Retrospect: The Worst Books I Ever Blogged About

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I wanted to do a retrospect for this half of the year, then I realized even though I had read a fair amount of books-I think it’s been like 59 or so-I really don’t have a definitive best or worst list.  To be honest, this year has sort of been average.  I had a few good picks but  most of them have bene contemporaries and that doesn’t make for a well rounded list.   As for the bad ones, there hasn’t been one book that has me screamed or if there has I’ve been smart enough to DNF very early in the game.

Still though, I wanted to do some sort of recap post especially since I’ve been blogging regularly for five years (six if we count the year that I started this blog, but considering I got really sick and only did like four or five posts that year I really view my start of blogging as 2012 rather than 2011).  That being said, I’d thought I’d do a couple of retrospect posts.  This one is over the worst books I’ve ever read since blogging.

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Getting retrospective like with Patty wearing bows. 

Why did I choose the worst rather than the best?

For one thing, it’s easier to talk about all the horrible books I read than gush over the good ones.  I find it’s more pedantic if I list all the great books I’ve read (though I do plan on doing it at some point, though I’m going to have to contain them because there’s a lot) also in retrospect some of those books I really liked I might not like so much now.  It’s sad, you blog and your taste changes.   Also, should I do such a list its going to be way longer than this one.

Because I’ll be honest, the really bad books I’ve read.  They’re going to stick with me for a long, long, time.  Without further ado here are some of the worst books that I ever blogged about.

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Original Review

I’ll be honest with you, I really didn’t think Alexandra Adornetto would still be publishing books at this point.  I thought she’d be one of those YA authors who fade into oblivion.  But she actually released a book not too long ago to that Mediator rip off series of hers-I’m not even attempting to check it out or library it.  That’s how done I am with her.  Anyway, Halo is pretty much an even more  Christian-fied version of Twilight that gets a movie produced by Kurt Cameron and that is given approval by the Dove Foundation and has some God awful original Christian rock.  And if you’ve seen any of those God awful Dove Foundation movies and how sanctimonious and patronizing they are, THAT should give you an idea how bad Halo is.

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Interesting enough, I was curious enough to see how the series would end that I ended up reading the entire trilogy which really means I had way too much time on my hands.  Honestly, I don’t know how I did it since I think I was reading this through law school and when I took my first bar.  Of course, reading this might’ve encouraged me to study.  So…yeah.

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Original Review

I love stories about witches and even though the premises of this one was a little cliche-because we can all see where this story is going-I still thought it could be cute.

But that was until I read it.  There are so many things wrong with this one, just even thinking about it has me raging. The main character practically gives herself radical plastic surgery via magic.   I think this book was what turned me off of Wattpad and anything that originates there.  It is THAT bad.   Had I reviewed this book today, I think the review would’ve been a lot more graphic than it was back then.

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Original Review

This one makes me rage thinking about it.  While I am aware that situations like Colby’s do unfortunately occur and that there are some cray cray parents out there like her mother, there was not one thing I liked about this book.  I think in part because this book offered no hope.  Everyone and their mother was an asshole, even Colby to some degree. Even though she seemed better after two sessions of therapy, you know she really wasn’t.  This book really was depressing, nasty, trigger inducing, and I just want to forget about it.  Plus, now that I think of it, Colby’s father reminded me of Chris Christie and that makes the book even more disgusting because Chris Christie (like Colby’s dad) is pretty much a horrible person.

 

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Original Review

I only read about forty pages of this shit, but that was enough to make it on the list.  I think why I hated it so much-besides the fact that the heroine and her kids all had names dealing with the fucking weather or a season or something-was that in most books Brody McDouche would be the villain.  He knocked up two women and left town.  Instead, his second baby mama (no the heroine) is portrayed as being this evil slut.  Can you say hello DNF pile.

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Original Review

This fucking series.  I really hate how Braswell handled what should’ve been an interesting series but has to be some of the most banal drivel I’ve read.  This one is particularly offensive because it ruins Beauty and the Beast by focusing on Maurice of all people.  Though to be fair to Braswell, Disney sort of took her storyline and threw it in the new movie.  BUT that movie had Kevin Kline.  This book does NOT.  Therefore, it sucks.

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Original Review

This is one had one of those reviews where I’m still getting trolls years after I originally posted.  That means, I must of done something right (I think).  Honestly, I’m sort of surprised since this is an Indy published book but whatever.

