Elf).

9) There actually should be a warning label on candy canes since there’s a chance they could be radioactive (see Santa Clause the Movie).

10) After you watch so many versions of The Christmas Carol, you start having all these weird conspiracy theories about how a certain member of the Crochet family was connected with those ghosts that haunted poor Scrooge.  Another plausible theory is that Tiny Tim is a demon (alas, that is only speculation at this time).


Awesomely Lifetime: Sundays at Tiffany’s

My penpal and I are obsessed with Tiffany’s. I  think it’s the packaging.  How can you not like something in an aqua box?  Better yet, how can you not like something advertised by Audrey Hepburn (note, advertisers find the modern day equivalent of Audrey Hepburn to represent your brand and you’re golden).  So a few days ago she jokingly sent me the trailer to this movie called Sundays at Tiffany’s which I had to check out because it’s Lifetime (duh).

Melodramatic Summary: Phoebe Halliwell (her name’s actually Jane in this movie) had an imaginary friend  and he disappears after she turns ten and her mom’s buying her a necklace at Tiffany’s- seriously, what sort of ten year old gets a present at Tiffany’s?    Anyway, it’s like twenty years later and she’s marrying McDreamy only he’s more like McDouche who happens to be her sister’s husband from Charmed and her imaginary friend shows up looking all hot and perfectly ripped despite the fact there’s no 24 Hour Fitness in Imagination Land.  What’s a girl to do?
I really liked this one.  It was like cotton candy TV.  Nothing that substantial.  But would I watch it again: probably.
The actings fairly decent.  All the characters had chemistry even Henry/McDouche and Phoebe had chemistry.  And when you have chemistry with your former brother in-law (well, former TV brother in-law) that says something.  Especially when the movie’s written to where you’re supposed to hate the couple.
I really liked Michael though.  A lot better than McDouche and that wasn’t because of the writing. Though there were some cute moments between those two because of the writing.  What I’m trying to say is that the performance seemed genuine even through all of the cheese.  And boy was there lots of cheese.
In typical Lifetime fashion this movie shows romance in a total unrealistic light, but the general context of the movie-your imaginary friend growing up hot and being, well, the perfect man allows it to work.  And it’s set in New York at Christmas time.  You know it’s going to be a little unrealistic because of that.  And it’s better than 12 Dates of Christmas. Maybe because I’m not staring at Amy Smart’s bad nose job throughout the entire movie.
Oh, and think Zack  Attack every time I watch that movie.
Lifetime Squee:  Oh.  It’s good.  Not only is imaginary boyfriend super hot.  But we also have McDouche who’s not bad on the eyes when he keeps his trap shut.  I think I prefer Imagination Land boyfriend though.
OMG Lifetime Moment: Well, no one gets assaulted, kidnapped, cheated on, or embezzled in this Lifetime Original.  Which is weird because I read the book’s summary on Wiki and it seems like there was a lot of stuff to go all Lifetime out on.  I think the biggest OMG Lifetime moment from the actual movie is that McDouche is, well, such a McDouche.  Seriously, how can you not know your fiancee is allergic to mushrooms?
Overall Ratings: Eight out of ten Dean Cains.  I liked this one.  Sure, it wasn’t overly dramatic and no one died, got kidnapped, or got beat up by a bad ass girl fight.  But it was cute.  And Lifetime knows how to do cute.  Besides, it made me crack ship Phoebe and Henry and I’m off to to see if I can find any fics to fit my thirst for this pairing. Even though Henry’s like a McDouche in this movie.