What makes this one so memorably bad about it, is I read it right after I passed the bar and it’s just so offensive on so many levels.  I can just imagine how bad it would be now after practicing a little bit and becoming certified in guardianships.

Look, I love Cinderella stories more than anything, but you know when you act like its easy peasy to have some one committed or to have their freedom be declared incompetent so easy, you are really preaching a dangerous idea.  Thing is, it wouldn’t have been that hard for Oram to make her protagonist a year or so younger to avoid this.  But just thinking about it makes me rage.

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Orignal Review

Colleen Houck’s writing embodies an average Trump supporter.  That’s how fucking offensive I find her books that stereotype the cultures and religions they’re exploring.  And she’s so fucking ignorant about the various mythologies she’s embodying.  Her characters often exemplify the worst behavior of American tourists too, come to think of it.

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Take this book, for example.  Rather than exploring Egypt, the character stays at her luxury Americanized hotel and eats a whole fucking IHOP menu.

I  could’ve also put the Tiger Curse series on this list too, but I didn’t.  Because honestly all of Colleen Houck’s books are the fucking same.  I’m actually surprised Trump hasn’t named her ambassador to India  or Egypt.  She’s fucking ignorant enough for him too.

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Original Review

Another books starring a stupid American who’d rather eat at McDonalds than be in Europe.  Yes, that’s said n the book and it’s pretty much why this book is on the list.  Also, it doesn’t help that the books intriguing premises is pretty said ruin by the exasperating main character and a prince that’s dumb as a box of rocks.

 

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Original Review

This is another one that I’ll occasionally get the random troll comment (still) on GoodReads.  I remember throwing this book against a wall when I read it.  It made me that angry.

I get that marching band is different from state to state or really program to program , but even the little minute couldn’t help some of the inaccuracies that this book had.

AND I don’t care if you can fucking do it but you do NOT transpose a solo for piccolo on horn.  You just DON’T do that.

Okay.

Okay.

And come to think about this, I still probably would throw this book against a wall.

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Original Review

Of course, this one is going to be on here.  I read the whole freaking series and if I would’ve actually drank real alcohol during it, I’m pretty sure I’d be dead.  Zoe Redbird is one of the most annoying characters out there in YA.  In fact, I find her more offensive than Bella Swan.

Actually, I find a lot more people offensive than Bella Swan.  Zoe was created in the hey day of paranormal YA and her authors seem to think she’s as famous as Bella (she’s not).  The series as a whole focuses on Zoe’s bizarre love life, the Casts weird fetishes, and Aphrodite appearing naked in every book.  God, just talking about this series makes me want to drink.

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Seriously, I sometimes wonder if the Casts had a drinking game when writing them (it would explain a lot).

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Original Review

To be fair to the book, I would’ve never read it if I knew it was Christian romance.  That in itself is sort of gag worthy to me.  It’s nothing against religion personally, I just really roll my eyes when people get all sanctimonious (and they do in these book and in Dove Foundation movies-see we went full circle in this post) and this book not only is sanctimonious with people randomly quoting Bible versus (WTF does that besides those creepy ass Duggars and those annoying Duck people) but it also has one of the creepiest love interests known to man kind.  If I were to rewrite this book I’d have some Gordon Ramsay asshole who gasps smokes, has lots of sex, drinks, and  sweeps the character off her feet (and we find out he’s not really that much of an asshole) and put creepy guy in his place.  Alas, I don’t write this shit and it’s probably a good thing since I can’t quote Bible versus and thus can’t write for the Dove Foundation, Duck Dynasty, or Christian romances.

Top Ten Worst Books of 2013 (that I read)

Well, it’s almost that time of the year again. Meaning, the end of the year.  So naturally,  I’ll be doing top ten lists for  2013.  I know I’ll probably read a few books before the ball drops.  But as of now, these are my top ten worst picks for 2013.  Note, there were lots of contenders but I chose these ten because they were the most memorable (for some reason or another).

10) Who Heard of Grammar: 

I’ve indulged in lots of Amazon freebies this year.  I think My Boyfriend Merlin sticks with me, not so much for its sheer awfulness (because it’s really like any other bad indie paranormal YA out there) but because of it’s awful cover, grammatical error on the cover, and the fact that it turns what should’ve been a bad ass telling into a wimp ass book.  Also, it encompasses every problem I have with indies.  Grammar people, grammar.  At least this one was free, but seriously hire an editor before you hit the publish option.  It will make you look more credible and your reader is less likely to have a migraine.

9) Because It’s So Natural to Wear Skinny Jeans After Giving Birth:

Another YA book that glamorizes teenage pregnancy…. And I thought Breaking Dawn was the only book that did that.  But nope.  The Goddess Inheritance continues this saga where mom’s instantly get back their pre-baby body, babies are just like well behaved Papillions, and significant others are more like Coach handbags than an actual significant other.  What really bothered me about this one though was that it had potential.  I actually sort of enjoyed the first book in the series.  Though in hindsight, there were obvious problems there as well.

8) Just Zap Me a New Pair of Boobs While You’re at it:

Oh, where do I start.  I think if there was a book that I was the most disgusted with this year, this one would take the cake.  I really do love witch books.  Blame it for being a member of Generation Harry, but there’s always something about the subject of magic that should make it an interesting read.  This book though: total horror story.  Maybe if the main character’s best friend wasn’t the school counselor and she didn’t give herself plastic surgery through magic spells, I would’ve finished this one.  Instead, I remember going on a rant about body image in the genre after reading this.

7) Because Reading the Same Story Never Gets Old:

I didn’t like Beautiful Disaster the first time around.  And I didn’t like it the second time around either.  The fact that McGuire is continuing to exploit the exact same damn story-no sequels just retellings of the story in various point of views or events from the story just makes me want to stab myself in the eye.  The fans, however, don’t seem to be bothered that this is a very obvious cash cow.

6) China Did It:

Yeah, this one.  I honestly, don’t see it’s point other than to be filler.  Nothing happened in this freaking book except Cass trying to explain her illogical China ruined the world thing.  And it still doesn’t make sense.  Really, why would China want to destroy a resource it wants to exploit?  Basically, the little life lesson I learned from this book is that some people obviously did not take a political science class in college, despite being a history major.

5) If Twilight was produced by Roland Emmerich:

Oh dearie me, where to begin.  This was probably the first god awful book I read in 2013.  Which is a shame because I hear that Kresley Cole is actually a pretty good writer.  Well,  I didn’t see it.  Instead, I saw an illogical attempt to write a Roland Emmerich movie in book form.  Let me just be frank, Roland Emmerich movies are barely tolerable.  Turning into a book…not a good idea. Also, Catholic bashing (puke).

4) A Cursed Fairytale:

Can a Rapunzel retelling be done?  That is a question I often ask.  Alex Flinn is often considered to the master of fairytale retellings in YA, but this book.  Ugh, just ugh.  It relies too heavily on YA tropes.  Honestly, though I haven’t really liked the past few Flinn books I’ve read.  At first I wondered if whether it was just an overall decline in work, but now I’m wondering if my taste has changed.  Needless to say, I’m hoping that the next Rapunzel retelling I read (Marissa Meyer’s Cress) is not a disappointment.

3) The Dog Didn’t Even Like It:

This one was so high on the list because Melissa de la Cruz was at one time my go to author.  She has brilliant ideas, but the execution of this one…And this was sort of like a last chance by for me.  The last few Blue Bloods books were sort of half assed and its adult spinoff was less than great.  And then came along this little gem.  I just couldn’t get the world building and half of the events that took place in the novel just left me with questions.  That is why I leave this book series for my dog to review.

2) Not Even a Bat Bomb, a Bat Turd:

I love super heros.  This book though, not so much. Maybe it was because Kahaney tried to make her heroine a female version of Batman a little too much.  I get being inspired by Batman.  Batman is bad ass, but this girl.  Ugh.  She makes the 1960’s Robin and Batgirl look good.  And that’s saying something.  Speaking of superheroes, the new Wonder Woman could probably beat up Anthem and that is saying something.

1) A Series So Bad You Have to be Drunk to Tolerate It:

Well, this was the year of House of Night.  And after reading ten of these books, I never think I’ll be the same.  They are horrible.  Encompassing everything from the ultimate Mary Sue, to mocking everyone from who does not fit the Zoey Redbrid definition of cool.  House of Night is just cray-cray.  Honestly, these books are so bad you can make a drinking game out them.  Wait, I already did that.  That, in itself, makes it number one on the hate list.